Am I being unreasonable.

[ChristinaB1203]

Hi, am I being unreasonable.

We have 1 DS who is 3 and for the first time is getting the magic of Xmas.
Every year DH Dad girlfriend has down elaborate 1st December box ( new bedding, balloon, pj, books) it's too much and we have said this.
This year my DH spoke to his Dad and said polite thank you but no thanks this year as I wanted to do my own and bring the magic myself for my own son.
He has had to have similar conversation with his Mum as she does Xmas eve box.

This whole thing is wild to me as my parents are loving grandparents but have bought a chocolate advent calendar and that's it.

Fast forward to today and we receive a message to say my DS 1st December box is at there's!!!

How do I handle this?

I think it should be left to us as parents to bring the magic or am I being an ungrateful Ahole??

@ChristinaB1203 you have Christmas Day and Boxing Day to do lots of "magic".
You also have the whole of December to take him to see Santa, go and look at some lights, go to a church nativity/christingle/carol concert......it doesn't matter really who does what in a family. Does it?

I think it's nice that they do this for him. There are still lots of ways you can create the magic of Christmas!

Just say 'awww that's nice but we've already got that sorted. As DH said to you, you don't need to do that anymore we've got it covered. If it's going spare maybe we could donate it?'.

I get it OP. Every flipping year a relative would make us a Christmas cake which on the surface sounds nice doesn't it, but honestly it was rank 🤢 The cake gave us acid indigestion and the marzipan was a sort of greyish colour and looked like a nursery child's creation.

We tried to say we didn't like Christmas cake but she wouldn't listen. Every flippin year she'd make it and every year it would go in the bin. Such a waste. I wouldn't have minded but she did this whole song and dance to get attention about how amazing the cake was and how generous she was for doing it. Like a child seeking attention.

Nip it in the bud and say just spending time playing with DS would be much more appreciated.

Its just more plastic tat to throw away afterwards and god knows the planet doesn't need it.

You can still do your own along side theirs.

I bet there’s some back story to this!

Its irritating that your husband told her no, and she’s done it anyway.

But what she includes sounds lovely and so thoughtful. Let your son have it. There are a million other things you can do in December to “create magic.”

I used to be like you op and it would give me unacceptable levels of rage. But then I realised, it's there money, time and way of demonstrating their excitement for your child's excitement. They aren't taking anything away but enhancing the whole experience. Let them, your dc will eventually remember it with fondness.

Yes, it can be view at as spoiling them but isn't that a grandparents job?

How would you feel if you'd gone to
A lot of expense and bother to do this, and the recipient said 'actually just donate it'.

I would have not declined earlier in the year, expected the box and not duplicated it myself.

Plenty of things to do at Christmas that you can organise.

Why make everything so difficult?

How would you feel if you asked someone not to do something and yet they completely ignored you and did it anyway. Works both ways.

They didn't listen, the expense is on them. No sympathy.

But there's no good reason for it @HunsandRoses apart from stamping of feet and 'me do it' like a toddler.

Literally denying a toddler gifts and joy for her own sense of worth as a parent. Awesome.

@MillyMichaelson why would you begrudge surplus stuff going to homeless kids and bringing then a little bit of joy? isn't that what Christmas is about?

Yeah, that's just gaslighting someone who has made a reasonable and prior request to another adult not to do something. Accusing the OP of having a tantrum doesn't negate the fact they completely ignored their request not to do it .

Oh for the love of god @HunsandRoses you know that's not what I said. It's incredibly fucking rude to be offered a gift and go 'nah, stick it in charity'.

@MillyMichaelson "And the weird Ringfencing Of Festive Joy has started on MN already.

Look, this woman loves your son. She's in his life, and she brings joy to it. It gives her joy to give this gift, and your son joy to receive it.

What is your 'win' here? You get to give him a different box of stuff? Big woop.

Loving and fun people in your kid's life is waaaay more important than 'but I got to give him a box of pointless shit FIRST'."

Can I second,third and probably fourth this?

Disagree. Not rude. What is rude is ignoring a reasonable request not to do something.

You should think yourself and your DS very lucky you have family members that make effort for your child. I personally think it's very petty and ungrateful if you don't accept. make another tradition for yourself to do with him? I bet she absolutely loves making his 1st of December box and your going to upset her for no reason whatsoever, it's got a few things in it for your DS to enjoy, let him.

OP doesn't care about homeless kids that's not what we're talking about.

OP you are being unreasonable selfish and controlling.

And despite what pp said, not one bit of plastic tat in that box

If it was something small I'd say just accept it, but yikes that's excessive coming from anyone. Who needs new Christmas bedding every year?!

Did she text you? If so, you could plead ignorance "oh I'm so sorry Jane, I thought DH had told his dad that I had sorted it this year. Honestly, men! All the pre Christmas gifts from the extended family were a bit much last year and took away from the day itself so we've just done one or two little things ourselves this year. I'm so sorry they didn't pass the message on. Hope all is well with you x"

I also think that allowing others to show love and share festivities with your children brings so much to them and to all those in the family.
Don't shut it down.

Let them bring it over and you do the elf arriving too.

Let them know for next year that you have so much bedding and stuff and to please not do as much.

I’ve never heard of a 1st December Xmas box?! Is this a thing?

Could you ask them to save all the presents in it for Xmas Day instead, as you’ve done your own for 1st Dec this year?

I don't understand why this is such a problem? Can't he have both theirs and yours?
Thins whining over generous in laws is becoming so tedious on MN.

Unless there's about 6 pairs of PJs and 5 new bedding sets I can't see why he can't have both.

When you are a MIL, will you not want to share in the Christmas magic?

Of course it doesn’t “take away the magic you create at home” 🤨
That’s just ridiculous.

She loves your son and wants to show it. You arecthe one who is going to see him enjoy it and presumably see the magic happening on a daily basis.

No fucker gave me any Christmas joy as a child so the more the merrier I'd say. What a thing to start a family rift over.

What a fuss about people doing something nice , just say thank you , let your child be excited about having lovely grandparents and you take him to a light trail or to see FC air something else . Seriously don’t spoil what could be a great relationship with people who obviously care . If you don’t like the bedding use it once , take a a photo and then charity shop it , the same with all the rest of it . We have 2 children and my mum and sister were always doing this kind of thing - Christmas boxes , Easter egg trails . Our eldest was obsessed with fetes at one point and they organised a garden fete and invited friends to come and play with all different stalls and proper prizes . They had a bigger paddling pool than me , they had a mini quad bike ( and a garden big enough to drive it ) , they bought him his first pony . My mum had the best relationship with him and he even moved in with her and lived with her for about 5 years prior to her death because she was closer to work . Children are not spoilt by material things , it’s the way they are raised that decides that and it is you and your husband doing the rearing . Enjoy having people who care about your child .

Btw OP, beware the MN bias against OPs.

Post your own thread listing that as what you've gotten for your own DC for 1 Dec and you'll be flamed for being materialistic and hating the environment.