Best friends kids disrespect my house

[Whyseverythingsocomplicated]

So my best friend who I love spending time with keeps asking to get together for New Year’s Eve. By get together she means come round my house as she says hers is too small. And also she will expect to have a sleepover which would be fine except she has two children one 15 and one 12 (I have 10 years old twins). The 12 year old however has major behaviour problems and when hes been round mine in the past he’s goes snooping in my bedroom and my daughters messing with stuff he shouldn’t mess with. He also gets my son figures and bashes them on his furniture in his room and last time he came he decided to go in the craft room paint buzz light year with red paint then put it on my sons carpet getting paint everywhere. I have just decorated my son’s bedroom and feel if they are here I just won’t be able to relax and will be on edge all night. I just do not trust him and I certainly don’t want them sleeping over. I don’t feel like I can be completely honest with my friend, help!

Just say no?
‘were going to do a quiet one just us but happy to meet your for a coffee/lunch/something else on x date’
I don’t think it’s a big deal, she’s clearly a cf, so I wouldn’t worry about offending

"No, because last time your DS was badly behaved and disrespectful, went into rooms he shouldn't have and went through mine and my DDs belongings, and intentionally damaged my DCs toys".

There you go.

Sorry Jane - I can't cope with Jack's behaviour. He trashed my house last time and there is no way I'm prepared to repeat that. How about we come over to yours, and I'll get a taxi home later?

"No. We're just having a quiet one, me and the kids. We'll catch up in early January though."

Did your friend give him a good telling off, I'd be mortified if that was me and never take them to anyone elses house for a long time.

Yes she told him off but it makes no difference he’s really naughty. Honestly he has full on tantrums worse than a two year old.

’we can come to yours instead, just the evening and don’t mind the squeeze at all’

‘let’s meet early afternoon in the pub, I’ve not got the stamina for any visitor's.

I think you have to be relatively honest or it's going to keep coming up. Just say we'd love to see you but after your ds went through all of our rooms and caused damage to our things the kids and I just aren't comfortable with it. Hope you understand. Would love to meet at yours or elsewhere.

Agree that at some point you’re going to have to address this because avoiding it and just not inviting her round and making excuses forever more in the long run is more hurtful.

I think you guys are right I need to have an honest conversation with her. She won’t be surprised as they don’t get invited anywhere because of his behaviour but then this fact makes me feel even more guilty about it all.

no way would I agree to that. Can’t you go to their house?

Just tell her no. Say that it didn't work the last time because 12 year old seemed to be overwhelmed by the situation and did x, y and z. What about doing x instead? (think of something not involving them staying over at your place or even coming round to yours).

She shouldn't ask. It's just not fair. Your things are being damaged, he's snooping around your belongings, she knows this and she still wants to do it. I feel for her because she's obviously in a difficult situation but it's not fair on you to have your house ruined.

The 12 year old is beyond naughty his behaviour is plain destructive and I wouldn't sugarcoat that pill when telling your friend why it's a no to the visit at your house.

The truth will set you free! Why lie?

If your friend was aware of the damage done by her son and his behaviour on their last visit, then it's unreasonable of her to expect you to accommodate them on NYE. I cannot understand why she would ask.

Tell her that you can meet up somewhere in the day, but you'll be having a quiet NYE at home as the last sleepover did not go well.

With the other replies, you need to be honest but suggest meeting somewhere else with the kids for the evening. If you tell the truth she won’t ask again.

I have been in your exact same position.
My friend has 3 kids aged 5 ,7 and 12 and honestly it is horrific when they come over. My kids are active but they know when to not do something whereas it's always awkward to tell someone else's child. She would always say I'll bring the kis up and come and see you and I'd always make an excuse. In the end I had to just be honest or go to hers. Even in my car they destroyed things and their mum never replaced and laughed stuff off when I told her which would wind me up , in this instance honesty is the best policy to be honest and will save you a lot of anxiety

Lay ground rules down if they break it parents replace it simple as or stop the individual coming over your house is your house not a zoo don't be afraid to tell the truth don't be a carpet if truth hurts there feelings tough

It's your house your rules don't feel guilty seems like a excuse to palm kids off onto you to be honest be truthful even if it costs you your friendship a true friend will understand not get moody if her kids can't respect your house then they are not welcome

Hey OP, as others have said, be honest, although sometimes it can be very awkward.
Suggesting to meet somewhere is a good idea, that a pp has mentioned.
I can tell from your posts, you will feel guilty but it's better for you in the long run, and better for your kids. It's not fair they have to put up with a spoilt brat on New Year's eve, and nor should you.

She’s not your friend.

Friends don’t allow their children to trash each other’s houses.

Do a little laugh and say, “No, not after the last time. I had to buy new carpets!”

Tell her no and tell her why! Good grief!

12!!! That’s ludicrous. She needs to parent better

This