I've given myself the best Christmas Present - the word NO

[Iudncuewbccgrcb]

Christmas Cards - No. To all of them.

Hosting DHs family on boxing day as normal -No

Hosting them again on new years day as normal - No

No to - Buying presents for pretty much everyone except our own children and a couple of very close nieces and nephews. No adults on my side have been bought a present (by mutual agreement - we are swapping 'individual time with each other' later in the year instead).

I've refused to enter into any discussions about presents for DH side of the family. NO NO NO. I can hear him swearing at the printer so I assume it's vouchers all round. Not my problem.

We are being hosted for Christmas Dinner this year and I've expressed immense gratitude and bunged some expensive plonk in the online shop for few weeks ago to give as a gift.

For the first time ever I've had time to just enjoy the week before Christmas with my children. We have baked, watched Christmas films guilt free, just generally chilled out and not cared about having the house clean for endless expected guests. I've not been the absolute monster I usually am trying to get them to keep things tidy in between DOING.ALL.THE.CHRISTMAS.SHIT

I've been Fun Mum for once.

DHs family think i'm the grinch in witches clothing but I genuinely just don't care. He surprisingly is being very supportive of my decision to down tools.

I think this is the closest I've ever experienced what it must feel like to be a man. No wonder they have time for hobbies and Fun Dadness if they feel this free to avoid the shit work all the time.

Well done you. I have an amazing mother who taught me the joy of boundaries so never took on the in law wife work when married.

The sad thing is the reaction of other women lamenting your choice. It is sad to hear such martyrdom heading into 2024.

My new year's wish is women will realise they have a right to equal down time and enjoyment of life.

Yes! Please yourself for once.

Great job, I’m doing similar, as well as no cards, very few presents , we are not having guests or going anywhere. We will be a family of 4 at home. Will be a huge relief

Good for you OP.

After yet another Christmas where I did all the work and spent it being moaned at, I downed tools from all but what I wanted to do. So this is the seventh Christmas where I haven't sent cards to his family, considered what they might like (although MIL has early January birthday, and I sort that out happily), shared Christmas with two, large untrained dogs or generally given a shit about any of it.

Dh had his annual self-indulgent 'I can't get it together at Christmas, I haven't sent any cards again' moan this morning, so I went out.

Do appreciate how hard to organise it must be though, given that you just never know when Christmas will be year to year.🤔

You've said no a lot. But you've said yes to your children, yourself, to a happy healthy family.

I realised a long time ago that many of the issues were solved by a simple question, "would a man do this?" Bake sale? No. Volunteering in the classroom when it impacted paid employment? No. Go to the nativity? Yes. And so on. School was much better when I realised it.

🙌🙌🙌

Good for you OP! Hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family - making memories and doing things your way🎄🎄.

Erm, what?

Are you the mother in law?🤔

For anyone else reading this thinking 'but I just couldn't do this, such and such will be so upset'

yeah well, they might be. Why are their feelings and well-being more important than yours though?

I've been quite lighthearted on this thread but I've been pushed to the brink through the expectations of others over the last 10years or so. I've run myself into the ground trying to do the right thing and this year I've just not done it.

Nothing bad has happened so far as a result

[except a few grumbles (yes from MIL)]

Well done OP.

More people need to say no to all this shit.

Quite right, @Iudncuewbccgrcb . If someone's going to be unhappy, make sure it isn't you!

I'm having the same NO Christmas as you, and have done almost all the same things, and it's amazing what a difference it's made so far, I'm "nice" mum and wife rather than a complete ball of stress, I may never go back!

You are a complete star!!
Have the happy time you deserve.

Loving your work! No is a great gift. What is everyone’s obsession with you hosting all the time?

For sure!

I've done this too and it's amazing! The realisation that no one is going to love me less or think less of me or enjoy Xmas any less because I didn't create the perfect meal and send Xmas cards or gift loads of presents. As women we overestimate how much our effort is valued or even needed. It's a family holiday - about spending time together, eating and drinking ANYTHING and an excuse to veg out at home and reset before the new year. It doesn't have to be this big production unless of course the host genuinely loves it. Well done OP, merry Christmas!

Following a journey down our stairs crutches have altered our Christmas.... No weeks of cleaning and manic shopping. Christmas won't be a disaster and I might have chance to actually enjoy it for a change.

Another lovely day so far. Fire is on, children are watching Sing 2 for the millionth time and everything is very calm.

I must admit I'm feeling slightly at a loose end today. Its a nice feeling though. One I haven't experienced for a looong time.

We would usually be out late afternoon on Christmas Eve as well for another get together/meal out. I'd usually be sitting there at 5/6pm getting stressed thinking how much there was still to do for tomorrow, how the children are going to be too overtired by the time we get home to properly enjoy putting stockings and mince pies out, or even worse that they would probably fall asleep in the car on the way home.

I actually mooted not doing it this year in early January and most people agreed it wasn't working any more - it was a tradition started pre-children. Given no one has mentioned organising anything for it this year it seems its probably now a thing of the past, at least until children are out of the father Christmas years anyway!

Good for you, OP. Enjoy your 'Man's Christmas'.

I realised a few days ago that apart from a Christmas Day lunch at a restaurant once, I've always cooked. Never been invited to anyone's house. I'm nearly 60.

I'm thinking next year I'll go out for lunch on Christmas day ...

Well Done OP! Here's to a breezy and easy Christmas.

I truly resisted the urge to invite ExH round like I did last year out of guilt and wanting DS to have both parents on the day. I cooked, cleaned, hosted and mainly ignored. Christmas Dinner with a side of resentment. No thanks. Sent me near off into a depression. Tomorrow it will just be me and DS, with my DM and DF.

Well done! You’ve done the right thing. The only tragedy is that so many women don’t do this or don’t think it’s an option. I’ve never hosted a Christmas in my life, nor has it ever occurred to me to organise and buy the presents for my partner’s family. Baffles me that so many women don’t think they deserve to please themselves.

This is amazing! Well done, OP! Hope you have a wonderful and relaxing Christmas.

I decided I couldn’t be bothered to put the Christmas decorations up this year, and of course as a result, they haven’t gone up at all.

Maybe next year you should organise a strike for other fed up ladies - I’ll happily join
X

Well done OP! Merry Christmas! Long may it continue.

Hilarious that there are a smattering of outraged posters who are offended by a woman refusing to be a martyr.