Alas, the Turkey!

[Oneearringlost]

An anguished plea..

Over the last 25 years, I have bought:

1. Kelly Bronze, delivered from Norfolk
2. Local Butcher's turkey
3. M&S turkey
4. Tesco supermarket fresh
5. Tesco supermarket frozen
6. Local Farmers' market turkey

I have:

1. Dry-brined it
2. Wet-brined it
3. Brined it for 48 hours
4. Cooked it with butter under the skin
5. Cooked it covered in buttered muslin
6. Cooked it covered in bacon
7. Cooked it upside down
8. Cooked it slowly, overnight
9. Always rest it

Family insist on the whole bird, not a crown, nor a lovely chicken, cut of beef etc..
Tried goose last year, expensive disaster, so back to turkey.

I find it tough, tasteless, boring.
So, my anguished plea to all who cook turkey sucessfully, what else can I do to create a tender, toothsome bird, or do I just accept that I don't like turkey much, and get on with it, after all, its not really all about me?

@Talipesmum yes, yes yes, to lots of gravy!
And I'm pretty good at that.

Thank you so much, everyone, between you, you've convinced me to:

1. Ditch the turkey
2. Make myself my own chicken/lamb
3. Stuff the wretched bird so full of sausagement, it tastes like pork
4. Let them eat cake.

Yes, that was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek!

No.5!!! But sneak some sausages in blankets just for you - that will teach ungrateful buggers!

I've ordered M&S Christmas food to a store, with a timed slot - they don't home deliver, do they? Would it help to order exactly what you want & then you'll know it's waiting for you, even if it's a long drive?

Actually, my first response was, 'Let the ones specifying the meat do the cooking' - give yourself a year off, OP, & see how they get on.

P.s No.5a option was to cook whatever you want to eat and neck preferred booze. option 5b was to assign someone else the responsibility and cackle whilst imbibing said booze and refusing to be drawn into desperate cries for help; "I don't know how to cook potatoes, Google suggests multiple ways and Nigella made it look so easy!".

I use this recipe (without the stuffing) and rest if for 1 1/2 to 2 hours under double foil tent with a t towel over. I used to hate turkey, we would have a goose instead, but a relative one year hated the thought of goose, so I gave this recipe a go and it worked really well (always get a free range one from Waitrose or M&S). The gravy from the giblet/veg trivet was amazing too. I’ve made this recipe since, as the long resting means there’s plenty of room in the oven for all the million sides everyone wants. The meat is still hot, despite the long resting time.

https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/turkey/roast-turkey-7kg/

This is a really interesting article about resting times (of an average chicken) depending on how you keep it after removing from oven. I think most people don’t leave them to rest long enough (chickens or turkey).

https://temperature.co.uk/how-long-to-rest-a-roast-chicken-a-temperature-investigation/

Turkey is the ideal carrier for the essentials and it’s all in the stuffing for me. Jamie’s ciabatta, red onion and pancetta stuffing in one end, chestnut stuffing in the other. Cranberry sauce, bread sauce, gravy, pigs in blankets…. Later on the traditional turkey sandwich with pickles, some cheese and mango chutney.
Best turkey ever was from a farm near my house in Norfolk, but generally I never eat turkey any other time.

I must admit to being surprised to being in the minority here but we love Christmas turkey-I order from a local farm.

I do stuff it and do all the typical slits in the skin to put butter in etc. and in she goes in a butter blanket and comes out a thing of beauty.

DC -all in 20's now live for the turkey sandwiches after and have never had to conjure up anything to do with left overs but that!

I also agree they need to rest for hours versus minutes.
Getting hungry just thinking of it 🍗

Ditto. It is genuinely incredible. Turns any old Aldi frozen turkey into moist and gently spiced Christmas perfection. Her cooking times are incredible as well.

Yes the leftovers are the absolute best bit. Xmas day sandwich at 9.30pm with a pint of beer is the best meal of the year. I would cook the turkey just to have those leftovers.

Tesco frozen (defrosted obviously) Bronze turkey, slather with butter, cover with streaky bacon, follow Nigella’s hot and fast timings.

Are you overcooking it? I follow Nigella's timings. The first time I was concerned it wouldn't be cooked properly, as it seemed to be such a short time.

you just don’t much like turkey. But it’s only for one meal.

Ours is always nice.

Don’t buy one too big
Don’t increase cooking time by cooking it with stuffing inside
Rest it covered in foil and loads of tea towels for an hour while you cook spuds etc.

I get it from the local butcher, boned rolled and stuffed. It cooks in a shorter time, and doesn't dry out.

It's great that people can share recipes that actually work re Turkey, particularly resting times!
I may be a bit biased re how much I loathe the Bird because ex-MIL and other DIIs appeared to have an ongoing competition around who could source the cheapest, frozen Turkey and couldn't understand how I'd go green around the gills about lack of consideration of animal husbandry plus adulteration of food i.e being injected with saline / water before being frozen to increase weight and would chomp on the Cauliflower Cheese that I made plus ex-MILs 'home made' Yorkshire Puddings - Aunt Bessie wrappings in the bin. Bless.

If we're doing turkey i get it from Appledore. But most frequenty now we have roast chicken. (Marks and Spencer Oakham). Turkey is plain no matter what you do.

That is a common mistake, I agree, but I'm definitely not doing that, ( although may be have been guilty of that 20 years or so, ago).

Sigh....I just have to accept, I think, that I just don't like it, and it appears, from this thread, that I'm not alone.

I've put Nigella's wet brine in my notes on my phone, so I guess I'll give that a go.

At least I don't have to sweat over Christmas pudding and Christmas cake; nobody likes it in our family so I'll do Mary Berry's chocolate roulade and a lemon tart. ( And trifle for myself, Felicity Cloake's is perfect, imo)

Thank you @PudgeJudy, that is fascinating and completely bears put my very unscientific estimate of at least 5 degrees heat gain during resting time (likely to be more with a bigger bird/joint). I shall take mine out early with greater confidence now and double wrap/towels. Also I’ve said this on another thread but the Costco massive rolls of tin foil are amazing, super thick and strong as well as big and last a long time

@Oneearringlost if you get a crown (much easier to get the timings right), you could always get one or more of these for the brown meat fans https://www.waitrose.com/ecom/products/waitrose-slow-cooked-turkey-with-gravy/441416-666319-666320?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19928193315&gbraid=0AAAAADnhuuVGSnHs-CN1AqNhbFv4Oq9cv&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6bfHBhDNARIsAIGsqLjNOR38YGC6Lum3Yhtv65P2tV55GxClzYQblOopA-JAyk9ioLNs9KIaAu7KEALw_wcB

If you look on YouTube you will see a lot of professional chefs never cook a whole turkey.

They buy the bird then separate the crown from the thigh and leg. They stuff and roll the latter so it carves beautifully.

You can then cook the breast and dark meat for different times. Basically they say there is no way to properly cook an entire turkey whole without compromising some of the meat.

That said I just don’t like it however well it’s cooked and given I’m cooking I do a spectacular rib of beef instead. I’m not going to spend hours prepping and cooking something I get no enjoyment eating.

Here is an example:

Ohhh, how I'd love a rib of beef!
Yes, I think they're right about about cooking it separately. But that is a step too far for me!

That's a great idea and tip. Ill definitely consider that, thank you.

I think people over cook them and don't rest them.

You haven’t mentioned the temperature you cook the turkey at? And your oven could be running a bit hot too. When I tested my old oven there was a 30 C variance. And I was disgusted to discover my new bells and whistles oven runs 10-15 C hotter than it admits.

Also if you’re using a meat thermometer, check that it’s accurate too. Mine claims poultry is cooked at 87 C but 75 C is the consensus online. I used it the last two years instead of my tried and tested juices run clear test, and they were disappointingly dry. It only occurred to me to question it recently.