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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Who do you buy presents for?

64 replies

catsaregodsindisguise · 29/08/2023 10:42

I'm in my early 30s. I buy Xmas gifts for parents and three siblings (in their 20s). There are no children in the family yet and I don't exchange gifts with aunts/uncles anymore.

But I also have to get gifts for the in-laws too, if I didn't they would get nothing as their son can't be bothered. I use joint account money (although I use my own money for my family) but it's becoming tedious to think of things to buy them now on top of my own family. I'm wondering if I should cut back and tell them no gifts this year (except the standard calendar we always give them). But it seems a bit joyless to do that I suppose.

OP posts:
Itschristmastimeinthecity · 29/08/2023 14:26

I just buy for my DC.

AuntieMarys · 29/08/2023 14:39

I buy for dh, 2 adult dcs and 1 partner, money for 4 great nieces.
Adult dcs and partner get money and some small gifts.

cheddercherry · 29/08/2023 15:02

I think either all the gifts should come out of the joint pot, or he pays for his side if you’re paying for yours. Otherwise it’s not fair on you to be spending money on something he doesn’t even bother about and you wouldn’t buy yourself?

I think when gift buying becomes a chore it’s time to reassess if the gifts are really needed or are just obligation? I LOVE buying presents, but I do think it’s the joy comes from getting something you know they’ll love, and if you don’t really know them well enough to know what they’d even want then is there a point? Otherwise you end up cluttering them up with stuff they don’t even want and driving yourself mad.

Nomorelittlebabybum · 30/08/2023 06:14

Is there a reason he doesn’t buy them gifts? Like does he not have a good relationship with his family?

I found it difficult to understand why my husband didn’t bother at first but he has a history of trauma and DV. The extent of this and the impact became more obvious over the years. Now neither of us but for his family but he sends a card.

Layinwait · 30/08/2023 06:49

He wouldn’t have bought presents for them before you came on the scene.

and he wouldn’t buy them presents if the two of you split

so the pressure really is self imposed op

NancyJoan · 30/08/2023 07:29

I buy for
Family: Husband, my teens, my mum, my MIL, DH’s 10 nieces and nephews just have money.
Not family: approx eight friends, my team in work.

SallyWD · 30/08/2023 07:35

My parents, my siblings and their partners and children. My in laws (DH sometimes does this or we do it together), a few friends, my DH and my children.

Proudgypsy · 30/08/2023 07:36

I do all the buying as I thoroughly enjoy it and DH can't think of anything worse, he pays.

We buy for:
Each other (he does buy mine)
Our parents
Our grandparents
Our siblings and their spouses and children
A couple of close friends
Some members of extended family

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 30/08/2023 07:47

I buy for DH, my kids and my parents. We have quite a big family with siblings, nieces and nephews so if we all bought for everyone it would cost a fortune so we all decided we'd just buy for our own DC and that seems to work well

Celticdawn5 · 30/08/2023 07:53

I buy for my grandchildren and nephew only.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 30/08/2023 07:55

I buy for my parents and step-parents. My DC. My nieces and nephew. The last 2 years I've bought for my step-sisters step-son so he's not left out when we see them and then he hasn't been there (only a box of chocolates, I've never met him)
And usually my step-brother as we spend Christmas day with our joint parents.

I don't have any in-laws but when I did (we weren't married but whatever) I loved picking things for his Mum because I absolutely adored her. He never expected it though, its more that I saw things that were suitable and picked them up. He did the same for my parents.

Ragwort · 30/08/2023 08:00

I no longer buy any presents except for one friend, and £20 for any nieces, nephews, godchildren under 18 ... only two left now. Grin. We all got to the stage in life where we are fortunate enough to have what we need and the endless round of wine, chocolates, candles, posh hampers etc etc was quite frankly just unnecessary, wasteful and expensive. I much prefer to donate to charity and spend time with people I want to see rather than feeling obliged to 'buy' something.

Some people may see that as 'joyless' but I enjoy writing and sending Christmas cards, going to Carol concerts etc and celebrating Christmas .. just without the hassle of presents.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 30/08/2023 08:20

DH and I sometimes exchange presents but very frugally. We tend to buy things for each other during the year if we see something so Christmas is a bit irrelevant.

We give a decent amount of money to our DC and their partners, they usually put it towards holidays. None of them want "stuff".

No presents to my wider family, I have no idea if DH sends anything to the children on his side. We rarely see them as they are not local so he would have to post things rather than hand them over. No parents of our own any more.

I used to send money to nieces and nephews for their children but it was never acknowledged. I give to a local children's charity instead.

boobot1 · 30/08/2023 08:26

1 Child
2 x parents
8 x siblings
12 x neices and nephews
3 x great neices and nephews

I buy them all (joint account) and I love it!

HedgerowRobin · 30/08/2023 09:44

OP - I can see it’s been said multiple times already but you really are making a rod for your own back buying presents for your husbands side of the family - do you want to be doing this joyless task for the rest of your marriage? Surely your husband knows his family best and would therefore be better placed to choose appropriate gifts?

I have lots of siblings all with significant others - it was costing us a fortune buying presents for everyone so now we do a Secret Santa between us all and my parents - £50 limit so we all get one decent gift. We still all buy for each others children.

On my partners side, we do token presents with his parents and no longer exchange presents with his siblings - again we still buy for each others children. We do play a version of Bad Santa with his side of the family though which costs money (and is hilarious). Partner is in charge of buying for his side of the family.

We then both have a couple of close friends that we buy for and a couple of neighbours get token gifts.

ETA: me and partner do stockings for each other then 1 or 2 bigger/more thoughtful gifts.

ciakace · 30/08/2023 09:46

We buy for, DH’s parents & both sets of his grandparents & My dads parents. We send a card with money to my two brothers. Apart from each other that’s it

RhymesWithTangerine · 30/08/2023 09:47

You have a DH problem. But also, are you going to do all of the emotional work throughout your marriage? This seems the tip of the iceberg.

Beenalongwinter · 30/08/2023 09:48

Grandchildren only , 6.

Lovelydovey · 30/08/2023 10:16

Something small for DH, teen DC who tell us what they want, my two local DB, and my DB, SIL and their DC who live abroad (I sent their presents back with them when they visited earlier in the year).

And that's it. I will occasionally pick up something small for another relative if I am seeing them near Xmas or I see something I know they would love (ie I bought my aunt a fortnum and mason afternoon tea bauble because I knew it would make her smile after a difficult year). And I buy my team at work an advent calendar each!

My DM, DF and PIL are no longer with us. DH's siblings and niblings live a long distance away and are all grown up. Instead we bring presents for the great niblings when we visit instead.

It's very freeing not to have to buy many presents!

JST88 · 30/08/2023 21:59

How miserable, wouldn’t like to be in your family at Christmas time tbh, a calendar.. seems like a joyless holiday overall for you all. I would speak to your husband and tell him how much it disappoints you that he is so thoughtless/unorganised. I hope he at least puts some thought/effort into your gifts!

MegaClutterSlut · 31/08/2023 14:13

I/we buy for mil, sil, bil, dm, df, friends son, 7 nieces/nephews, dh auntie, dd, ds, dds bf, 2 dogs and inlaws dog ☺ me and dh also buy for each other

AnneButNotHathaway · 01/09/2023 06:55

I buy a gift for my SO, then separate gifts for my parents, joint one for my sister and her DH, then my nephews and also two small gifts for work and friends' Secret Santas. Distant relatives get a smartshow 3d video card.

Hibernatalie · 01/09/2023 23:05

I buy for DH, 2xDC, sister, her DH and 2 adult sons, my parents, PiL, BiL and family, SiL and family, childminder and my best friend's 2 x DC.

DH buys for me and DC - he is very generous and thoughtful with our gifts but honestly wouldn't bother with his own family. He pays half of what I buy though for both sides.

I absolutely love buying Xmas gifts though so don't mind at all; sounds like you do so I agree with PP - just put a stop to it.

Baba197 · 02/09/2023 18:50

My mum, son and godson. I also give sons godparents a photo calendar of him. There’s a work secret Santa and I buy several gifts for local social services collection for children in care. Friends all agreed no gifts as it just gets too expensive and complicated and I don’t have a big family.

Thintelligencerising · 02/09/2023 18:54

My mum, and three or four friends.