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Original poster

How can I make Christmas with introverts a bit more fun?

74 replies

StupidHip · 17/08/2023 18:23

At home there's me and 2 young adult sons.

We usually have my parents too. I have a sister who lives away, she's invited us all, but DC will likely be working boxing day so difficult for us to go/they probably won't want to.

DS1 is good company, but he has a gf and will likely spend at least part of the day with her family. Good for him, I'm sure they'll have a lovely time.

At our house it will he hard work. Everyone's nice enough, but not sociable. DS2 shy to the point of rudeness. I make allowances for him because he's suffered significant trauma which has definitely made it worse, but he was always "quiet".

My parents are nice and kind, but there's never been much fun or laughter in them. They'll probably refuse to go to DSis because they "can't" leave me and DS2 after the trauma.

If it was just me, I'd probably gather a group of single friends together and have a bit of a do at mine, but that would be a horrible thing to inflict on DS2. Or I'd go away on my own somewhere, but I also couldn't leave DS2 home alone for Christmas.

So is there anything I can do to liven things up a bit?

OP posts:
rowantree1997 · 17/08/2023 18:28

Invite an extrovert.
Play bingo with funny prizes - our introverts play this.
I'm trying not to feel responsible for everyone having a good time this year.

isthewashingdryyet · 17/08/2023 18:28

So, not introverts then ie people who get their energy and recharge from alone time ?
you are describing socially anxious/ avoidant/ shy people who don’t have a sense of humour.

as an introvert who can be the life and soul of a party or family weekend, and then need 3 days to a week totally alone to recover, I am a bit fed up of being lumped in with the first group.

understanding what an introvert extrovert, and socially avoidant person is really important

LemonDrizzleDessert · 17/08/2023 18:29

Thank me later, like this

Grin
How can I make Christmas with introverts a bit more fun?
LordEmsworth · 17/08/2023 18:31

I'm an introvert. I have fun. I laugh. I make other people laugh. I enjoy spending time with the people I'm close to and talking to them. I'm sorry that you feel that being rude and boring is the same as being an introvert but that's really not true.

Ponderingwindow · 17/08/2023 18:32

Play board games and then watch some Christmas movies.

MenorcaMarguerite · 17/08/2023 18:33

Last Christmas I had a similar grouping and I found some pretty good Christmas quizzes online. We did them in pairs (carefully chosen) and it actually worked really well.

Moonberri · 17/08/2023 18:33

I don't think you understand the meaning of introvert.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/08/2023 18:33

Doesn't sound like they are introverts as such - just maybe low key people? Possibly a smidge dull? I'm an introvert, and if I'm at someone's for Christmas I'll join in and have fun with whatever is happening! I just might need a quiet day to myself then the next day or so.

Moonberri · 17/08/2023 18:34

You describe introverts as unsociable with no fun or laughter. Pretty offensive actually.

Merapi · 17/08/2023 18:36

The thing is... the introverts will be having fun. It's just that their idea of fun is different from yours.

Difficult situation with your dc2 - have you talked to him about it? Maybe find out what would be easiest for him.

Original poster
StupidHip · 17/08/2023 18:36

I just asked for a bit of help and you're all going to pick at me for my choice of words?.

We are all introverts, including DS1 who can be sociable. We all need our quiet time. My parents don't see the point in "fun" but are content with their lot. I enjoy company but can be glad when it's over. DS2 suffered a significant trauma which has broken him. I said that, but you've chosen to take that as a slight against you?

I just asked for some help.

OP posts:
LemonDrizzleDessert · 17/08/2023 18:39

StupidHip · 17/08/2023 18:36

I just asked for a bit of help and you're all going to pick at me for my choice of words?.

We are all introverts, including DS1 who can be sociable. We all need our quiet time. My parents don't see the point in "fun" but are content with their lot. I enjoy company but can be glad when it's over. DS2 suffered a significant trauma which has broken him. I said that, but you've chosen to take that as a slight against you?

I just asked for some help.

I didn't, agree that ppl are a bit too harsh on you

Moonberri · 17/08/2023 18:40

You can ask for help without saying that introverts are unsociable and no fun. It's a stigma that many introverts have to fight against and its not even accurate.

If you want to ask how to liven up a day with unsociable or boring people that's different.

I hope you can see the difference without getting so defensive.

Original poster
StupidHip · 17/08/2023 18:44

Moonberri · 17/08/2023 18:40

You can ask for help without saying that introverts are unsociable and no fun. It's a stigma that many introverts have to fight against and its not even accurate.

If you want to ask how to liven up a day with unsociable or boring people that's different.

I hope you can see the difference without getting so defensive.

I'm being defensive? [Grin]

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 17/08/2023 18:48

I'm so sorry, your son went through a traumatic event. What would his ideal Christmas be like? What about your parents, how would they most enjoy spending the day?

hylian · 17/08/2023 18:49

StupidHip · 17/08/2023 18:36

I just asked for a bit of help and you're all going to pick at me for my choice of words?.

We are all introverts, including DS1 who can be sociable. We all need our quiet time. My parents don't see the point in "fun" but are content with their lot. I enjoy company but can be glad when it's over. DS2 suffered a significant trauma which has broken him. I said that, but you've chosen to take that as a slight against you?

I just asked for some help.

I think as an introvert it is quite hard when you are constantly assumed to be boring and hate fun. So I can see where people are coming from on here tbh. I'm an introvert but at Christmas I will be silly and have a great time (I'll just then need a few days alone to recover!)

But anyway, regardless of the word choice, it sounds like you're potentially spending Christmas with some people who are not socially very fun. I'd recommend some Christmas cocktails and a slightly silly (but not TOO silly) board game which gets people into teams - perhaps something like Articulate.

But also, think about who they are and what they like, and cater for that - like you would with any guests. Is there someone who likes logic/ puzzles? - get some of those little wooden puzzles.
Make sure you have the right food/ drinks that people will enjoy.
Just basically be a good host as a starting point and make sure everyone has what they need, always helps people to relax and join in more.

Original poster
StupidHip · 17/08/2023 18:53

Why would anyone accuse one of these fun loving introverts of being boring if they're not? Who would even know they categorise themselves as introverts?

OP posts:
IfYouDontAsk · 17/08/2023 18:54

Would your parents and son enjoy board games or doing a big Christmas jigsaw together over a festive drink? Appreciate that board games aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.

A Christmas film together? That way there’s no pressure to chat but you’re still in each others company.

Sorry to hear about the trauma that your son’s been through, sounds very tough.

Berlinlover · 17/08/2023 18:59

Your family sound like the type of people I would love to spend Christmas with.

cheddercherry · 17/08/2023 19:17

Maybe ask your DS2 what his ideal day would be and plan a really fun day for you and him (and of course his brother for a bit of it before he goes to his GF). Maybe if you get some plans together you can gently suggest to your parents that they can in fact go to your sisters (if of course you’re happy to not see them, if you want to see them I’m not suggesting to kick them out!). Just thinking your boys might be more comfortable and “free and easy” to let lose if you jsut plan

cheddercherry · 17/08/2023 19:18

*just plan a day for you all?

Then can you have a few friends over later maybe and give your DS2 time to himself (if he wants to, just thinking he might feel more like he can retire to his room if you’ve got mates round and he doesn’t have to worry about you on your own) and you can have a couple of hours later to have a bit of a party?

juicelooseabootthishoose · 17/08/2023 19:21

Why not have a quiet day christmas day that suits the wider family and roll with it.
You could tick your own social and fun boxes christmas eve. And then if both DC are working head to your sisters on your own for boxing day afternoon and evening and have fun.

If DS2 needs company after work could he head to your parents? Or could DS1 have his girlfriend over that evening so DS2 isnt alone for too long if that is an issue.

ShineLikeA · 17/08/2023 19:25

isthewashingdryyet · 17/08/2023 18:28

So, not introverts then ie people who get their energy and recharge from alone time ?
you are describing socially anxious/ avoidant/ shy people who don’t have a sense of humour.

as an introvert who can be the life and soul of a party or family weekend, and then need 3 days to a week totally alone to recover, I am a bit fed up of being lumped in with the first group.

understanding what an introvert extrovert, and socially avoidant person is really important

Exactly. I get really tired of the misuse of the term 'introvert' on Mn. It doesn't mean shy, socially-awkward, unsociable, misanthropic, dull. You would not be able to tell the difference between me and the most extrovert of extroverts in company -- the difference is that I will need a chunk of time alone to recharge afterwards, and the extrovert won't. There are sociable introverts and shy, socially-reluctant introverts. There are introverts who would adore a loud family Christmas party with board games and carol-singing. There are probably also extroverts who, though they are energised by being around others, aren't necessarily the life and soul of the party.

OP, you've said what you would prefer to gather a bunch of single friends together at yours, and you've said that one of your sons will be off with his girlfriend at least some of the time, but that your other son would hate a gathering, but also that you can't leave him alone. Are you sure? Would he in fact prefer it? Is the trauma a bereavement their father and your DH?

BelovedLucy · 17/08/2023 19:45

What do you think your DS2 would most like to do? It sounds a little as if you feel you have to deliver a standard fun and games Christmas, even though it might not be exactly what anyone attending would want.

Would your DS2 be more relaxed if your parents went to your sister? Could they be persuaded?

If you do want a standard Christmas with games there are lots of games that are suited to people who are a bit quieter- anything like Cluedo would work, or watch a film together?

Original poster
StupidHip · 17/08/2023 19:47

ShineLikeA · 17/08/2023 19:25

Exactly. I get really tired of the misuse of the term 'introvert' on Mn. It doesn't mean shy, socially-awkward, unsociable, misanthropic, dull. You would not be able to tell the difference between me and the most extrovert of extroverts in company -- the difference is that I will need a chunk of time alone to recharge afterwards, and the extrovert won't. There are sociable introverts and shy, socially-reluctant introverts. There are introverts who would adore a loud family Christmas party with board games and carol-singing. There are probably also extroverts who, though they are energised by being around others, aren't necessarily the life and soul of the party.

OP, you've said what you would prefer to gather a bunch of single friends together at yours, and you've said that one of your sons will be off with his girlfriend at least some of the time, but that your other son would hate a gathering, but also that you can't leave him alone. Are you sure? Would he in fact prefer it? Is the trauma a bereavement their father and your DH?

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DH is dead

OP posts: