Alas, the Turkey!

[Oneearringlost]

An anguished plea..

Over the last 25 years, I have bought:

1. Kelly Bronze, delivered from Norfolk
2. Local Butcher's turkey
3. M&S turkey
4. Tesco supermarket fresh
5. Tesco supermarket frozen
6. Local Farmers' market turkey

I have:

1. Dry-brined it
2. Wet-brined it
3. Brined it for 48 hours
4. Cooked it with butter under the skin
5. Cooked it covered in buttered muslin
6. Cooked it covered in bacon
7. Cooked it upside down
8. Cooked it slowly, overnight
9. Always rest it

Family insist on the whole bird, not a crown, nor a lovely chicken, cut of beef etc..
Tried goose last year, expensive disaster, so back to turkey.

I find it tough, tasteless, boring.
So, my anguished plea to all who cook turkey sucessfully, what else can I do to create a tender, toothsome bird, or do I just accept that I don't like turkey much, and get on with it, after all, its not really all about me?

What’s your favourite meat?
Cook that instead.

Tradition is all well and good but if it doesn’t bring you joy, why bother?

We’re having lamb. If turkey was actually delicious, you’d have it more than once a year.

Oh, and it goes without saying. I baste it frequently and diligently.

We get an M&S turkey and it is always popular with my family (usually 10-12 of us). I never do anything fancy just cook as per the instructions.

However turkey can be so expensive for what it is, so if its not working for you I'd definitely be looking at another meat of choice.

You don’t like turkey it seems

butter and bacon slathered over it and cooked as delia smith says

and make lots of stuffing and pigs in blankets for yourself

Do Turkey and a nice joint of beef, or lamb, or whatever. You might find once they have tried something else, they'll be more amenable to it next year.

I would love lamb and couldn't agree with you more. I think "tradition" is overated and yes, if turkey, were, indeed, more delicious, we'd eat it more.

For years, I cooked turkey because it was the 'done thing'. Then I started cooking something else for me, but still did the turkey for everyone else. One year, one of the dcs said they want whatever I was having. The following year, everyone agreed we would have something different and just a turkey breast for those who were desperate for it. The only time we have turkey at Christmas now is if we go to one of the dcs. Best Christmas related decision ever.

Do you pre-order your M&S turkey, and get it delivered?
We are in deepest Dorset, and don't have an M&S nearby. The one and only time I had an M&S turkey, I went in on Christmas Eve, but that was particular to circumstances that year.

I got over this sadness and misery on my 4th coronas and after that we just swapped to what we want. Typically I do a huge pork roast in Xmas eve as it was my DHs childhood tradition with his family that they had pork, stuffing and gravy rolls for dinner. So class day we tend to have a leg of lamb or a huge shin of beef. I also offer pork and gravy from the day before if it’s wanted. Then Boxing Day is a giant glazed gammon. I love the left overs more than anything tbh.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/roast-calculator

Don’t cook it for too long , use the calculator ^^ or a similar one ( I calculated twice a last year as it said - both times , that the Turkey would cook in 3 hrs 5 mins )
Good Housekeeping usually do one and the Turkey federation of Britain ( or something similar )
I put a whole Lemon , stabbed to let the steam out in the cavity by the legs , cover in foil after it’s been browned , and let it rest for an hour or so , if you put a clean bath towel over the foil it’s stays hot for ages
You will have the oven free for all the sides

I’ve stopped feeling pressured to do turkey and ditched it.

Last year I did chicken, previous year beef then year before that lamb. The sides and pudding make it different to a Sunday roast in my house.

I use Phil Vickerys (from This Morning) advice, it works brilliantly, Turkey isn’t dry and everyone always comments as such.
You sit it on veggies but add boiling water and wine and double foil it so it steams as it roasts. Google it - honestly it’s a winner.
btw - I’m no fan of turkey either but everyone else says it’s not Christmas without it…

Yup, definitely tempting..You see, I love a good chicken....that's an idea. Lots of freezer space, so nothing would go to waste.

If you aren’t keen on turkey then do a small turkey and something that you like. Maybe beef roast, or whatever you prefer.

Sorry, I also ditched turkey about ten years ago and never looked back. Smaller Christmasses involve a good chicken and bigger ones involve beef now.

I'be done turkey once. I now do a chicken, a joint of beef in gravy in the slowcooker over night and I do a pork crackling joint

I've found Nigella wet brine fantastic... my husband loves turkey, so we do it a lot. The key I think, are her timings. Do you all remember the massive fuss around it at the time? I love her Christmas cookbook!

"Google it - honestly it's a winner"
That quite compelling. Thank you.

But also, all of you who have ditched the turkey..compelling too.
Just need to work on husband to seduce him into something else...

Donald Russell meat is always good. Tom Kerridge did Christmas dinner for under £12 a few years ago where he flattened stuffed and rolled Turkey steaks and they were really good but it’s not a whole bird

I have wet-brined in the past, but not Nigella, I think. Might give her a go. Thank you.

turkey is dry and boring.
My mum insists on cooking a turket and every time it is at best ok.
When we host christmas we do lamb!
If it was that nice you'd have it all year round wouln't you? One of the best ones my mum did was when it was wrapped in bacon and stuffed with sausagemeat, but that was because it tasted like pork... so why not just have pork???

We have spent enough money on 'fancy' turkeys over the years to buy a bloody holiday home in Turkey to go to for christmas.
Last 3 years bought bog standard turkey from Aldi.
I cram ( and i mean) cram butter under the skin....so much butter....
i put it in roasting tin with some onions, lemon and carrot tops , stock cubes and pour in boiling water to well up to the top, three lots of foil and cook...
when done turn over so breast side down and leave it for an hour ...the juices soak back down through the breast.
I make good gravy ( sorry boasting but i do ...) and everyone smothers turkey in it !
BUT - if your family insist on a whole turkey then they can cook it and eat it...you could get yourself a nice half leg of lamb or small fillet of beef or even a bloddy fishfinger if you want !
Its not the law to eat Turkey or even cook it for your family

“I’m not making turkey this year. It’s too much of a faff and never lives up to expectation. I’m going to make X”
“Oh but it’s not Christmas without turkey”
“Fair enough. Would you like to cook this year?”

This year will be the first year we go back to turkey, for as long as I can remember we have had beef and lamb for Christmas. Cook what you enjoy, create your own traditions if you don’t like turkey. I’d maybe cook some turkey papillote for those who like turkey, and other meats to suit yourself.

I won’t eat it and I won’t cook it either. It’s just not nice??! And hideously expensive.