Help me find the holy grail

[bumblebramble]

I’m really stumped this year. Pils are in their 80s, mentally sharp but they can’t walk far. Fil has a heart condition and mil is diabetic and arthritic. Both have hearing aids.

They downsized drastically in the last year, and got rid of about 70% of their possessions so they don’t want clutter. They eat out a couple of times a week so restaurants (even very expensive ones) and afternoon tea are their normal, rather than a special occasion. We see them regularly so spending quality time together is already a given.

They don’t drink or smoke. They’ve given up gardening and hired a gardener. They still play golf but have every thing they want and need related to that.

The last couple of years we organised excursions for them with our dc, and they enjoyed that but their mobility has dropped dramatically and they can’t manage much now. They are very proud and refuse to use wheelchairs or mobility aids (with the exception of the golf buggy of course)

For Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Easter etc we have made hampers of treats or cheese, which they enjoy. But at Christmas they get a lot of that sort of thing, and don’t want more.

They have more clothes, shoes and accessories than they could ever wear. They both have fitbits, More pictures than wall space, cabinets full of vases and ornaments. Their house is fully furnished.

The dc are long past the cute homemade gifts stage. Oh and they do not like bird watching (they’d be more inclined to shoot them for trespass)

In the past we’ve given them

heated blankets (miss)
ipads (hit)
kindles (hit)
digital photo frame (miss)
robot hoover (hit)
Nespresso machine (hit)
robot lawnmower (hit)
robot window cleaner (miss)
organised days out (difficult)
silk pillowcases (miss)
vouchers to restaurants (not used)
theatre tickets (not used)
jewellery (returned)
access to newspaper archives (hit)
gag gifts (not amused)
historical interest books (hit)

Gift giving is a huge deal in this family. I don’t necessarily understand it, but it is what it is. As much as I’d love to make this dh’s problem to solve alone, I’ll still have to listen to him stressing about it and that’s not my idea of Christmas fun.

So… if you’ve read this far, and know the whereabouts of the holy grail, have any suggestions, I would be so grateful because I’m completely and utterly stumped.

@bumblebramble I would by a charity gift donation. A sewing machine for a village woman to set up a small business, a goat for a family, maze seeds for a small village etc.

Was going to say air fryer..

But..
Massage pads for their chairs
Nintendo switch
VR headset
A plant subscription
Pie face or It’s Bananas 😂
Gift voucher to make personalised monopoly board - a good family task for Boxing Day designing it
A charitable donation
Fishtank/fish!
Digital radio

I got my dad a retro style record player and a stack of albums I knew he would like...even i enjoyed the nostalgia of playing records that I grew up hearing him play! It's been a huge hit, with potential to gove other old albums that I am tracking down for him.

Something about vinyl just hits different, and it's the technology of his youth.

I think it is these ones, but it's a while since we bought them.

Avantree Duet - Dual Wireless Headphones for TV Watching, Clear Voice & Loud Volume for Seniors, Easy Plug & Play Setup, with 2.4GHz RF Transmitter & Charging Dock amzn.eu/d/5Bg5M2w

Ooh, I actually didn’t note the name so thank you! Was going to reply on searching. Those are the ones!

it was more of a cottage, in Dorset. But such a good idea, everywhere should have them!

Another vote for a Teasmade. It’s a game changer as it means they can stay in bed and enjoy a morning tea without venturing to the kitchen. Buy a small flask to keep the milk fresh overnight, and a tray or basket for transporting the flask and mugs to and from the kitchen.

Yes, books as @ChippingSoda says. You mentioned books on their historical interest were a hit before. Hopefully something new will have been published - even if their interest is very niche.

Excellent thread and great suggestions! I send my Dad and Step-Mum narcissi from the Scilly Isles every year, for pre- Christmas delivery. They are always a tremendous hit. They are relatively local, compared to many cut flowers, and fill the house with a lovely scent. A few bunches of tender spring flowers in those dark days leading up to Christmas seems to really lift their spirits.

Love this thread

What has stuck with me from a previous year thread on hard to by for people (yes thinking you DF, DB and DH) is the suggestion "look at what they really like/love and buy a better version"

3 years ago I was at a Christmas fayre with a stand full of cleaning implements to buff draining boards with or duster things to get in small spaces where I saw a leather fly swatter (!) tbh I bought it as a stocking filler for DH who up til then was enthusiastically swatting meddlesome flies with a plastic £1 swatter from the £ shop..... he bloomin loves it and it's still going strong

A cleaner ? We paid for my gp’s to have a cleaner come in once a week for the big stuff and we continue it every year now as it really helps them out.
we also did new fresh towels one year - thick luxury soft fluffy towels which they liked, but I knew they where thinking about getting rid of their old ones

For people who would rather shoot birds than encourage/feed/watch them??

I was going to suggest this - I'd personally avoid those cutesy retro-style players though as some of them have a bad reputation, but otherwise you can pick up a decent one for £250 or so. Vinyl does just sound better esp for old LPs, even if not all new LPs sound great as the vinyl quality is variable.

Also, you could make up a photo collage of fave pics from over the decades, if you can unearth the original negatives you can get them scanned at Snappy Snaps and the resulting print can look minted, like a Blu Ray of your favourite old movie. On a melancholic note, it is best to do this stuff sooner rather than later because with at least one of my parents I put it off later on because it had a 'life flashing before your eyes' type feel to it when they were in nursing homes.

Secondly, the earlier you get these old photos in lovely frames or in a collage, the longer your parents have time to enjoy it; it is good to get these old photos set up in advance to enjoy when they still were able to. If there is a move to a care home, these framed photos come in useful for the room, it tips off the staff that your parents are valued.

On an even more maudlin note and I apologise in advance, but any ordered and scanned photos do come in handy much later when you have to do the Order of Service for a funeral, you can just pick out the 5 - 10 nice photos and not have to stress out over them in what may well be the worst week of your life.

there are companies that will deliver a selection of cheeses. You can choose whether to have just one delivery or a few - say every three months through the year.

We started getting my parents posh chocolates a few years ago. They look forward to them every year. I have to make sure I order 2 of every chocolate so they don't fight over them 😆 My brother has ordered some for my mums birthday and she has told my dad he better not eat any while she is out. I also buy my mum a new candle or a new scarf. She was eying up my new scarf so I have added that to her list.

What about a bowl of Hyacinths in flower at Christmas, they are beautiful and the scent is gorgeous.

DH and I have used Dishpatch quite a lot for ourselves and plan to send his DB & SiL a voucher this Christmas.
It's restaurant food delivered to your house - we've tried Paul Ainsworth, Cafe Murano and St John food among others:

The Best Restaurant Meal Kits, Delivered Nationwide | Dishpatch https://share.google/5cyeGiT3RuOS1PeHY

Eta We got a supper club membership for ourselves last year which we felt was good value but it might not be so good as a gift.
Didn't get one this year as we could both do with losing some weight.

Love the list of hits and misses.

You said no subscriptions but I was going to suggest the Readly app, or a bunch of flowers a month subscription.

Or how about a year’s supply of nespresso pods given that was a hit?

Posh coffee maker, spa voucher, day out on steam train

this is my favourite suggestion in a thread full of great suggestions !
😂

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so organised for the annual debate! Thank you for all these contributions and I’m glad other people are finding this thread helpful.

For those gently suggesting that they might actually prefer no gift, it’s hard to explain the dynamic. Officially their position is that we should buy nothing, but then after Christmas there will be much one-upmanship as gifts from their various offspring are compared across their generation. Taking them at their word would be disastrous.

But by the same token, they have been through a very stressful house move and downsizing a life time of possessions hasn’t been easy. So that’s why I want to be respectful of that.

A few years ago mil’s bil was given a Porsche for his 90th birthday, despite being in a wheelchair and on oxygen. It had to be returned, but he definitely won the top trumps that year. Obviously it was rented for the day, but mil hasn’t twigged that. And it helped reset the competition as our rather more modest gifts were judged sensible and evidence of the common sense which his family, despite their extravagance are clearly lacking.

Get a photographer in to do a beautiful family photo of you all together for the wall? Then you can all get a copy...

I would like almost all gifts mentioned myself 😂what a great thread