Who do you buy presents for?

[catsaregodsindisguise]

I'm in my early 30s. I buy Xmas gifts for parents and three siblings (in their 20s). There are no children in the family yet and I don't exchange gifts with aunts/uncles anymore.

But I also have to get gifts for the in-laws too, if I didn't they would get nothing as their son can't be bothered. I use joint account money (although I use my own money for my family) but it's becoming tedious to think of things to buy them now on top of my own family. I'm wondering if I should cut back and tell them no gifts this year (except the standard calendar we always give them). But it seems a bit joyless to do that I suppose.

Tbh - everything about your OP is pretty joyless!

I don't understand why your family gifts come from your own money but your in laws' gifts come from joint money rather than his own.

Why are you doing that?

I don't take responsibility for my in laws' gifts. If my DH didn't sort it out then they wouldn't get gifts. They knew him long before I was on the scene and whatever gift-giving behaviours were happening before me is what has continued. If things change just because you're there then they will obviously know it's you anyway!

Yes they know it's me! They know he is lazy with gifts.

So why are you bothering? Just don't. It's not your responsibility.

Don't tell them no gifts, just tell them your DH is in charge this year. You can say it jokingly ('haha I'm not sure how this is going to go but we've agreed DH is going to be in charge this year - good luck!')

It's lighthearted but makes it clear any presents (or lack thereof) aren't your fault. Pass the baton back to him - you never should have had it in the first place.

Oh the joys of a big family.

We buy for parents, grandparents, siblings and neices/nephews. There are a lot of them. I've actually lost count of how many neices/nephews I have. I start shopping in January. It's demented. I love it. I'm a Christmas goblin.

However, your husband really needs to be helping you with presents for his own parents. I'd tell him if he doesn't at least contribute some ideas you'll be getting them a bottle of Buckfast and making sure it's signed only from him. Lazy bugger!

You are making a massive rod for your own back here OP, none of that is right or fair.

Presents for both of your families should come out of either joint money, or your respective money, why should you help pay for his when he isn't helping with yours?

And you need to tell him you're stopping doing their gifts and let him sort it, or not. Why would you facilitate him to be lazy and misogynistic, expecting you to do it? If that transfers to other aspects of your relationship he will be an absolute nightmare to be with, especially if you have kids.

My husband, our kids, my brother and sister, my niece and nephew and my dad and his partner. I might send my aunt and uncle a little hamper or something. Similar for dad and his dp as I'm not very close to my dad.

Dh buys for his sisters, their children, his parents and maybe some aunts. I don't get involved with that side at all

I buy for DP, my mum and our dog.

DP buys for me, his parents and our dog. He also shoves £200 into a card for each of his nieces and nephews.

I absolutely take zero responsibility for cards/presents for any of his family because my DP's a fully grown adult.

I buy for my brother and sister and their spouses, their grown kids and partners,their kids( my great niece's and nephews) ,my mum, my inlaws, my kids, my dh, and various secret santa type gifts.
We consider our money to be joint anyway so ut doesn't really matter whose pot it comes out of

Wish he was my uncle, I'd have got a tenner!

We buy for our parents, our children and nieces and nephews. We don't buy for siblings, aunties etc.

We don't have his or hers money it comes from a joint pot.

I buy gifts for dh, give my 3 DC £200 each and a gift stocking of approximately £60/70 each. DS's gf gets a £60/70 stocking and a gift £100 too as does my SiL. My 2 dgc gets a £50 gift each and a stocking £50. Foster son gets a £200 gift of his choosing plus stocking £60/70. I buy for MiL £50 and make her a stocking £50. I bought a token gift for my BiL £30. If I have visitors like my sister and niece come for Xmas then I get gifts for them and a stocking but if they don't come I just give my niece money when I see her next. My MiL makes stockings for DH, me, DC and foster son as well as giving us a main gift each. I buy most gifts for family because I have more time but DH wraps them all up very nicely as I hate wrapping. We pay out of joint bank account except I pay from my account for DH gift.

We buy for in-laws and my parents, my brother and sister (no kids) and then a total of 6 nieces/nephews and 3 god children. We also buy for one grandma (only oldie still alive), our cleaner and teachers. I buy everything (from joint money) because I genuinely enjoy it and DH does appreciate it. I make him wrap though!
We stopped buying for adults with kids a few years ago and it has helped enormously both with thinking of stuff which ends up in the charity shop and in feeling like we’re wasting less money. Before that we had another 7 adults on our list!

As well as DH and our kids, I buy presents for my sisters, their husbands and children (all under 18). Sometimes some close friends, but not consistently. My parents are not alive and we have not be close to aunts/uncles/cousins for a long time.

We don't buy any gifts for my husband's side normally. His family doesn't normally give Christmas presents as it is not a part of their culture (maybe a gift if you are visiting, especially for children, but not as a matter of course) and we don't usually see them at Christmas. It would be entirely up to him/them if he wanted to do gifts. I don't get involved with birthday presents on his side either - again, they don't do much gift giving at all!

It's all joint money, but I do all the work!

Oh yes I tend to give small gifts to cleaner and some support staff at work too, but didn't seem very relevant!

I buy for my 6 children, kids dad, and kids nan. And my grandsons. No one else I can't afford it

Son
Partner
Mum
Brother

Partner buys for me, his parents and grandparents.

I don't but gifts for cousins, neighbours etc as it gets ridiculous consumption and cost wise.

I buy presents for my parents, siblings, and my sister's partner.
My DH buys presents for his family.

We might buy them together or have input, eg we'll be out and I'll say "that would suit your mum" or he'll point out something my sister might like etc. But I absolutely wouldn't take responsibility for buying for his family with no effort from him. Did he not buy for them before he met you? Either he did, in which case he can carry on, or he didn't, in which case they can go back to that.

Oops, forgot my children 🤦🏻‍♀️
We buy for them as well of course

Husband, my mum. That’s it. TTC so obviously our kid(s) when we have them.

My side of the family don’t do the whole aunties, uncles, nieces, nephews thing - we’re a big family and it would cost everyone a fortune.

We used to buy for DH’s parents, sister, BIL and their kids - no need anymore as we’ve been NC for a few years, but when we did, we’d choose the presents together and pay from the joint account, as they were from both of us.

But that covers birthdays and Christmas for that year😂

I refuse to do wife work so I won't buy cards and/or presents for any of DP's family. The result is that none of the adults receive cards or presents for anything other than Christmas. And the kids receive cards only at Christmas but with birthday and Christmas money consolidated into one lump sum. That way, DP only needs to make effort once a year rather than remembering multiple dates and making multiple efforts to buy cards or vouchers.

Presents/money for everyone - us two, his family, my mum - all come from our joint account.

Yup, I totally agree with this.

We have a few kids in my family now so a few years ago we stopped buying for all the adults and instead do a secret Santa. My parents, siblings and their partners all participate. Gift value is around £50. I actually prefer it as everyone gets a really good gift rather than piles of socks and bath sets etc.

I do, too many, as I typed it out felt silly.
Might cut back this year.

I always go a bit OTT as my family hardly buy anything for my kids, not that they should but no one else buys anything for them.

I usually buy presents for my son and niece and nephews. It’s hard though because my mum occasionally buys me something but not most years and I don’t know whether to buy presents for her/ other adults in my family or not. I know it can end up feeling like they should reciprocate and I don’t want to put that on people. But I would rather we did exchange gifts every year. It would be nice