I've given myself the best Christmas Present - the word NO

[Iudncuewbccgrcb]

Christmas Cards - No. To all of them.

Hosting DHs family on boxing day as normal -No

Hosting them again on new years day as normal - No

No to - Buying presents for pretty much everyone except our own children and a couple of very close nieces and nephews. No adults on my side have been bought a present (by mutual agreement - we are swapping 'individual time with each other' later in the year instead).

I've refused to enter into any discussions about presents for DH side of the family. NO NO NO. I can hear him swearing at the printer so I assume it's vouchers all round. Not my problem.

We are being hosted for Christmas Dinner this year and I've expressed immense gratitude and bunged some expensive plonk in the online shop for few weeks ago to give as a gift.

For the first time ever I've had time to just enjoy the week before Christmas with my children. We have baked, watched Christmas films guilt free, just generally chilled out and not cared about having the house clean for endless expected guests. I've not been the absolute monster I usually am trying to get them to keep things tidy in between DOING.ALL.THE.CHRISTMAS.SHIT

I've been Fun Mum for once.

DHs family think i'm the grinch in witches clothing but I genuinely just don't care. He surprisingly is being very supportive of my decision to down tools.

I think this is the closest I've ever experienced what it must feel like to be a man. No wonder they have time for hobbies and Fun Dadness if they feel this free to avoid the shit work all the time.

This is how I am doing Christmas, OP. Minimally, with fun bits. It's going great.

Well done you 😊

I am so looking forward to seeing what the kids are getting for Christmas. Dh has done it all, even all the stocking presents. Wrapped them too. Exciting! 😁

Guests are bringing starters and desserts but I will do the main (with dh). Fair's fair and all that.

Yes op - crack on. Not feeling like a servant is good, isn't it?

I'm going out for lunch tomorrow and as a family we agreed on no presents. It's been so nice, no stress. Definitely the way forward. Merry Christmas all

She’s actually being extremely generous in allowing other people in her family to experience that beautiful feeling of giving for a change. It would be mean and selfish of her to hog it, given that it’s such a wonderful thing, wouldn’t it?

While it’s

good to learn to say “no” the things you almost automatically feel compelled or obligated to say “yes” to I also thinks it’s

good to learn to say “yes” the things you almost instinctively say “no” to
i.e. it’s good to introduce a bit of randomness and uncertainly into your life so go to that party or make that trip out somewhere new when you don’t really feel like making the effort.

I've cut back a lot this year. Dh SIL and I limited our gift buying to £20 each, to keep costs down, so that made things simpler. My siblings and I agreed a few years ago not to buy for each other, just the kids. And dsis organised a joint gift for my parents this year, which was lovely of her.

I've done cards for the neighbours in the street but no-one else. The kids did their own cards for friends, or didn't, as they saw fit. I didn't bother with a lot of the time consuming extras I have done in previous years (hamper for the nursery staff, donations to the school christmas fair, attending said Christmas fair, etc etc). Also I have asked for and accepted help from dh and SIL (who is staying with us until New Year), and now it's christmas eve and the kids are watching cartoons, and I am knitting and browsing mumsnet, with nothing left to do.

I have some residual guilt from things I have not done, but tbh the feeling of sitting and relaxing, actually enjoying time with the kids outweighs the guilt significantly.

Good for you. I’m not cooking anything today, it’ll be interesting to see if anyone does anything, probably won’t

Isn't the issue that your DH isn't doing more to help? DH wrote cards, buys his own presents and does the cooking on the day.

There's always one, isn't there?!

I daresay the OP could have done Christmas at home.

Good for you @Iudncuewbccgrcb. I said no to most of these things years ago but I've still come to hate Christmas!

How extraordinarily narrow-minded.

It's ridiculous, all the giving to receive that goes on. Far easier and better to just cut it out.

Well more fool millions of you.

I love this.

I think back to all the christmasses of my childhood where my mum would be crying, threatening to kill herself, not speaking to anyone, or raging about how shit everything is for her, all while she did a million and one things to make it a "perfect" day. It would have been really special to have just had fun with her. To have even one christmas that she didn't ruin by being a martyr.

I think it's great to say no to all the expectations and just do the things that make you and your immediate family happy.

Have a fantastic time!

Good for you op! I have done Christmas this way for years. No regrets. Dh never expected me to get his family's gifts. I do mine, he does his. We only host one relative because she's single and would otherwise be on her own. It's great!

Omg was your mum my mum? Wtf? I didn't know this was a common thing - madness.

I work for grinches who only give me Christmas Day off work.
As a result Christmas day is basic- dd puts pizza in the oven for dinner, tea is snacky crap I'm in bed for 9pm.
Dh cooks Christmas dinner the nearest Sunday, so he'll crack on with that later.
We hosted every year till my dad died, now my brother comes to visit early Dec and we go out for dinner.
Dh buys for his family, I buy for mine, we both buy for dd.

Highly recommend lowering expectations.

You sound amazing

I'm working on this xxxxx

Absolutely great decisions. It sounds like you have found the secret to magical Christmases from now on. I think that's exactly what it's like to be a typical man - no hosting stresses, nor emotional/organisational burdens. I'm winding down year on year as my family dwindles and it's very liberating.

I started this few years ago. Dh sorts his side of the family and I do mine, apart from the sd's, as I put together little boxes of make up and skincare for them. That's a joy for me so I won't stop yet.

No more hosting after a nightmare one year when 3 sc turned up with partners and they're all vegan. I really struggled and I was working shifts right through. The last straw was the noise until 3am when I was on an early (7am) on Xmas day. I had a major hissy fit and just stopped. DH goes and visits after Xmas now.

This year DH did the tree and I ordered food from Cook. In goblin mode this year

To those of you that think you're better than OP for doing it all

I’m sure that could have been solved with a quick call to the local open takeaway 😁

Love this 😃 well done OP!

This was my mum too!

Love your approach, OP
Have a great break

You are an inspiration, love it. Enjoy!