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Original poster

How can I make Christmas with introverts a bit more fun?

74 replies

StupidHip · 17/08/2023 18:23

At home there's me and 2 young adult sons.

We usually have my parents too. I have a sister who lives away, she's invited us all, but DC will likely be working boxing day so difficult for us to go/they probably won't want to.

DS1 is good company, but he has a gf and will likely spend at least part of the day with her family. Good for him, I'm sure they'll have a lovely time.

At our house it will he hard work. Everyone's nice enough, but not sociable. DS2 shy to the point of rudeness. I make allowances for him because he's suffered significant trauma which has definitely made it worse, but he was always "quiet".

My parents are nice and kind, but there's never been much fun or laughter in them. They'll probably refuse to go to DSis because they "can't" leave me and DS2 after the trauma.

If it was just me, I'd probably gather a group of single friends together and have a bit of a do at mine, but that would be a horrible thing to inflict on DS2. Or I'd go away on my own somewhere, but I also couldn't leave DS2 home alone for Christmas.

So is there anything I can do to liven things up a bit?

OP posts:
LemonDrizzleDessert · 17/08/2023 19:49

I'm sorry for your loss, OP 💐

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/08/2023 19:58

If he's always been quiet, has suffered trauma and has lost his father, maybe an attempt to make things 'fun' is not something he would want to be subjected to?

Somebody you describe as 'broken' is not a person who necessarily wants a fancy dress competition, fun run, karaoke session on Christmas Day unless he asks for one. He likely just wants to have the quietness of the day. Which is tough on you if you want a big, boozy party, but I think his needs outweigh yours.

Would him going with his grandparents to be quiet somewhere else suit him? Or is that he doesn't want the noise of dealing with the wider family?

user76541055773 · 17/08/2023 19:59

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

Could you get together with DS at a quiet time and plan something that works for you both? I think what you want to do is equally important - you have to look after yourself to be able to look after him.

Maybe you could plan some time with DS to cater mainly to him, but then escape for a few hours to be with some friends, maybe taking advantage of your parents offer to help and they could just chill with him watching TV (and then send your parents off to your sisters)?

HTmmm · 17/08/2023 20:05

I'm sorry your son has been through trauma and your kind, quiet parents want to stay close, and that's not fun enough for you.

Maybe entertain yourself, and make sure your son feels the best he can during this difficult time. If he has PTSD then Christmas faff could be overwhelming and distressing. Cosy and safe shouldn't be hard work. If you wanted to party with friends, maybe your parents could care for your son whilst you still go out for a bit.

AvengedQuince · 17/08/2023 20:08

Agree with @HTmmm
Or can't you just party with friends NYE?

user76541055773 · 17/08/2023 20:12

Bloody hell! Todays passive aggressive bitchiness award goes to @HTmmm

The woman’s husband died. Try having an ounce of compassion.

ArthurChristmas22 · 17/08/2023 20:13

Hi Op, sorry for your loss. I think the best option here may be asking your son. When we lost my DB, we decided as a family to just get away from it all, we rented a cottage in Cornwall and spent a Christmas not doing Christmas. Beach, long walks in the rain, pubs, board games and just a total change in scene. And we healed as a family. And we forgot that it was Christmas because we just did what we wanted to do. Looking back, it was one of my favourite Christmases of my whole childhood, including all the ones with parties, friends, presents.

Would a total change of scene help? Could be UK or a citybreak? Would give you the social aspects/provide some fun and entertainment but perhaps give your DS a distraction. Maybe link it to a theme/hobby he enjoys? Your DS1 could join you, or be free to be with his girlfriend. Your parents may be released to go elsewhere?

Singleandproud · 17/08/2023 20:15

My family is like this, DD is autistic and its highly likely my Ddad and Dbro are too. No one in my family would want to put themselves in the spot light for silly games or karaoke so we always get a new board game at Christmas and play it after dinner with nibbles around the table.
Getting the Switch out is always quite good too is its funny, we have the party, carnival games and sport games and they work as entertainment but people don't feel the centre of attention

whereaw · 17/08/2023 20:15

Lovely idea @ArthurChristmas22

user76541055773 · 17/08/2023 20:18

@ArthurChristmas22 what a lovely post, and a great idea.

Could that be an option @StupidHip ?

Thighdentitycrisis · 17/08/2023 20:25

Guess what? People can be introverted, boring, rude and avoidant all at the same time

ShineLikeA · 17/08/2023 20:37

StupidHip · 17/08/2023 19:47

DH is dead

Show quote history

I'm so sorry, OP. I thought that might be the case. Is this the first Christmas since his death? It sounds to me as if you should take no thought of what other people think you should be doing, and see if there can be any common ground between something you would like and what your DS would be comfortable with? Think what you would do if left entirely to choose freely yourself. Ask him what he would prefer, left entirely free to choose. See if there are any things that would work for you both, or perhaps you're better off doing your socialising out of the house, where the onus is on someone else to make the 'fun' happen?

How old is DS2? Might he prefer to be left alone, if old enough?

Would you prefer your parents to be there on Christmas Day or not? If they do come, I don't think you should run yourself ragged trying to create artificial fun for several people who don't want or can't do it, unless that is what you would prefer. (But that's exhausting and fraught enough when you haven't just lost your husband and the father of your children.)

Would you consider 'skipping' Christmas altogether this year and just letting yourself and your sons feel sad?

xyz111 · 17/08/2023 20:42

How old is DS2 Op? Is the trauma a fairly new thing? How does he feel about Xmas?

WineIsMyCarb · 17/08/2023 20:48

Board games - especially if it's some sort of challenge.... be it academic for clever clogs or a bit of a 'physical'challenge of you think being gently pushed out their comfort zone will help. I've bought "Beat That" recently for family games and it's good fun.
Some sort of craft that's not too childish (wreath making, for example)
Quiz. Especially if they're clever introverts.
Get a flip chart and do pictionary.

pickledandpuzzled · 17/08/2023 21:38

My husband's extended family are very quiet. They can't for a moment see what's good about charades, or any other group games.

They like board games and individual games/contests. They do a quiz where you have to identify who's who on a sheet of pictures cut out of magazines, and another where there are a few small items inside a knotted sock and you have to guess what they are.

It's very quiet, but everyone takes it very seriously while also having fun.

I'm sorry for your loss, and hope you and DS find a way to enjoy the day regardless.

pickledandpuzzled · 17/08/2023 21:41

And to the rest of the bitches who leapt on OP for her use of the words introvert- perfectly appropriately, as she was talking about her family who are indeed introverts and also for various reasons not the life and soul of the party- well shame on you. Not all introverts are the same. Just because you have a high tolerance for fun and excitement and are introverts doesn't mean that all introverts do.

Mercibuckets · 17/08/2023 21:43

I hope you’re ok and agree you’ve had some strange and unpleasant responses. Jt sounds like you’ve all had a tough time.

Could you check in on what DS would prefer to do? It sounds like he is the most vulnerable person so I’d let him take the lead and communicate it to everyone else. It really depends on what his headspace is but I once had a Christmas with DH (pre DCs) where we effectively acted like 17 year olds eating cupcakes and champagne for breakfast, watching 5 hours of box sets before going out for a fancy restaurant lunch and playing Xbox into the small hours. I actually much prefer a family Christmas with aunties uncles cousins and grandparents but have fond memories of that year.

Coffeeandcake12 · 17/08/2023 21:44

How old is ds? Could the 2 of you go away for a few days maybe escape the Christmas circus? Could you ask him what he would like to do (depending on his age )
Sorry you're having a difficult time op. Lauren plan some fun with friends for the new year or in between boxing day and new year.

Squishmallowy · 17/08/2023 21:47

If they’re not actually introverted and just a bit anxious and shy then I’d recommend some fun games, computer or otherwise, some nice drinks and snacks and out some music on, everyone will hopefully loosen up and get involved!

Idratherbeshiny57 · 17/08/2023 21:50

Escaping is good. Or, everyone gets a book from a book list they chose for Xmas and drinks tipple of their choice? It’ll be hard and fun might be a high goal.

maybe a non Christmas themed film everyone likes?

TotalOverhaul · 17/08/2023 21:53

I'd focus on having a calm and cosy Christmas. Do some festive things that require no socialising, such as a lights show or stately home decked out traditionally, go to a carol concert, maybe get tickets for a light-hearted show at a local theatre. Plan to watch some films on TV together and pass the chocolates around. If they like exercise, some frosty walks in the country then home for hot chocolate.
There are loads of atmospheric ways to really enjoy Christmas without having to have forced fun or noisy parties.

Aaron95 · 17/08/2023 21:56

Turn the WiFi off.

AvengedQuince · 17/08/2023 21:58

TotalOverhaul · 17/08/2023 21:53

I'd focus on having a calm and cosy Christmas. Do some festive things that require no socialising, such as a lights show or stately home decked out traditionally, go to a carol concert, maybe get tickets for a light-hearted show at a local theatre. Plan to watch some films on TV together and pass the chocolates around. If they like exercise, some frosty walks in the country then home for hot chocolate.
There are loads of atmospheric ways to really enjoy Christmas without having to have forced fun or noisy parties.

These are all lovely ideas 🥰

AppropriateAdult · 17/08/2023 22:03

This has been an incredibly mean-spirited thread, even for Mumsnet Confused Way to take a post about a family which has clearly suffered greatly and make it all about yourselves, self-styled introverts. Round of applause.

OP, I'm very sorry for your loss. I really hope you manage to have a Christmas that feels comfortable and as stress-free as possible for you and your sons.

fleur25 · 17/08/2023 22:13

Sorry about some of the replies here OP, completely uncalled for and so sorry for your loss FlowersI expect it's a difficult time for all of you. I agree that your DS sounds the most vulnerable here so good idea to ask him what his ideal day would look like, although it sounds like he might not be that forthcoming with ideas (which is understandable.)
A quiz sounds like a good idea as it's something you can all participate in and I was also going to suggest something like wine and cheese tasting if that would be your kind of thing? Or what about you decide whose doing a course and keep it a surprise? So someone does the stater, main etc or you have to create your own cocktail? And guess the ingredients? Then everyone is participating and hopefully it'll lead to chatting rather then watching a film or something