Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

It doesn’t matter, op doesn’t want the dog and it’s her house. If you do t like dogs it’s not nice and I say that as a dog owner

Whatever you decide, don't let it be something you regret. My brother passed two years ago, and I would have his dog rip my place to shreds to see him happy at Christmas time. The only real concern is the unsteady aunt, a Christmas blanket on furniture and turning your back to a jumpy dog are solutions for the rest. Tell him your concerns, but don't put material things ahead of family at Christmas.

My goodness, it’s Christmas, it’s only 3 hours for you. Surely you can put up with a dog for 3
hours. It’s 5 hours for the dog if he doesn’t bring him and that’s a long time to leave a dog that isn’t usually left.
poor little pup pup.

The dog will not know it is Christmas.

The fact that you’d rather read through 17 pages of stranger’s comments than have this conversation with him tells me how unreasonable you expect him to react.
I’d suggest doing it with someone else who can “play impartial”. Definitely not unreasonable to not want any dogs in your house, it’s not like you’re discriminating against his dog specifically. Try not to make it specific to his dog, even though it kinda is, that way it can’t become an attack/defend thing, he might try defend his dog anyway, but the only right answer for him is, your house, “your rules Sis!”

If you read what she wrote, she said the brother will not want to be apart from his family at Christmas.

Has he considered a pet sitter. It is likely to cost a bit more due to it being Christmas but they'd only need to come and let him out in the middle of the day. Try the Rover app

I know. I was so angry with her and a small crowd of people had formed who were all fuming. Poor dog. I hope she learned her lesson.

Doggo may be 'spoiled' but should've been trained to be okay for a few hours in its own company
As we did with our labrador who had been dumped by a previous useless 'owner' and had issues with being left
If he's not working from home and cannot take doggo with him to work, what would he usually do?
But remember its your house, your rules and you've easily explained why it's not a good idea to us; so just tell him!

As a dog household, I'd tell him to leave his dog at home. It'll be fine as long as walked before he comes to yours.

Some dog families expect too much.

I feel you- my MIL sprung a surprise on us after lockdown with a dog in tow. Whilst he is a sweet dog, her idea of training is when the dog picks stuff up and eventually drops it after endless asking and prising from his mouth, she rewards with treats- every.single.time. So he has learned that taking things (and leaving teeth marks in everything he takes) is a good thing because taking=treats. 4 years on, my husband is allergic, (but mil doesn’t accept that because the dog is ‘hypoallergenic’) the dog never stops taking and ruining our kids things and we have all had enough, but of course, he is her baby, so where she goes, he goes. The kids don’t even want to be down with us anymore as they can’t have any items even at coffee table level.

People should realise that getting a dog limits their freedoms. Dogs are not children, they do not, and cannot be taken everywhere!

You can be damn sure no dog is coming near my house. My SIL tried it once with her dog, came to visit for the day and didn't tell us she was bringing it. The dog was gross, slobbery, smelly, kept licking its balls the last time I saw it, no chance it was coming anywhere near me or my house and furniture!! I dont care how old or well behaved she felt it was..

I told DH him and SIL had to spend the day at the country park instead (a 5 min walk as our house backs on to it).

Why anyone thinks its okay to just assume they can bring a dog anywhere I cannot fathom.

Tell DB its not appropriate to bring an animal to xmas and to find a kennel for it..

I have a dog. He's an absolute belter ❤️
Now, If someone who was hosting asked me not to bring him over on Xmas day I would respect that. Their house their rules 💯
But it may influence me visiting the host on Xmas day, but that is the chance you take.

Some people can walk the dog and leave it for a couple of hours. Yet some people can't (for whatever reason). 🤔

It is indeed your house and your rules.
But his presence at your home may not be guaranteed if his dog is not allowed.
Just food for thought. 😇

Edited to say, please speak to your brother. I hope you get the outcome you desire. 💕

One option/compromise might be to get a crate and have it crated while it's at your house. Your brother can take it outside for a walk every 30 minutes or so.

Learning opportunity? WTF?

What would the son learn? That his dislike for badly behaved mut doesn't matter. That his home isn't a safe place in the world littered with dogs. That the dog's comfort is more important than his. That choices (to have a dog) don't have consequences (having to solve it's day) because you can always just tramp over other people with it. That his mum is a wet blanket allowing the dog that no-one wants there into their home.
Great lesson, isn't it?

And it was a tripping hazard, like a chaotic dog getting into her step, not necessarily knocking over.

We had a dog for 17 years. If we went somewhere the dog would not be welcome for a number of hours he was left at home. He would normally sleep all the time. If we went away and couldn't take him in the home he went to in laws, or we took him and he slept at night in the car in a quiet area with a window open a very little and a bowl of water on the floor.

You have very reasonable issues as to why you would not want a dog in your house. Even without those, it's still your house and that should be enough. In your case there are added reasons and could actually make it hazardous - to people and to your belongings. Just explain to him your reason for not wanting a dog in your home and ask if he can manage to leave her for a few hours at his house. In similar situations, sometimes the person just keeps the dog in their car and goes out to check on them during the visit.

Your house, your rules. But - you say you love dogs... It sounds like you don’t like much about them? Its ok to not like dogs. They aren’t for everyone. Training isn’t easy or fast for some dogs. They aren’t robots, they are living, breathing creatures. For some reason it feels mildly gaslight-y to say you love dogs, but want your brother to leave his dog at home for Christmas, for possibly longer than he reasonably can. I’d ignore the posters who say that he can definitely keep his dog at home for nearly 5 hours - dogs are different from one to another, and some can’t be left for an hour. Others can be left for 8 hours with no problem. Like people, they are individuals.

Anyway, your house, your rules. Your brother might have a strong bond and could choose to go somewhere where he can spend the day with his dog too, and that’s his prerogative. Christmas is just another day.

Especially since it is so normalised to go around and shout you don’t like children.
People actually don’t like dogs and want them at outdoor events, on beaches, in cafés etc.
My brother’s dog was a menace, it lived forever as well.
He brought it everytime he came to see us and she was putting her nose up in everyone’s crotch, barking, was going crazy at neighbours’ dogs, chased our cat, pulled the lead, and just was very high energy.
Normalise saying to people with dogs that they can’t bring them.

Im thinking about getting a dog so i don't have spend long boring Christmas' at miserable relatives. Nice day at home, long dog walk, turkey sandwich and tv beckoning with dog cuddles, perfect x

I feel your pain. I had the same last Christmas with my sister. Just tell him No and stick to it. He’s being selfish and the dog will be happier at home in its own environment as opposed to someone else’s house plus alot going on. My situation was the same as yours too she lives about 40mins away and insisted she couldn’t leave the dog alone 🤣I tried the polite lighthearted, saying No, it’s unnecessary and you’re only going to be here about 5hours tops. But she was a spoilt child who never got told No, so went on and on about it trying to get her own way and when I said Enough, ffs, it’s a dog not a child. It can be left alone. We usually eat around 2pm (have for yearssss) the dog will be fine for a few hours. You just want to bring the dog for the sake of it. And it’s bloody rude, you wouldn’t even ask if was one of our Aunties etc so drop it. She had a meltdown and didn’t come in the end. You have to stick to what you say bcus you let one thing slide and people think they can ice skate! Facts

The problem was you’re brother er was lazy and didn’t train his dog properly

Hahaha exactly this! If I was the brother I’d be thinking this dog was proving more of a brilliant decision than I’d originally thought…..

I agree: your house, your rules. Find it a bit odd talking about not wanting your floors scratched (which you probably know is unlikely) or furniture ruined (is only likely if the dog's caked in mud, what with cockapoos not being shedders). That is to say, it feels like you're making excuses, and you don't have to; the simple fact is you don't want the dog there and it's perfectly reasonably that you, as the person living there, do not want an untrained, excitable dog leaping about for 3 hours. You're not being unreasonable. My late dog was spoilt. She wasn't jumpy, granted, but if she wasn't welcome somewhere for a few hours, I'd simply leave her at home for that amount of time. If your brother doesn't like it, I presume he's welcome to leave early to tend to his dog.

YANBU. It’s your house. I don’t remember any relatives with dogs bringing them everywhere they went when I was a child, they stayed at their own home perfectly fine for a few hours when owners visited others, it was unheard of. This is a new fad, and others do not have to tolerate dogs forced on them in their own homes who don’t have pets. Your brother could offer to host himself.