A very second hand Christmas

[XmasShoppingOnMyMind]

Is anyone else planning to do a basically fully second hand Christmas? All of the children in my family are super spoilt. They get hundreds of toys a year (or it feels like that) and the vast majority don’t get used. I’ve spent hundreds in the past and none of it is used or appreciated. So if they’re not going to appreciate what they get, they’re getting second hand! Anyone else?

What about a farm/zoo pass or an experience for the children? Soft play vouchers or a kids specific show? Or ballet classes for a few months? That would be a lovely gift and they get to make some lovely memories too. If you think they’ve got too many toys etc :)

I ask the parents and it’s always really expensive toys. It’s never anything practical. Last year it was a £50 monster truck which was broken within a week

When my dc were smaller I desperately wished that people wouldn’t buy them toys. They didn’t need them. We hadn’t room for them. It was overwhelming and wasteful.

Adults buy toys for dc because they want to see their reactions. The dc only expect it because adults normalise it.

I ask and I am explicitly told which toys to buy.

Aged 3 and 4, they don't need hundreds of pounds worth of gifts - of course they won't appreciate them, but that's on you. You can't overindulge them and then complain about how they turn out. Just spend less, buy smaller simpler gifts.
Edited to add - just saw that you're the aunt, but my point stands. The only difference I would add is set a limit - £20 for example, and ask what to get with that. If their ideal gift costs more, let the parents buy it. Puzzles, colouring and crafty bits are cheap and most kids like to draw and make things.

But won't the toys sit in the corner whether they're second hand or not?

This gift giving seems done without joy and a bit of resentment. How about giving them some small token thing that doesn't cost a lot but that they'd still be happy to unwrap on the day along with a date for doing something special with them

Now they are getting older consider taking them out for the day, they will definitely remember it.

Your children are 3 and 4 and your already describing them as spoilt? Thats your parenting. Theres nothing wrong with getting them second hand stuff but maybe look at what your actually buying them as appose to what they actually want and play with.

Angry? Ohhh, these kids are being massively failed.

I wouldn't buy second hand for someone else's children. People can be funny about second hand gifts. If your worried about things sitting in a corner of a playroom unused then it will be no different with second hand toys, they might go straight to the bin which is even more wasteful.

If you're worried your gift won't be appreciated or used then certainly scale back what you give. We were a house with too much 'stuff' over run with toys because everyone is so generous at Christmas and birthdays. We started asking for consumables or experiences.

A hot chocolate hamper with syrups, hot choc bombs, marshmallows, sprinkles was one ds's favourite gifts and it all gets used. Play Doh and craft supplies always gets used. Similarly a popcorn maker with all the different flavours and kernels, maybe fluffy blanket, PJ's for a movie night in. Fun bath things, like bath bombs and slime bath and soap spaghetti. Ds got a great chocolate decorating kit from an auntie it was used, eaten an enjoyed!
Vouchers for cinema, bowling or farm/safari park always appreciated and get used.

maybe don't ask the parents for ideas this xmas? Say you want to buy them an experience day out instead and suggest some options - a zoo, a farm or whatever you can afford. Ask which they would prefer. Say you are cutting back on buying big toys when they have so many. Or say you're trying to be more environmentally conscious.

We got second hand most things for the kids for years until we thought they would be wise to it - they still get second hand bikes etc as presents and clothes but not as presents. Couple of years ago I got a big yellow lego head filled with about £100 worth of lego for a tenner, still gets played with most days. Another year when they were little, a big box of wooden brio railway tracks. I can't bear the environmental impact of kids' stuff and we're really conscious to pass it on when it's been outgrown too.

I know you're not the parent, but if kids are really tiny, stuff they have never really looked at yet, or birthday presents that were overlooked etc, can be re-wrapped and put under the tree!

Hmmm, I’m totally on board with 2nd hand. Most books I’ve bought for Xmas/bdays this year are pre-loved. Then I’d say 1/3 presents this year are. But often it’s cheaper for me to shop sales than 2nd hand (eg. Tonie characters are almost always cheaper on offer than what people will sell them for).

But reading your posts, the issue seems to be that you’re annoyed about the things you buy not being used/being broken. The latter I think you need to get over - kids break things. If the parents are asking for things out of your budget, then give them a budget. Lots of my relatives are messaging me atm asking what they can get for kids for x amount. I then send them a couple of ideas. Or some of them spot stuff and msg me to check we don’t already have it. Others just get what they want and we receive it graciously and try our best to put it to use/are honest if it’s a full on duplicate, so they can exchange.

Try to be a bit less grouchy at the kids/parents. There’s a lot of mental load work linked to organising Xmas presents. If you ask a vague open Q of “what can I get little Sophie for Xmas”, you can’t really be annoyed if the busy parents respond without too much thought. Try going in with a budget, or if you really think they’ve got lots, don’t add to the clutter, even with cheaper 2nd hand stuff. But a small token present to open and send money/voucher/experience pass.

oh I’m sorry but this is bollocks. The “mental load” isn’t a thing. And if you’re going to ask for expensive things for your kids, make sure you teach them to treat them with respect.

Yet, you’re still upset that they ‘don’t appreciate the toys’? I’m not sure kids that little really understand - and you sound quite mean.

Also second hand isn’t a punishment

Wait until you have a family of your own before you comment on the existence of the mental load!

To answer your question directly, I buy as much as possible second hand. My 2 year old is clueless, my 6 year old has grown up with it so thinks it's completely normal. I feel like a winner and put the difference either on mortgage overpayments or in the kids' ISAs.

Mine have had quite a lot second hand over the years. Wooden toys like a pirate ship, things like Happy Land, bikes, now they are older refurbished mobile phones.

Erm, why is it not?

You sound really mean spirited and like you actively dislike your siblings and nieces/ nephews.

PPs have already put you in your place about the mental load. I’m guessing you don’t have much experience parenting kids OP? Your nieces/nephews aren’t even school age. Your expectations are bonkers. Best of luck if and when you choose to start a family.
In the meantime, perhaps think for yourself and find sone thing to buy that won’t add to the clutter. Second hand is of course fine, but using as sone weird sort of punishment while you cast moral judgment on your siblings’ parenting is mean.

Just don’t buy many gifts, buy one and good quality! I have 3 kids (5, 3, 1). We always buy them one toy from Santa (nothing crazy - a box of lego, trains etc) and one present from us, which is always something they actually need and we ll have to buy it anyways (eg, wellies, clothes etc). They are always super happy for both presents! We couldn’t afford much more but I feel that’s enough and it’s not the point of Christmas.

Wow! You sound salty that a 3 year old didn’t show gratitude. That isn’t going to be solved by you buying second hand gifts. Stick some money in a card and be done.

I agree most kids have far too many toys. Of course they break and they can't look after them all or keep them organised. Nobody could and nobody would want to.
Just give them cash for a savings account.
Or cinema tickets.
Or a visit to a castle / seaside / farm / pool.

I would be really annoyed to be asked for presents worth 50 quid! Ideally you would give cash and the parents would give you the same amount in return. Eg. You give three kids 10 each and the parents give you 30.

Sure, but then the OP won't have wasted as much money! Why is that so hard to understand?