A very second hand Christmas

[XmasShoppingOnMyMind]

Is anyone else planning to do a basically fully second hand Christmas? All of the children in my family are super spoilt. They get hundreds of toys a year (or it feels like that) and the vast majority don’t get used. I’ve spent hundreds in the past and none of it is used or appreciated. So if they’re not going to appreciate what they get, they’re getting second hand! Anyone else?

You talk about “second hand” as though it’s some sort of punishment but there’s nothing wrong with making use of something that already exists. Perhaps change how you think about “stuff” in general then second hand gifts will be fine and your kids will learn to appreciate the stuff more. If the vast majority of toys don’t get used then don’t get so many toys! Clothes, books, experiences, consumables, all great gifts too.

They’re not mine!!

I think the eldest would quite like this, but they’re always super busy so it’s quite hard to find a good date

Second hand isn’t a punishment though . If your problem is appreciation then get less or something.
Yes I will be having a very second hand Christmas as I do every year . I often buy second hand cashmere for my (grown up) daughters, or vintage 90s era leather handbags , they’re really special.
When they were little I’d buy lots of stocking fillers second hand, Barbies , my little pony, action figures, Polly pocket etc.. they loved it.
I would say that they didn’t appreciate it any less though. They were things I’d carefully selected and beautifully presented.

How much is the spoilt 4 year old going to notice that their present off AnyuXmas isn't a pile of plastic tat, and what exactly are you concerned their response will be? I'd just buy something you think will actually be used.
If at 4/5 they're going to have a tantrum because they've noted you've not brought them a pile of toys, then that's their parents fault and they can deal with. It.

I often buy gifts in charity shops/Vinted as I love to hunt for specific items. This year it won’t just be a choice because of the gifts themselves and the sustainability but also a necessity due to cost of living pressures.
It’s not a punishment though, there is absolutely nothing wrong with second hand stuff!

Ours will be a largely second hand Xmas cos they stuff they want, it's more reasonable to buy second hand (they want stuff for a retro computer game), I'm prefer to buy second hand because of the waste / cost etc.

Not because I think buying second hand will somehow teach them a lesson or will mean I can spend less because they don't enjoy what I buy anyway.

You mention art sets and books. They'll either use or they won't. If they're second hand, it's still a waste of they won't be used. If they will be used, then it defeats the point of your supposed principles.

Personally I wouldn’t buy someone else’s child a second hand toy unless they’ve specifically asked for second hand or asked for something that you can’t actually get new anymore

I think it depends on the point you’re trying to make, really. If you want to save some money, then yeah, it’s a great idea. But you sound like you’re saying that you’re fed up of spending a fortune only for it to sit in their room, untouched, but you’re ok with spending much less for it to sit in their room, untouched? I’m not really seeing the logic behind that. What do you achieve except wasting £20 instead of £50?

A 3 or 4 year old is quite capable of understanding Aunty Xmas wrapping up a leaflet for the zoo in a gift box so there are pictures they can see and telling them that they’ve got so many toys already that you’re taking them on a very special day out, just the two of you. If it’s somewhere they want to go, they’ll be very excited, especially if it’s just you and them.

Well yeah, I’d rather a £3 art set off vinted gets ruined than having bought it brand new!! Or a £10 Barbie compared to £40 new!

We buy a lot of things second hand, and Christmas is no exception. We still try and get just the right thing for the right person, regardless of the gift‘s provenance.

However, it seems here that the issue is that the children don‘t appreciate the gift.

At 3-4 kids are always self-centred. They only start being able to see someone else’s perspective from 7 onwards - and that’s not overnight.

The kids would probably be happy with a pack of balloons or bubbles. And, at that age, are unlikely to remember who bought what.

Or have you asked the parents what the kids could actually use? I often used Christmas/ birthday to get something gifted that I knew we‘d need later in the year. Or a membership to somewhere that we‘d use throughout the year.

But you’re still wasting your time and your money, just slightly less of it.

Do you remember what any of your relatives bought you for any presents when you were a kid? Do you remember when any of them took you out and did something special with you?

Well they’re hardly deliberately not appreciating the new toys you bought them then are they if they’re that young!

@XmasShoppingOnMyMind May I make a suggestion, that you go through their toys next month and pare it right back and hand over the decent stuff to your local charity shops because then there will be space for the new stuff... But probably do not go as far as my mum, who used to make us take all our books back to the library before Christmas, as we were bound to get more for Christmas!

If you are an Aunt why not get them a membership to a zoo or farm park or even a sea life centre? I do that with my DGC. I ask DD which one they would like. She takes them a lot especially over summer holidays.

I am feeling a bit like that with our GC. We have cut right back on what we buy and put some money into their savings account.

Why not rewrap some of their old, never played with toys?

I remember the most special presents to me - a baby Annabelle for example or teddies.

but yes I would rather waste less money

Because the kids would be very angry

Not for the kids, but a fantastic vintage emporium has opened in Folkestone in the old wilkos store, and I will definitely be getting some gifts for adults there. Beautiful silk blouses, retro jumpers and lovely vintage glasses to accompany a bottle of something special.

I think for my parents it’s a bit easier to buy new. I’m going to look out for a retro football shirt for my brother but I’m not wanting to spend a ton on it

A few times my DM asked if there was anything my DC needed as she knew how many toys they had and I asked for pyjamas or a coat. She was happy to buy these and it really helped me out. She bought my DC some sweets too.

Do you ask what the kids want/need, or do you just buy what you think they like/What's cheap? Cos I have some relatives who ask and actually get the kids something they want and use, and some who think they can buy whatever is cheap or they think is cool, and it doesn't always hit the mark with the kids.

I sell antique and vintage accessories and jewellery which are per se second hand. People who collect these love them for themselves and it s a great pity to hear of them being regarded as a punishment. The stigma of buying vintage/pre owned has now more or less evaporated and people who think that way are outdated. Used things are better for the environment. They are often of far higher quality than the kinds of tat you can buy today. They can also have great character and charm.

Apart from my white goods and tech I have very little in my home that is not antique or vintage. I would not give modern furniture house room.

I've always done a mix of new and second hand for my DC since they were born! Things I've bought second hand but not exhaustive - Lego, dolls houses, computer games, dvds and CDs (okay a few years ago now 😅), horse riding stuff, clothes, the list goes on!

Now they are not remotely snobby about popping into a charity shop or going on eBay themselves for a bargain where friends of theirs wouldn't dream of doing such a dreadfully common thing 😅 I bore them with my little quote - Look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves. Plus they've got very conscious of the environment and waste in their old age 😅