Am I being unreasonable.

[ChristinaB1203]

Hi, am I being unreasonable.

We have 1 DS who is 3 and for the first time is getting the magic of Xmas.
Every year DH Dad girlfriend has down elaborate 1st December box ( new bedding, balloon, pj, books) it's too much and we have said this.
This year my DH spoke to his Dad and said polite thank you but no thanks this year as I wanted to do my own and bring the magic myself for my own son.
He has had to have similar conversation with his Mum as she does Xmas eve box.

This whole thing is wild to me as my parents are loving grandparents but have bought a chocolate advent calendar and that's it.

Fast forward to today and we receive a message to say my DS 1st December box is at there's!!!

How do I handle this?

I think it should be left to us as parents to bring the magic or am I being an ungrateful Ahole??

I'd leave it at theirs

I’m betting DH’s dad hasn’t told his wife, or made it clear to her.

Would you message and say that though ?
They've messaged to say we can collect or they can drop off!

We are not doing that this year but thanks very much. Kind regards from x

I'm not down with 1st Dec or Xmas eve boxes but if it's important to you I'd go and collect and then say to their faces that it's very nice of them but next year you'd like to prepare your own 1st Dec box.

Then next year when they do it again you can remind them what you said and say your ds is already sorted with one and you wont be collecting it.

"Thanks. As dh explain d we have done our own so we are busy this weekend with it. Perhaps next weekend you could pop your box over and share it with DS?"

I'm not one for deciding if others can or can't do things for my DS. But I will say if and when I'm free for them to do it.

i Know for some reason it is annoying you but I would not have a problem with this. Children get input from loads of people besides their parents as they grow up. I have older children so would be just delighted if someone else pays for things now, I’d be grabbing her hand off!

my DS 1st December box is at there's!!!
Sorry if I'm missing something, but does this mean they are planning a gift every day of December like an advent box each day? Or its a single gift for Dec and separate to a Christmas gift?

Who was the message from to sat collect or they will drop it off? I too wonder if the dads wife has been told. What does your DH say?

You/DH should text back something like 'Thank you, but we already discussed with Bob/David/Dad that we won't be doing December gifts this year'.

It is separate to a Xmas gift.
Last year in this box was

New Xmas bedding
2 set of PJ
Xmas jumper
3 books
Chocolate coins
Chocolate advent
Teddy
Craft stuff
Reindeer food
A a massive balloon with an elf inside.

I just think it is excessive, as we do our own elf arriving box.

It takes away the magic we create at home.

This year my DH spoke to his Dad and said polite thank you but no thanks this year as I wanted to do my own and bring the magic myself for my own son.
I’d resend whatever message I’d sent that reflected this and say “Thanks but we’ve already done our own as we said we would.”

But he is opening it at home?

it’s also free so it sounds good to me. Are you the only magician allowed in his life? Maybe there is a backstory but I can’t see the problems at all. I hope you have a nice Christmas x

I don't think it does have to take away the magic at home.

Your ds will remember what you did and what his grandparents did.

When my ds younger I was a LP with little money. My parents would but expensive gifts etc.

He's still really attached to me and remembers what I did for him.

I hate this either/or with parents and grandparents.

Why can't everyone that loves a kid show it?

Different perspective here but what do the kids think? Surely they would love it! I'd enjoy it and it's one less thing for you to do

And the weird Ringfencing Of Festive Joy has started on MN already.

Look, this woman loves your son. She's in his life, and she brings joy to it. It gives her joy to give this gift, and your son joy to receive it.

What is your 'win' here? You get to give him a different box of stuff? Big woop.

Loving and fun people in your kid's life is waaaay more important than 'but I got to give him a box of pointless shit FIRST'.

Honestly I would just suck it up - it’s there way of showing some love. Stuff can be recycled - just say thanks and keep the stuff you want. Bedding and pjs and craft stuff is nice. It doesn’t take from you and a bit of give and take oils the relationships long term.

OK tbh it does sound like a lot, but I don't think I would be upset or refuse a gift someone else bought for our family.
You say you want to do your own thing, what would you do?
Would you buy your own Christmas jumpers /pj's if they hadn't?
I know on MN the culture is to hate things like this but unless you were desperate to buys your own Christmas jumpers/ bedding it doesn't seem like that much of a big deal. Obviously it's a bit excessive compared to others, but that's it.

Well said @MillyMichaelson

Collect it in a week’s time.

I think YBU you’re taking away a really lovely thing for your DS - put him first.

You can do lots of games and fun on 1st Dec at home, it doesn’t have to be about money.

Wait is that all it is? Come on, it’s hardly crime of the century.

Grandparents and step grandparents are allowed to get excited for Christmas with their grandchildren.

How does it stop the magic? Isn't it just more magic? Personally we just did advent calendar and Christmas presents, it seems to be spreading more and more but if you do 1st December celebration I can't see the problem. Three year old won't care who bought what.

They can't have too many people to love them.

If they end up with too many jumpers/pjs or whatever I'd take some to a charity, plenty of kids would love some magic.

Oh gosh they sound absolutely awful. There are some terrible people in this world. I'd go no contact.

I don’t see the problem really just say “thanks that’s very kind, we’ve also done a box for him here so why don’t you keep it at your house for him to enjoy when he comes round”. Problem solved.

What, like, as a punishment? Nice.