Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

"Pot luck" present for middle aged woman

214 replies

redskydarknight · 03/12/2024 12:50

A group of friends I meet up with regularly have decided to do a "pot luck" for Christmas presents i.e. like Secret Santa, but you are not given a specific person to buy for, you just need to buy a generic present that will be assigned at random.

I hate these things with a passion because I can never think of anything to get, while everyone else seems to manage to get well thought out unique gifts.

So hoping someone has some good suggestions for me?
The group consists of women from mid 40s - mid 60s; and budget is max of £10.

OP posts:
woffley · 04/12/2024 10:57

MamaWeasel · 03/12/2024 14:51

A pair of Joya socks, they are fab!

I would hate to receive prosecco

Thanks. Just ordered a load for myself!

Mistletones · 04/12/2024 10:58

Coffee voucher. Pret gift card or whatever is nearby. Or a local place if you’d prefer. Most people go out for coffee if they can afford it, and if they don’t usually there’s at least something they can eat or drink there when they’re out and about.
I always get candles which make me wheezy, alcohol that I don’t drink, a bath bomb that I can’t use or hand cream which I can add to the 25 I already have.

SunQueen24 · 04/12/2024 10:59

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 10:51

Conclusion from reading this thread....
"middle aged women" hate everything 😂

Yes just get them a fuck off bag off humbugs.

CandleStub · 04/12/2024 11:00

I am surprised at quite how many people appear to be offended by what’s intended to be a kind gesture on this thread.

Agreed. People are easily outraged. IRL the recipient will have just been through the process herself of having to choose a present for an unidentified person and so will hopefully feel a bit more magnanimous.

ErrolTheDragon · 04/12/2024 11:01

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 10:51

Conclusion from reading this thread....
"middle aged women" hate everything 😂

Well yes, if you take the whole population of middle aged women (or any other demographic) someone among them will dislike some particular thing. Grin
But there's a higher probability of them disliking (or not being able to use) eg a lush bath bomb than some of the other options.

ExquisiteDecorations · 04/12/2024 11:02

SunQueen24 · 04/12/2024 10:42

I love toiletries and perfume and hate consumables because I have allergies. Love a candle.

If I got consumables my kids would eat them - I’d say thank you and be gracious. I am surprised at quite how many people appear to be offended by what’s intended to be a kind gesture on this thread.

Not offended, just don't want most of it. There's a difference.

woffley · 04/12/2024 11:06

I'd be happy with pretty much anything on this thread. I'm 66 so probably don't count as middle aged.
What I don't really like (and DS has started buying every year) is a food hamper. Maybe if I was 90..

What would I buy myself for £10?
Posh socks.

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 11:08

@SunQueen24 it's not so much a bah humbug but it is really ridiculous to keep buying all these random gifts because everyone is different and everyone has such different tastes and interests.
This thread completely proves that.
It's a strange practice really this Secret Santa malarkey.
Perhaps it is time to call it a day. Everyone can just spend the £10 they would spend on a treat for themselves. Or not if they really don't want/need anything - which is a phrase I never really believe.

SunQueen24 · 04/12/2024 11:12

@Needmorelego you’re not always at liberty to make that decision - sometimes it’s easier to go along with it, some people enjoy it.

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 11:15

@SunQueen24 Secret Santa is never compulsory though.
People can opt out.

reluctantbrit · 04/12/2024 11:22

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 10:51

Conclusion from reading this thread....
"middle aged women" hate everything 😂

I think it shows how fussy we got, that we don't want stuff for the sake of having stuff, that we our own tastes and likes/dislikes and are honest enough to say it.

Even in friendship groups we all have our own tastes and I would struggle getting a gift which fits all three of my best friends unless it is chocolate. Purely because they all love different things and have different hobbies.

One even may like a candle.

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 04/12/2024 11:25

These threads are hilarious. Some things on the thread I'd love (bring on the olive oil as a present, although a 'gift' type bottle isn't being found for £10), some I'd hate, but I wouldn't be taking any of them as a personal affront and reacting with such vitriol.

Don't overthink it, OP - just buy something you'd be pleased to receive and cross your fingers. If they hate it, they can pass it on to someone else.

WildFigs · 04/12/2024 11:26

ExquisiteDecorations · 04/12/2024 11:02

Not offended, just don't want most of it. There's a difference.

For you, maybe. People up the thread were talking about being "insulted" or screaming (presumably internally) if they got the wrong gift.

ExquisiteDecorations · 04/12/2024 11:38

I don't think they really do feel offended though, just a bit frustrated with the pontlessness of it all.

HelloCheekyCat · 04/12/2024 11:51

DH has a woman in her late 50/early 60's for secret Santa who he doesn't know really, he's bought her a candle set and some chocolates, I'm hoping she isn't one of the PP who hates them! It's so hard buying for someone you don't know well, in our work secret Santa it's a small team & we all get on well so it works brilliantly,
This way not so much!

Printedword · 04/12/2024 11:53

woffley · 04/12/2024 11:06

I'd be happy with pretty much anything on this thread. I'm 66 so probably don't count as middle aged.
What I don't really like (and DS has started buying every year) is a food hamper. Maybe if I was 90..

What would I buy myself for £10?
Posh socks.

That’s interesting, I love a food hamper. But I wouldn’t like oven gloves or a tea towel.

Hot water bottle also a bit meh as are bed socks and shower caps.

ButterCrackers · 04/12/2024 11:55

Some nice soap/shampoo bar or herbal tea selection

sansou · 04/12/2024 12:09

Inoffensive Tea Gift

RedToothBrush · 04/12/2024 12:10

sansou · 04/12/2024 12:09

Inoffensive Tea Gift

There's two things offensive about that.

Firstly it's utterly hideous. And the second is it's got tea in it.

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 12:12

Oh I actually quite like that tea thing!

DazedAndConfused321 · 04/12/2024 12:19

WinterFoxes · 04/12/2024 06:57

I hate lush products and am amazed people think them suitable for middle aged woman as they are famous for irritating the skin with their overpowering scents and glitter shit, causing UTIs and cystitis which post meno women are susceptible to. Next to asthma- inducing Lynx, they are my most loathed body products.

I'm part of a rather lovely group of middle aged/menopausal women who would disagree!

redskydarknight · 04/12/2024 13:01

Semiramide · 04/12/2024 09:56

Sigh.

One day you too will be a bit old. And you'll realise that your tastes - and much else besides - may not have changed all that much.

People are individuals. And age is just a minor aspect of their personality.

I'm old enough to know that my tastes now are different from 10 years ago and even more different to 30 years ago. Your tastes may have stayed the same but people are all different.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/12/2024 13:59

SunQueen24 · 04/12/2024 06:23

I dont know why you feel the need to be so rude. I am not gifting them because I think they won’t like them - I’m gifting them because I think they will. If they don’t that’s fine. I won’t be heartbroken.

I'm genuinely sorry that the tone in that reply was unnecessarily brusque. Should not post from my phone after a sleepless night! I was reacting to the idea that every single person you give to was getting the same thing, but you probably didn't mean literally everyone - everyone in a group of friends, maybe?

I do increasingly feel, though, that a lot of gift-giving at Christmas is utterly pointless, but thinking about it that's probably because I take what is perhaps a simple, literal approach and see it as X attempting to give Y something that Y will like and be able to make use of, and Y doing the same for X. Unfortunately sometimes this doesn't work out and X gives Y, a recovering alcoholic, a bottle of whisky, or Y gives X, a man with a full beard, a bottle of aftershave, or A gives B, a lifelong vegan, some local honey. Meanwhile C spends a lot of time, effort and money finding the ideal thing for D (which D privately hates and re-gifts at the first opportunity) and D gives C a gift set of toiletries that C knows is on a 3 for 2 offer at every retailer in the country and which C can't use because of a long-standing allergy.

However, I suspect for a lot of other people what is actually happening with an exchange of gifts is more symbolic. X gives something to Y and that tells Y that X has a certain regard for Y, or is conscious of a relationship between them that necessitates an exchange of gifts. What the gift actually is is not always that important. The really significant bit is that they are giving each other something.

The lucky sane, balanced people who are capable of thinking 'Oh dear, Beardie Alan gets aftershave from Auntie Jean again - what is she like? Ha ha. Never mind, she means well' or 'Crikey, has Terry really forgotten that Chris was in the Priory this time last year? Better have a quiet word with both of them and smooth that one over' are the ones who come out of Christmas unconsumed by bitter thoughts. I have no bitter thoughts now either, but that's because my family has basically stopped bothering with gifts and fortunately for me we don't have friends we exchange gifts with either.

Anyway, getting back to the subject of the thread, I saw a thread on a work Secret Santa a while back where several people said they no longer had one and instead everybody was asked to bring in donations for a food bank. That seemed like a sensible idea to me. Would it work for OP's group, maybe not this year, but next?

SunQueen24 · 04/12/2024 14:05

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g thanks - I agree it’s pointless and I don’t like it either. My DH is one of 6. So I have 5 SIL that side and 3 on my own side. I know 3 SIL will love the lush, the others have kids who will enjoy the bath bombs if the SIL don’t.

i find it frustrating as we always agree no presents on DH’s side but then it starts again and on a couple of Christmas’ I’ve felt guilty we’ve arrived empty handed and been greeted by a generic, yet thoughtful gift. So I’ve started doing little gifts too. The lush is generic but not without thought and will pair with some local honey/chutney or wine. You are right in that the significance is in the gifting and what that represents.

I admit i do get teachers bath bombs because they’re generic and non offensive, I used to do a bottle of their preferred booze in nursery as I knew the staff better. I school I don’t feel I know the teachers and am always cautious with alcohol as not everybody drinks. I hope they appreciate the gesture if they don’t like the gift. I admit I’m surprised by how many people don’t like lush 🤣

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/12/2024 14:12

Got it. Sounds like a sensible approach. I used to do similar when the kids were small (in their 30s now!). Got stung by a mismatch of approaches between different branches of the family too - much easier now we all don't bother, tbh.

Onwards and upwards!

Swipe left for the next trending thread