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Original poster

One child get more than the other child

58 replies

Sammylou99 · 05/12/2023 20:27

So me and my partner have not been getting on the last couple of days due to the fact that I think that his parents are being unfair with the kids Christmas present/money this year. Me and my partner have 1 little boy together he is 1 and i have another son who is 6. So Christmas they want to give the 1 year old 100 pound for Christmas and only give my nearly 6 year old between 10 and 20 and I have said that that is not fair to my partner they get them the same 10 to 20 pounds each (am not excepting 100 each) or they get nothing from them. I have already bit my tongue this year as when it was my sons 5 birthday he got nothing not even a happy birthday but then when it was my other sons 1st birthday he got give 100 pound I just dont like the way they are treating my kids differently and my son is starting to ask why his brother is getting this and that and i am not!
I have said this to my partner of 3 years and he said that I should be grateful that his parents are getting both something wheather it be one getting more then the other. He is now saying that I am being ungrateful can I have people's opinions please

OP posts:
psuedocream3 · 06/12/2023 09:11

It is nice when grandparents treat step siblings the same, but it's not always the way. It also goes the other way when the step child gets double the amount of presents due to having two sets of parents/another set of grandparents and the other misses out - I'm not saying this is the case here. I think children notice the injustice of it though, and it can make them feel less loved or feel not a valid member of the family in some ways, or create jealousy.

I think if they want to give their grandchild extra, perhaps they should do savings bonds that the child can access when they are 18 for the extra spend, and keep things even in the meantime.

Hereforthedramaz · 06/12/2023 09:47

ChristmasModeActivated · 06/12/2023 06:53

This thread is so sad to read; people’s attitudes towards step children is one of the reasons I will never blend my family.

I was a step child with a younger sibling and a larger age gap. It was shit. My own DF was not in the picture so as a young child I was desperate to be accepted by my sibling’s family. They were nice enough but it was painfully obvious I was the step child and it affected me greatly.

Grown adults wilfully treating children from the same family so differently because they’re not ‘blood’ is so sad . I’ve seen first hand the disagreements and friction caused over Christmas , birthdays etc. We are talking about children, with feelings and real self esteem issues at risk over £50!

We have step DC in our extended family and I am the only one to ensure they get the same value of gifts every year.

Couldn't agree more, it makes me so sad.

I was the son years ago and I'm so pleased that the wider families (multiply re-marrying) all treated the kids equally.

I really struggle with the premise that blood relatives are the only ones that matter.

caringcarer · 06/12/2023 10:25

Your son is so little to be treated differently by your partner's parents. I love my MiL because she always treated my DC from my first marriage equal to her own GC. The same value gifts, she invited them for a week every summer because she lived by the seaside. She has some annoying habits but I can always overlook those because she loves my DC. My boys are grown up now but have a very strong bond with my MiL. They drive 160 miles twice a year each to visit her, buy her flowers and will take her for a cream tea. She sees them more frequently than 2 of her GC and I know she has left them equal amounts of money in her will as her GC will inherit. I would look your partner's parents in the eye and tell them when your son sees his younger sibling getting treated better than him he doesn't understand why he is treated lesser, and it's unfair to treat the siblings differently and you don't like it. I'd ask if both boys could be given £10 each. If they refuse I'd tell them you will no longer accept expensive gifts for younger DC.

housethatbuiltme · 06/12/2023 10:44

Do your other kids grandparents/family buy equally the same for both?

Vettrianofan · 06/12/2023 10:47

This can also happen in families where all children have the same Dad and grandparents still don't treat all their DGC the same 🤷🏻

Because my eldest is a teenager, apparently he deserves more money than the younger ones 🤦🏻 DH had to say something as it isn't fair.

I can sympathise with OP. Children should not be treated differently especially in an obvious way like handing out money with a very obvious difference between them.

Howmuchtohireahitman · 06/12/2023 10:59

Technically they're not his GPs but personally I find this behaviour quite sad. I have a DSD who is 5 and my parents treat her the same as my nephew's. They even suggested that she call them gran and granda so she doesn't feel different from the boys. We are married though so perhaps his parents are just wary that if you two ever split they likely wouldn't see your son so don't want to become too attached.

I think you just need to be honest with your DS and explain that he has different GPs who will treat him and not his brother (if this is the case). Is his dad's family still on the scene?

Honeychickpea · 06/12/2023 11:24

caringcarer · 06/12/2023 10:25

Your son is so little to be treated differently by your partner's parents. I love my MiL because she always treated my DC from my first marriage equal to her own GC. The same value gifts, she invited them for a week every summer because she lived by the seaside. She has some annoying habits but I can always overlook those because she loves my DC. My boys are grown up now but have a very strong bond with my MiL. They drive 160 miles twice a year each to visit her, buy her flowers and will take her for a cream tea. She sees them more frequently than 2 of her GC and I know she has left them equal amounts of money in her will as her GC will inherit. I would look your partner's parents in the eye and tell them when your son sees his younger sibling getting treated better than him he doesn't understand why he is treated lesser, and it's unfair to treat the siblings differently and you don't like it. I'd ask if both boys could be given £10 each. If they refuse I'd tell them you will no longer accept expensive gifts for younger DC.

The father of OP'S younger child may feel that he gets a say in the matter rather than it being her unilateral decision.

GreatGateauxsby · 06/12/2023 12:00

Yabu.

its that simple.
do not force this and don’t dictate.
your son is not their grandchild. A £10-20 gift is nice and sufficient

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