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Original poster

One child get more than the other child

58 replies

Sammylou99 · 05/12/2023 20:27

So me and my partner have not been getting on the last couple of days due to the fact that I think that his parents are being unfair with the kids Christmas present/money this year. Me and my partner have 1 little boy together he is 1 and i have another son who is 6. So Christmas they want to give the 1 year old 100 pound for Christmas and only give my nearly 6 year old between 10 and 20 and I have said that that is not fair to my partner they get them the same 10 to 20 pounds each (am not excepting 100 each) or they get nothing from them. I have already bit my tongue this year as when it was my sons 5 birthday he got nothing not even a happy birthday but then when it was my other sons 1st birthday he got give 100 pound I just dont like the way they are treating my kids differently and my son is starting to ask why his brother is getting this and that and i am not!
I have said this to my partner of 3 years and he said that I should be grateful that his parents are getting both something wheather it be one getting more then the other. He is now saying that I am being ungrateful can I have people's opinions please

OP posts:
Greycottage · 05/12/2023 20:29

How long have your partners parents known your son for?

He isn’t their grandchild, to be fair. They are buying him something at least.

Doesn’t your son have grandparents on his father’s side?

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 05/12/2023 20:31

YABVU. He isnt their grandson. You’re not even their daughter-in-law.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/12/2023 20:35

Your ds1 is not their grandchild. Sorry - it's kind for them to give something token but that's all that's needed.

Does your oldest ds have a dad in his life? If so then surely he'd get extra gifts from that side of the family that your second child won't?

If not you'll just have to explain that they're baby's grandparents not yours. And ask that they are subtle about it eg a cheque into baby's bank account, don't tell your older child how much baby is getting.

MissDollyMix · 05/12/2023 20:35

Sorry but he’s not their grandson, they don’t need to get him an equal present- assume your 6 year old has other grandparents too? I can see it must be hard as a mum because you love both your DC equally and want to protect your eldest but I don’t think your partners parents need to get the children equal presents.

Alohapotato · 05/12/2023 20:36

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 05/12/2023 20:31

YABVU. He isnt their grandson. You’re not even their daughter-in-law.

How is she not their daughter inaw when she is living with their son and they have a baby in common?

Honeychickpea · 05/12/2023 20:37

I would expect your parents to treat both children the same, as both are their grandchildren. I would not have the same expectation of your partner's parents.

Do the paternal grandparents of your older child treat both the same?

PosteriorPosterity · 05/12/2023 20:38

Alohapotato · 05/12/2023 20:36

How is she not their daughter inaw when she is living with their son and they have a baby in common?

Show quote history

Because there is only legal and “in-law” status if they’re married.

Hermittrismegistus · 05/12/2023 20:38

There is always a risk that step parents or step grandparents won't treat a child as their own.

You'll just have to bring your son up to know that those people are not related to him and so yes, he will be treated differently some times.

NuffSaidSam · 05/12/2023 20:40

Your older son isn't their grandson, the little one is.

It's just one of those things when you have kids with different parents.

I'd explain this to your six year old in an age appropriate way.

I'd also ask them to put the money into the baby's bank account or buy a gift so that it isn't so obvious. I agree with you that handing over £100 cash to one child and £10 to the other is odd, but I think giving cash to small children is odd anyway tbh!

MamaBear2210T · 05/12/2023 20:40

They're not his grandparents. You can't expect to them to treat him as such

chopc · 05/12/2023 20:41

Many say your DS is not their grandchild. However your partner is their step father and therefore he is a part of the family , no?

BellaAndDave · 05/12/2023 20:41

Greycottage · 05/12/2023 20:29

How long have your partners parents known your son for?

He isn’t their grandchild, to be fair. They are buying him something at least.

Doesn’t your son have grandparents on his father’s side?

I was just going to ask if your son has grandparents on his fathers side too.

Tomelette · 05/12/2023 20:43

Honeychickpea · 05/12/2023 20:37

I would expect your parents to treat both children the same, as both are their grandchildren. I would not have the same expectation of your partner's parents.

Do the paternal grandparents of your older child treat both the same?

This.

Whinge · 05/12/2023 20:44

Honeychickpea · 05/12/2023 20:37

I would expect your parents to treat both children the same, as both are their grandchildren. I would not have the same expectation of your partner's parents.

Do the paternal grandparents of your older child treat both the same?

I agree with this and it will be interesting to see the OPs reply.

Schooldinner2 · 05/12/2023 20:47

Just put it in a savings account.
Maybe balance out eldests account with money from you and dp.
Realistically though if you split the dp wont see the eldest again. Nor will the steo grandparents.
My inlaws do give a lot to their step gc. But i note the gmil does not talk as if that child is a ggc to them.

Time4the · 05/12/2023 20:55

Why don’t you just tell your older DC the truth: that they are not his GP, but they like him and care for him which is why they have given him a gift. Explain who his GPs are.

GetYourShitTogether · 05/12/2023 21:18

I would hope both treated equally.

3 years together, so known son half of life and he is their biological grandsons brother.

I'm very lucky that I was treated the same nearly 40 years ago, and that resulted in great relationships with non biological grandparents and a very secure and happy upbringing for me.
I suppose this meant when care was needed as they got older, I was always there to support and provide, even though “not a grandchild” actually more so consistently that those who were blood related.

my sibling has sprung (I say sprung as its bloody late for me to be sorting changes of presents, when I was so organised)😂 2 additions to the family.
so children don’t feel left out I’m juggling presents etc, I have met them once now, they are together on Christmas Day and will receive equal, why would I want a child to feel shit at a special time, or anytime.
especially in situations that are not in anyway of their making, they haven’t chosen any of these situations.
If that meant a reduction in spending on biological relations that’s the choice I would make.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 05/12/2023 21:19

Alohapotato · 05/12/2023 20:36

How is she not their daughter inaw when she is living with their son and they have a baby in common?

Show quote history

Because living with someone doesn't make their parents your in-laws.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 05/12/2023 21:21

chopc · 05/12/2023 20:41

Many say your DS is not their grandchild. However your partner is their step father and therefore he is a part of the family , no?

No he isn't the step-father. He is the man the mother is living with.

This thread is why so many women get screwed over. Time and time again.

chopc · 05/12/2023 21:23

Honeychickpea
I would expect your parents to treat both children the same, as both are their grandchildren. I would not have the same expectation of your partner's parents.

Do the paternal grandparents of your older child treat both the same?

No. But if their son is now in a new relationship with someone with a child, I would expect them to treat both that child and DS1 the same.

Do you understand the difference? OP's partner is step dad to DS1 which means DS1 is their step grandchild

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2023 21:23

I learned the very hard way. I treated one little girl in the family as family. I loved her, just as much as her siblings, same presents, more support because we got on so well.

There was a separation... and from that second, there was no contact at all. None. I tried.

So do I think family members should treat non-related, not even by marriage, children as family the same as blood? I wouldn't do it again I'm afraid.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 05/12/2023 21:25

@chopc Saying it twice doesnt make it true. He is not the step-father. He is mum’s boyfriend.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2023 21:27

OP's partner is step dad to DS1 which means DS1 is their step grandchild

When does this kick in? One date, two dates, six months, living together? Marriage is the 'law' part of 'in-law'.

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 05/12/2023 21:29

I agree they’re not ‘in-laws’.

You have a history of breaking up with the father of your children, and you’ve made no legal commitment to this one. They might be making a call on how long you (and your older son) will be around.

Fuckmyliferightnow · 05/12/2023 21:35

You'd have got a very different response if you posted this in Relationships.

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