Time for a bad/ bizarre Christmas food thread

[SantaHasABigYuleLog]

Inspired by the shit presents thread tell us about your horror food stories.

I’m from the southern hemisphere, Christmas was all about bbqs, lots of MASSIVE fancy salads, grilled/roasted veg, roasts (mainly lamb), curries, grilled seafood and a million and one desserts. Usually by the beach or in someone’s garden. Huge family and friends gathering together.

My first ‘family’ Christmas in the UK was with my British boyfriend’s family I was expecting the charming, cosy TV scene (I don’t know why, I had visited their house before) It was his parents and sibling, starter was prawn cocktail - a couple prawns were still frozen, one small just cooked chicken (the fat was still jiggly), boiled potatoes and boiled brussels sprouts. No music was playing, no one said anything and the heating wasn’t on either (they were rich by the way so not a money thing) No seasoning at all - not even salt or pepper. After we were done b/f’s father picked the chicken skin and fat from everyone’s plate and ate them.

It was a massive culture shock for me.

My exMIL could not cook to save her life.
Christmas day lunch was similar to the OP.... chicken that was barely cooked, bullet like sprouts, roast potatoes that were also undercooked and garden peas. The highlight was the single oxo cube dissolved and passed as gravy.
Dessert was lime jelly and custard...
Never again did I eat at their house

No real horror stories here, but what is up with people who serve boiled potatoes at Christmas (or with any other roast)?! Absolute weirdos!

This one was me making Xmas dinner for a group of friends. We were all students and living in various shared houses in London, away from the country where we originally came from. It was agreed that one girl would host (together with her housemates) and I would cook. I was ambitious. I decided to make a goose. I spent the whole day cooking (to serve in the evening), I had a military-style precise schedule. It was made more complicated by the fact that I had to make a separate kosher Christmas dinner (!) in an annexe off the kitchen with different pots and pans etc.

It was so daunting that I got completely smashed while cooking. I put bacon bits on the kosher potatoes by mistake and dropped the goose on a (white) sofa as I brought it to the table because everything was so slippery with goose fat. The kitchen looked like it had been the scene of a wrestling match in a pool of fat.

The friends whose house we were at all moved soon afterwards.

I’m trying to decide whether the roast potatoes or the boiled carrots were the worst part of my mum’s Christmas dinner.
The roast potatoes were microwaved before they went into the oven. You could have taken someone’s eye out with them. The best thing to do with them was soak them in gravy to help breach the rock hard shell then scrape some potato out from the centre.
My mum read somewhere that orange went well with carrots. So she cooked them in orange squash. They were also boiled to death. I can’t even describe the taste. I think I’ve blocked it from my mind.

You're posh! Stewing steak! Stovies are made eith the end of the lamb!!! My MIL made them, and she now has dementia and this thread has made me remember her, but in a good way!

My (half)DBs’ grandmother made an incredibly pretty (white) bûche de noël.

she (probably) unfortunately mistook the sugar (to add to the cream/filling) with some other kind of white powder… we’re still not sure what happened but the taste was incredibly peculiar.

Those carrots sound comically bad!😂🤢

We went to a relatives abroad one year, one of the side dishes was lime mousse with vegetables in it, it was horrific!

My great aunt made lime jelly with peas and carrots one year…are we related?? There can’t be many people in the world who think such things are acceptable.

I don’t understand people who say they can’t cook. There’s nothing difficult about it, and surely it’s a basic life skill for one to learn, like swimming or driving or looking after a child.

We used to have a posh (and very pricey) hotel in my home town

God knows why,but my mother booked us in to have a pre-Christmas meal there one year when i was about 9 (we never ate out-that was for adults)

I remember sitting there bored out of brain (my brothers looked as fed up as I did but we had to keep up appearances or we'd be in deep trouble as we had to be seen and not heard)

They served us the food-everything was grey

Grey turkey,grey potatoes,grey gravy,grey veg,grey pigs in blankets-even the sweetcorn was bloody grey

Annnddd we had to eat it,no questions asked,just get it eaten

I've never eaten anything so dry in my whole life and as drinks where pricey,she allowed us a thimble sized glass of water to wash it down with

The following year she mentioned going again but taking my aunt,uncle and cousin with us-we all cried tummy bugs and it got cancelled

It cost a small fortune at the time-I don't think she enjoyed it either,it was all to say she'd been to that hotel

I still shudder at the memory

My mil bless her, I've never had oven chips on any roast before let alone xmas dinner! One pig in blanket each, no stuffing, overcooked veg and tinned sweetcorn. Dessert was sugar free orange jelly with satsumas.

Can’t rival most of these, but the first turkey I ever cooked, I put it in the pan upside down. There is no meat on the back of a turkey so when it came to carve we had this apparently meatless turkey until some genius thought to flip it over! It was done to a turn, anyway!

ODFOD

Is your surname Griswold?

This was bad in a good way. At home we used to just eat what was on our plate, no need for second helpings as my mum made an ultra rich chocolate mousse so you needed to have room

The first year at my in-laws I did the usual and helped myself to my usual portions , the my MiL who was a great cook insisted I had seconds . I tried to say no but it was like I was insulting her. Then she had 3 puddings. I'm still not sure how I manage to walk from the table to a chair

That’s made me laugh, thanks!

OMG I just googled that and is IS a thing! Utterly gross!

MIL is a great cook but one year when we went for xmas Dinner as we sat down to eat DH whispered "don't eat the carrots" I sked why and he said "later". He served the DC and made sure they didn't have carrots either (which they didn't mind).
Later on he told me that FIL had prepped the veg and due to lack of room in the fridge he had put the sliced carrrots in a bowl of water in the garage and when DH went to get them a lot had been nibbled, presumably by rats or mice.
They didn't tell MIL and nobody was ill

Not me but when my Mum was courting my Dad she was invited round for Christmas lunch. My Nana was the worst cook ever, everything was white on the plate, turkey potatoes cauliflower stuffing and she had made her own gravy which she hadn’t put any gravy browning in. My mum pretended to faint as she was too polite not to touch it!!! My mum has severe memory loss now but she has never forgotten this.

No, but my mum’s turkey often resembled the one served up in that film!

We make sure we always stay here for Christmas Day now and invite the in-laws because MIL's cooking is on a par with the OP. Simply doesnt understand seasoning food and flavour because obsessed with everything being salt and fat free.

Our only Christmas day without my MIL was my dad's last Christmas. They'd invited my MIL the previous year, but she was so miserable and moany (plus my dad was really not well enough), that we said that we'd spend Christmas day with them and then drive up - 3 hours with a 3 and 1 year old to stay with her for Boxing Day and for a second Christmas meal that she made.

We arrived after a long journey about 1 pm as DS1 was sick, to find no MIL. It was before she had a mobile phone. Popped round to an old family friend nearby who though she'd gone out to the supermarket. Used her loo at least and then waited outside MIL's house for her to come back.

She did finally show up at around 2.30, looking stressed. Anyway turns out she'd not thought to get any food in at all and then had to go around 3 different supermarkets on Boxing Day to get a Christmas dinner.
She unpacked a microwave Christmas dinner for 2 people, a four pack of value chocolate mousse, some milk (thankfully) and that was it! She had a bit of bread and some cereal and tins in the kitchen and we'd brought some wine, nuts and some toddler snacks for DS1.

I don't think I've been in her house since, luckily it's too small for us all it sleep in now, but I don't think I've ever felt so unwelcome.

You clearly don’t realise that you got it right - that is one of the best ways to roast chicken or turkey. Roasting the bird breast-side down keeps the usually dry breast meat moist and flavoursome. You then turn the bird over for the last half hour or so just to crispen the skin.

The worst stovies I ever ate was at work. The school cook formerly worked in a prison and was on a strict budget - thank you cooncil - so used up everything.

The stovies were made...boak...from the previous day's haggis.

A'm tellin ye min - that was a crime against humanity.