Gift for 83 year old MIL who wants nothing

[Imatorturedpoet]

I'm finding this very difficult. We only do little gifts, but she is infirm and says there's nothing she wants. Specifically she doesn't want chocolate, blankets, books, plants, smellies, sweets, clothes. She doesn't go out, as she can barely walk and won't use a wheelchair etc. She knits a little, but I bought her a knitting book last year and she hasn't used it once. Otherwise she watches tv.

Any ideas at all? DP has always given her Lindor because she said she likes them, but she now has various boxes unopened.

Only thing I can think of is a bouquet of flowers!

Would she appreciate being treated to lunch or afternoon tea? Garden centres can be nice for a potter around and a look at the Christmas decorations. She might see something that takes her fancy in the gift shop.

My Mum is the same, doesn't eat anything sweet and is very fussy about toiletries. Always tells me not to waste my money on her, so I try to choose practical gifts. This year I've got her a couple of the small wentworth jigsaws as I know she likes them. A Wrendale foldable shopping bag, some pretty William Morris hand creams for her hand bag and a pair of gloves.

If she really doesn’t want anything - IMO quite a few old people don’t - how about a donation on her behalf to the food bank, or buying some items for your local one, and taking a pic of them to show her what you’ve given?

Not that this would have worked with an old aunt of dh, who always insisted that people were only ever poor because they were lazy and feckless!! But thank goodness, I don’t think she was typical!

Lego flowers, nice to make, like a 3d jigsaw, and no upkeep or bother once made.

I'd definitely be going for a charity donation or membership in her name. Have a look at the Wildlife Trusts - you can find her local branch to make it more locally relevant.

Just to add to that - I'm beginning to realise that my older family and friends get quite upset with the waste of an unwanted gift.

My dad is 84 and he loved a photo book I made using scanned family photos from when he was younger. Managed to find loads of black and white photos, pictures of him with his parents, aunts etc when he was in his 20s, posing by his first car etc.

I’ve also bought vouchers for places like Cote at Home so he can have a restaurant meal but at home as he doesn’t like going out in the evening but enjoys nice food.

My nan was an avid reader and birdwatcher so we bought her a pretty bookmark with a little bird on the end and had it engraved.

I think I would just take a look around her bathroom and note which toiletries she uses and buy replacements.
You know she will use them when she runs out even if is only pears soap

I have just bought my 93 year old DM some fingerless gloves from Turtle Doves as she says her hands get cold. I also considered a magazine subscription - her favourite is Yours. Maybe a knitting kit?

As others have said if she doesn't want anything don't get a gift but like you I would feel awful.

Thank you everyone. I've gone with some notelets and envelopes because she writes to friends and then will take a bouquet of flowers, because she commented that she likes fresh flowers. Some great suggestions on the thread, hopefully it'll help others too.

What problems does she have with her feet? How about a session with a mobile chiropodist/podiatrist?

My MIL is a similar age. Her favourite presents in recent years have been: pictures of her dog that are in pride of place in her sitting room (and are far bigger than the pictures of her sons and grandchildren!) and cheese from a nice cheese shop in Bath.

Would she be interested in being connected to the internet? My MIL and her sisters use it a lot - it massively expands TV watching possibilities with Netflix, iplayer etc. MIL plays bridge online, her sister (approaching 90) was adept at making video calls to children/grandchildren living abroad until she got too ill.

A plug in to electric hot cushion. It's so good if you have a bad back.

Has she got a heated throw ?? I know you said she doesn’t want blankets but my elderly mum raves about hers!

I think your time would be a wonderful gift. Or a day to 'do jobs' like helping tidy something or do any DIY. I'm not as old as your Mum bug have more than enough 'stuff'. My ideal gift would be a day of help from a competent DIY-er to put up a couple of nest boxes and a shelf. Or, as previous poster suggested, cover the cost for x weeks of her hairdresser.

My mum loved her Turtle Dove fingerless recycled cashmere gloves as her hands/wrists were always cold but they left her fingers free to do things.

They have a sale on just now.

Set of hand creams from molton brown (knitting gives you dry hands, MB stuff smells great and is v good hand cream)

A photo album of family

A picture frame to hang on the wall with pictures of family in, heavily featuring the kids

Honestly the digital photo frames are amazing, and you can set it to scroll pictures. I've gifted to a technophobe gparent before and it was a success

Hamper of small treats - mini panettone, marmalade, gentlemens relish- whatever she likes

You could hire a wheelchair and take her out somewhere as a treat for her, that way it feels more like it's a one-off rather than saying she needs to have a wheelchair if she doesn't like using one.

I think the dry skin thing may be an opportunity, my in-laws are younger but still really struggle with dry skin, kiehls do a nice hand balm, maybe moisturising gloves, something like that?

Does she like reading magazines or newspapers? If so, this sort of thing might be useful:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/disabled-book-holder-page-turner/s?k=disabled+book+holder+and+page+turner

A magnifying lamp might also be useful for reading small print:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=magnifying+lamp+with+stand&adgrpid=54217696278&hvadid=606036272283&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9046418&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3265428102919391910&hvtargid=kwd-303911477911&hydadcr=8529_2283582&tag=googhydr-21&ref=pd_sl_l9w2ls3jx_e

If she can see outside and enjoys looking at birds, then a pair or lightweight binoculars and some bird feeders outside the window might be an idea.

Ringtons don't only do tea , they also have a hamper that tea & biscuits , but a few others as well .

If she doesn't want anything then respect her wishes. You say you would feel bad but it's not all about you!! No point getting her something she doesn't want. It's just stuff to cluttter up her house!

Stamps too. They are expensive now so I'm sure appreciated.

Does she like a tipple? Small bottle of 'medicinal' brandy.

Does she have a DVD player? Some old movies or musicals, if she's into that, or opera, classical music, is there any sort of entertainment she likes? What did she do or like when she was younger?

Voucher for mobile therapist a manicure, pedicure etc?

Cashmere socks?

Might be a it slippy actually. Something nice and soft anyway