What would you put in a box of Christmas Cheer?

[DifficultBloodyWoman]

I have a relative who is a bit of a Grinch. Despite having children, in previous years, she either hasn’t bothered to put up a tree or does it on Christmas Eve. There are no special traditions or special food etc. The day is spent mostly on iPads and in bed. The kids split Christmas between her and their Dad.

I want to send a box of Christmas goodies to get them in the spirit of Christmas. The kids are 7, 10, and 13.

So far:
santa hats
a tree to stick on the wall
crackers
a book of Christmas themed stories
Christmassy chocolate and sweets

What would you suggest? (The box has to be posted and I want everything to arrive at the same time so I’m not going to order things to be delivered directly to them).

What a fantastic idea! The 13 year old would absolutely love to do this for his little sister. Thank you.

And advent calendars are definitely on the list now.

She’s not trying to change her sister’s Christmas for her. She’s not doing anything for her sister. She’s simply trying to bring some excitement and anticipation back to three children who live in a home where Christmas used to be a big thing before their dad left.

If the DC had grown up in a house where Christmas wasn’t celebrated at all, or acknowledged in a very small or quiet way, then that would be one thing. But the OP says that her sister used to ‘do’ Christmas. How is a 7yr old supposed to understand why everything just stopped? It’s utterly shit for the children.

How about some microwave popcorn (light & small) and a list/ times of Christmas movies you think they might like over the month?

I've seen them in various supermarkets in the past, confess to not having noticed any this year.
Googled as I now fancy some too, looks like available from:
Aldi
Sainsbury's
Waitrose

If you can afford Christmas jumpers that'd keep them from feeling left out at parties, Christmas jumper day at school etc.

There are loads of Christmas crafts you can do with just paper/scissors/glue, so you could print out some instructions from pinterest, and maybe include coloured paper and glitter or ribbons.

Would their mum do something simple with them with encouragement from you, or are the children limited to what they can do by themselves? Does their dad do anything with them?

Oh, and get them a cheap multipack of cards, all their friends will be exchanging them at school.

If you do get Christmas jumpers, H&M are doing 20% off at the moment and so you can get some for about £7 each.

Chocolate and stocking filler type things, particularly if you think santa isn't coming.

I would not send a tree to stick on the wall. That is very irritating to someone who hates christmas.

But I agree, I would tread carefully. Her family has broken up, probably against her wishes and despite her best efforts in years gone by with christmas.

Oh and send something she'd like as well as the kids. She is obviously having a horrible time.

Paper chain kit. Fun to make and enjoy.

Dunelm do very cute mini battery powered fairy lights: candy canes, snowmen and snowflakes for £2.50 Here.

Also my teens still love bringing out their Christmas milk bottles each year. Maybe something like this?

I love Xmas as did my mam... my step dad despised it and would actively ban any joy (turns out his dad, who worked away most of the year came back for xmas was abusive apparently).

However saying that I would not now or then appreciate a santa hat etc... thats just basically tat. Xmas isn't about making sure Santa is printed on everything and everything is hyper themed.

The problem is there isn't really much you can send as its more the 'atmosphere' of being on egg shells that ruins in more than oh we didn't get a paper crown and bad joke at dinner.

Possible suggestions though but Im not sure how you would gift it without it being awkward... I use to have one of those little xmas trees in my bedroom (maybe 2 foot tall) since he hated us having one downstairs.

Chocolates are ok and maybe do your gifts in a stocking (if thats not stepping on toes) and I suppose crackers are ok but it feels an odd thing to 'gift'.

I honestly wouldn't bother with Christmas books and Santa hats though especially not for pre-teen-ish age kids.

I imagine xmas movie would irritate a Xmas disliker (as I said I love Xmas but haven't enjoyed the twee films since I was about 6, I remember being utterly baffled at my friends dragging me to see Elf in my teens) but a cool idea could be the 'anti-xmas' films like Krampus (which is ok for pre-teen-esq age).

I wasn't suggesting the DM would watch it at all, I was assuming the kids would be doing this without their DM's involvement. I don't think you have to veer into anti-christmas movies territory either. Obviously they would choose but I've found most teens are more than happy to enjoy traditional Xmas films if it's under the guise of humouring the youngest.

I think your ideas are lovely. As someone who finds Christmas hard due to bereavement I can't imagine ever withholding joy from my children because of it. I probably overcompensate, but I don't want to pass on the misery!
Check out B&M, they have some really reasonable stocking fillers and echo PP who suggested Hobbycraft for good crafts.
I think the children will be happy and remember that a relative was holding them in mind at Christmas, little things like that do make a difference. You cant change the Mum's behaviour but you can show you care and that their experience matters to you at Christmas.

Xmas jumper for each DC. Box of mince pies, chocolate Santa's for each DC, in Aldi they are selling those Dorito like things in the shape of Xmas trees in red/green/ plain. Lindor chocolates, they would be light to send.

I’d put in 3 Christmas jumpers and 3 chocolate advent calendars and a chocolate Santa each.

I’d steer completely clear of anything that will affect the dm like music, scents, trees (stick on or otherwise) and anything that requires her supervision.

Gingerbread houses are a nightmare - but you can get gingerbread men decoration kits that might be a bit easier.

Theres a lovely book called How Winston Delivered Christmas with a story in 24 chapters and suggestions of activities that might be nice.

Could this turn into more upset, setting expectations that your relative cannot carry out.

A box of goodies is still only great fun if someone takes charge and organises. I suppose I'm reflecting on your elf comment, seems more disappointing that the elf was there then list, than not there at all.

Is it possible to visit or have them all stay to share the goodies?

Yes, I agree with PP, a box of "christmas" is just shiny tat, without someone to take charge and make it useful.

If you could visit and take them to a panto, etc, then that would be better, but unfortunately, I don't think christmas spirit is something you can deliver by post, as nice as the thought is.

It sounds like the children spend part of christmas with their dad, and he does it properly. Also, the older kids are getting to an age where they are probably growing out of some of the old traditions anyway. Would a 13yo wear an Xmas jumper you picked?

I think your thoughtfulness would be better spent supporting their mother to get help for the issues that makes her struggle. But maybe send them an advent calendar each too.

Thanks to everyone who has replied.

To those who are urging caution, I appreciate your concern for my sister. However, my priority here is the kids, not my sister. DS will not return or destroy the parcel. She just lacks Christmas spirit. She is fine if other people put the effort in but can’t be bothered herself. The parcel is not going to send her into a deeper depression.

To everyone else, thanks for accepting my message at face value. The suggestions have been brilliant. DN13 will absolutely step up and take charge of the box and support his younger siblings. Unfortunately, he already has lots of experience in doing so.

Unfortunately, an in person visit isn’t going to happen before Xmas. That is why this box is needed. It isn’t supposed to be presents so much as spirit - decorations, activities, things like advent calendars.

The Works and The Range great for Christmas crafts. I like the idea of Christmas jumpers and advent calendars as they seem like the kind of thing mum might not get round to on time.

What about spending money towards them going either out for xmas lunch or getting one delivered.
She may find it all very overwhelming.
The kids might like just being on ipads.
I know you said you cannot visit but what about a zoom call on the day, play a game together with kids as well.

Who's going to take them ?

I previously worked with families affected by domestic abuse and used to put together 'Christmas cheer' hampers (well, large Christmas gift bags as we were on tight budgets!) The things that went down well were:
The Christmas Radio Times magazines with a pack of coloured pens so that each family member could circle what they wanted to watch, along with snacks like popcorn.
Bath bombs/bubble bath/shower gel in festive/sparkly smells & colours.
Hot chocolate & mini mallows.
Cosy Christmas socks.
Those festive-shaped handwarmers from Poundland etc.
Christmas craft kits
Fairy lights
A countdown-to-Christmas decoration/ornament thats shows how many days until Christmas
A snow globe
Advent candle

I hope they all have a lovely Christmas x

How lovely of you. My friend is 66 like me and doesn't really enjoy Christmas any more. I've just sent her the 'Humbug' cushion from Next - and bought her the Christmas Carol book. I'm not sure I've ever read it myself!