If you have adult children living at home, how do you do Christmas?

[scoopoftheday]

Hi,

Just as the title says really 😊

I've two adult children who still live at home, one is 23 and one will be 20 in the weeks after Christmas.

Up until now we've always done what we did when they were little, laid gifts (unwrapped) on the sofa for them to get up to on Christmas morning and they've always had lots of gifts.

This year I have told them I'm wrapping their gifts and they're going under the tree.

I'd like a different kind of Christmas now they're grown up but the eldest (dd) isn't happy about it... she's always been a "Christmas is magic" sort and even though she is sensible and mature in other ways, she is adamant she wants gifts unwrapped on the sofa on Christmas morning for as long as she lives at home...

I have sisters who still do this for their adult children (it's how we did Christmas growing up too but I left home at 19)

I'm interested in how other people do it and how I can change how things are done here.

Thanks in advance 😊

I don’t think you can change it if my family are anything to go on. My DC’s are 27 and 30; both live away from home but want to come back and have everything exactly the same as their childhood.
Why do you want to change things; is it because of money/time/you are bored with how things are done?

My dd is 25, she is living here between doing her Master's and whatever her next step is.

We shall do Xmas in exactly the same way we always have, stockings, food (-mas Lunch on oxing Day for instance, champagne and scrambled egg for breakfast on Xmas Day), present giving, tree, the lot. DD has brought a boyfriend with her one year - his family was out of the country, he was unable to join them, he was Muslim and had never experienced a British Xmas, so we showed him what it was like. He had great fun decorating the tree, threw himself in toour family life and was an utter delight, enhanced our Xmas no end. We still miss him. He and dd split up some years later.

Just do what you do. DD doesn't feel babied byit, it's a source of stability for all of us and gives us great pleasure.

Why do you want to change it? If it's just for the sake of it, then I would say don't. If you have a good reason, what is it?

We always did Christmas presents in two batches as kids - parents and Father Christmas in sacks (aka pillow cases) first thing, then other presents went under the tree to be opened after lunch.

That morphed to all presents under the tree and opened after lunch. Now we don't live at home we still do after lunch but roughly taking turns.

(My brother could never wait til after lunch so we had to do one present in the morning to tide him over 😂)

Mine are a bit younger and we still do things pretty well the same as we always have done, any changes tend to be led or nudged by them, I wouldn’t make big changes unless they are happy with them. Stockings on beds or doorknobs (their choice, one does bed one does door, we always did on beds when they were young). Then all the presents to each other are arranged in the living room around the hearth the night before, we used to do it after they had gone to bed but do it all together now. We don’t have enough space for them all to go under the tree.

Thanks all.

What you're saying makes sense.

I think for me it's because they're both working now and buy themselves pretty much what they want.

So Christmas means there won't be as much as they've always had and I wonder if a few wrapped gifts might look better than a full sofa with a few items on it? 🙈

I think I'll have to rethink it after all!.

It’s fine to change things. I stopped stockings when the youngest got to 18. There was some whinging which I ignored. The number and type of gifts also evolve over the years so that now it’s more like equal adults exchanging gifts rather than parents giving, children receiving.

Surely wrapped presents are much more magical?! I agree, as you've bought less it'll be a different experience, I'd put my foot down tbh! Your house.

Sorry…’unwrapped’? I thought the whole point of presents is that they’re wrapped? Otherwise they're just things? (Shakes head in bafflement)

Anyhoo. Yes I agree with the others, we still do a weird recreation of their childhood Christmas including stockings. The only thing we’ve ditched is the mince pie left out for Santa! Only recently though… 🤦🏻‍♀️ it was a step too far when my youngest is 21!

I've never heard of people giving their children unwrapped presents.

YANBU to want fewer presents wrapped under the tree. My dc are 21 and 18. I'm just do what I've always done. Wrapped presents, different wrapping paper for each child, in a pile near the tree. I'm finding that their roll of paper lasts a few years now though now they get less presents.

I find the idea of unwrapped presents strange, surely the point is the surprise of them being wrapped? Unless DC have additional needs where unwrapping is difficult etc even then I'd use a gift bag.

I live up the road from my parents so we still spend Christmas together.

We don't do stockings for adults but play the present swap game after dinner. DD opens her stocking at home. We get washed and dressed and go to my parents.

Bacon rolls and Bucks fizz at around 11.

In to living room to open presents, presents from outside family and friends are under the tree from when they are received and immediate family ones get put down in the morning. The youngest person is the distributor of gifts and we take it in turns to open as we always have. Every year my mum says she's cutting back but she never does. It did at one stage basically became the big 'Amazon gift voucher exchange' and I don't love that as I like putting thought into the present.

After presents are opened, mooch around help with dinner, setting up / playing / reading whatever was received.

Dinner

Then Card swap game and a board game with chocolates and snacks and home for Christmas TV.

Swap game
Each person buys and wraps 5 small universal gifts (£25 total) each and the presents are put in a pile in the middle of the table.
1 set of playing cards shared amongst all players.
Game master takes a second pack of cards and calls it out, if that's your card you take a present from the pile / steal from someone else's pile.
Go through the card pack twice - it gets quite competitive especially if presents are an interesting shape.
End of game - open presents, there might be a bit of swapping but it's fun.

My son is 20. We go out somewhere on Christmas Eve, maybe for breakfast, a play, this year a lights trail. We still put out the mince pie and drink. He humours me. We still have a Christmas Eve bag with new Pj's, selection box and will switch out the more childish things for a bottle of cider this year.
We still open stocking on my bed, except now I get a cup of tea and it's a more civilised hour. I freeze raspberries from my allotment so we can have fresh smoothies.
The rest of the day is how we feel, breakfast, phone family, open presents, go for a walk, dinner is flexible- any time between 4 and 8. Might watch a movie, eat chocolate, share a drink, neither of us big drinkers.

So as tiny children they came down to 'unwrapped presents'????
I've never heard of that.
Tearing all the paper off added to the fun
We used to open presents after breakfast.
As adult the enthusiasm waned , so now we do it after our lovely Christmas lunch with a glass of wine.

Unwrapped presents does not seem magical to me but it does sound a lot easier if that’s what they want 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unwrapped presents? How strange!
Part of the magic of Christmas is the unwrapping of gifts, surely?

I get you.

I think I got to a stage where I thought, look we're all adults, so let's do what the adults do. I've been doing this Santa stuff for - well forever. Time for a break now and a bit of equality! That was the last year of stockings too. I'm not waiting for them to go to bed (way after me) and then creeping around the house to fill them. I'm the one who's in bed early exhausted from Christmas granny wrangling and then up early to peel the potatoes. Someone can fill my bloody stocking for once.

Everyone can contribute to making Christmas magical. Why is the onus on you? Time for the Christmas you would like.

Unwrapped? WTAF

IMO it's bizarre to have unwrapped stuff on the sofa, but since that's what you've always done, I can't see why you'd change it really. I can see why the adult kids would want it to stay as it was.

I’m interested in how much others spend on adult children. I am finding Xmas more and more stressful as it’s all on me to give everyone a magical time. I have run out of ideas for presents and resent spending hundreds of pounds when invariably my presents aren’t given much thought! What is a reasonable amount and how many presents? They have all left home but are all struggling financially.

Yes, I don't know if it's an Irish thing or not? But its always been that all the items are left on the armchairs and sofas unwrapped so they see straight away what they've been left.

They always got gifts from us on Christmas eve wrapped. New pjs, a book, bubble bath and a selection box (this is still what they get/want) except ds doesn't wear PJs so he gets a tshirt or something.

@TheMoonismadeofcheese money wise it depends.

Last year for example ds got a brand of jeans at £110, boots he wears for a hobby at £80, a big bottle of whiskey, Aftershave at about £40, a few branded t-shirts (eg: superdry) and they're about £30 each or more depending on the style you go for plus little bits like boxers, shorts, sweets.

Dd got trainers, concert tickets, jewellery, perfume, bottle of gin, vouchers for ASOS as I couldn't pick clothes for her.

Ds has already said this year he wants another pair of jeans, dd wants new trainers (even though they're both working and can easily buy these themselves)

Ah I dunno, I was reading all your replies out to dd and she was glad to see lots of people say why change it if it's not broken.

She said it doesn't matter if it's 3 gifts or 30 gifts, it's about tradition and not gifts. So it was good to have a chat about it.

I'm Irish and always had presents on the sofa, but wrapped normally. You're right that my "santa" presents were never under the tree 😂. Never realised that was unusual till now!

Christmas is not all on you @TheMoonismadeofcheese put in some new ground rules now. One child is responsible for dessert, one the veg, one the drinks etc or they bring one dessert/drink/veg side with them so the cost is spread evenly.

Christmas gifts do not have to be expensive, they should be meaningful. Instead of an ££ Amazon gift card I'd much rather a new book, box of chocolates and a mini bottle of wine as a little bundle andit cost less than half the price.

With adult DC I'd also find out what part of Christmas is important to them and get rid of stuff they don't. Care too much about. We've moved to a pre decorated pop-up tree - takes 30 seconds to put up and then a small box of sentimental decorations added.

I'm fascinated to hear of another family who lay unwrapped presents on the sofa, because this is what my husband's family did growing up! I've never come across it before and always just assumed it was one of their quirks but maybe it's an actual traditional 'thing'???

My dc are in their early 20s but still want stockings!! dd still leaves a carrot and glass of Baileys out for Santa and Rudolph!
Presents are wrapped and in piles either side of the fire with family and friends gifts under the tree. We still get up earlyish (not as early as when they were small but not lunchtime as is normal on a day off!!) open all presents before breakfast then dinner at 5 like we always have. My parents will come round about 2 and DC sometimes go back to bed or will mooch around in PJs watching tv or whatever. Washed and dressed before grandma arrives though!! 😂
Present piles are much smaller and I have no idea what to get DS this year. DD I could buy for 100 times over but he doesn't really want anything!

When we’ve stayed at my parents for Xmas my mum has done me a stocking. I’m nearly 50.