How can I make Christmas with introverts a bit more fun?

[StupidHip]

At home there's me and 2 young adult sons.

We usually have my parents too. I have a sister who lives away, she's invited us all, but DC will likely be working boxing day so difficult for us to go/they probably won't want to.

DS1 is good company, but he has a gf and will likely spend at least part of the day with her family. Good for him, I'm sure they'll have a lovely time.

At our house it will he hard work. Everyone's nice enough, but not sociable. DS2 shy to the point of rudeness. I make allowances for him because he's suffered significant trauma which has definitely made it worse, but he was always "quiet".

My parents are nice and kind, but there's never been much fun or laughter in them. They'll probably refuse to go to DSis because they "can't" leave me and DS2 after the trauma.

If it was just me, I'd probably gather a group of single friends together and have a bit of a do at mine, but that would be a horrible thing to inflict on DS2. Or I'd go away on my own somewhere, but I also couldn't leave DS2 home alone for Christmas.

So is there anything I can do to liven things up a bit?

OP, please don't take this the wrong way - but are you worried that if Christmas Day is low key and quiet, the loss of your DH will hit you? Because I well remember my own DM frantically trying to be jolly during the first few Christmases after my DF died. I think she was terrified that if we let the sadness in on that day, it would be overwhelming. Thing is, the sadness was still there and we were both still broken. But we had to put on a mask of fun and jollity.

I find games really help. Plus alcohol. And lots of planned activities to avoid hours just sitting in the sofa.

Games are low stakes for everyone. We have done online escape games - you can buy a package, print out the clues and then work as team to solve them. Worked well for GP and introvert teens.
We also do things like PuzzGrid and chronophoto, you can do it from a laptop and cast onto tv so everyone can see.

@StupidHip the thread has become much nicer now! Read it backwards, there are some good ideas here and the nastiness has died down.

Do you have the chance to pop out to see a friend on the day?

Ps I'm an introvert- wasn't offended at all by your initial post.

I’m an introvert and nothing you said was offensive. I think it’s beautiful that you’re putting your sons feelings before your own. Could you meet up with some friends on Christmas Eve and have a bit of fun then spend Christmas Day in pyjamas, make a buffet and watch a movie series like Star Wars or Harry Potter for the day? Blankets, candles, chocolates…. Sounds pretty perfect to me 😊

I'd probably gather a group of single friends together and have a bit of a do at mine, but that would be a horrible thing to inflict on DS2

I’m sorry for his trauma but that doesn’t mean you never get to invite anyone over again or have a bit of a party. Invite the friends! Just leave DS2 be in his room with a TV and snacks, he would probably be relieved to be off the hook anyway.

Just ignore the weird pedants up thread. We are the same kind of family as you, I think. We do board games where you don't have as much interaction (so e.g. Sherlock Holmes game rather than Speak Out-type)
We also do quizzes (because there's one person who loves putting them together) or sometimes those quizzes you get in the paper at Christmas (yes, we're a bit old) and now and then charades, but the ones where you do REALLY basic kind of hand gestures / draw clues rather than "acting" iyswim.
And sorry for your loss.

It sounds like you are putting far too much pressure on the day. Just have some nice food, go for a walk, play board games, watch some Christmas TV. Job done.

I am sorry for your loss, but blimey, OP, that was a massive drip feed.

But, Somehow we do have to change the assumption that introvert is another word for socially anxious or boring and dull.

Take care and hope you find the Christmas that suits you, and also one that suits your son

No it wasn't. It's not particularly relevant except as an explanation to the PP who wanted to berate me for not considering DH/the boys' father. It's not a recent loss, we've done Christmas without him before.

Exactly this. We do this because of having very young kids who are overwhelmed on Christmas Day, and need it to be actually quite low key. I treat the day like a lovely laid back Sunday, with a big roast. We then invite our neighbours over Christmas Day night and have a few drinks and play silly games. Plenty of time over the Christmas period to get rowdy or have games nights or whatever you enjoy doing. Approach it as the whole period rather than just one day, and get your cup filled on other days.

Some very weird and unnecessarily nasty replies on this thread!

Rather than trying to make a day at home more fun what about going out for some of it and that hopefully takes some of the fun "pressure" off the rest of the day. It really depends where you live and what you generally enjoy doing.

Agree with OP there was no drip feed.

More to the point you must have had an empathy deficit if you
i) think it’s appropriate to address some tedious point of Mumsnet etiquette on this thread and
ii) need to use this thread to whine about the needs of us poor introverts. I’m an introvert and I feel no need to wang on like there’s been some sort of hate speech against a protected characteristic or appeal to the UN for a gross violation of human rights.

Start your own thread if the plight of introverts is such an important pressing issue and leave the OP be.

We're not particularly introverted or extroverted but we enjoy a quiet, chilled Christmas Day. The thought of having to do party games or quizzes would not be enjoyable for me. I'm having fun without forced jollity.

Presents, good food, a walk, Christmas TV or a film, some alcohol. That's a good Christmas to me.

Please don't feel it has to be full of laughs and games to be enjoyable. Chilled and relaxed is just as good.

Thanks to everyone who's offered some good suggestions. It's not that I need or even want the day to be laugh a minute, just something "more" than lunch and everyone doing their own thing. Which may well be what DS2 wants but in his room on his own all the time can't be doing him any good. He's my only concern really. He's an adult, I can't force help on him, but God he needs it.

I'm really shocked at the offended introverts' response to someone asking for help in a difficult situation. They might not be boring, but goodness they do know how to make a situation all about them. And the best bit, then accuse me of being defensive and self centred. I can't think of any situation when it's OK the berate someone who's come to you for help with something painful.

I just thought it was a thread asking for ideas on activities that quieter types might enjoy. No idea why it veered off the way it did 🤷‍♀️

A lot of the local curry places open for Christmas lunch around here. Would something like that appeal to you and your sons?

What are the natural focal points in your day? Opening gifts, breakfast, cooking/eating lunch/dinner, Christmas tv, walk, church?

Whatever those things are for your house, could you have a think about how he fits in. Does he have a favourite food, can he make a particular sauce, could he get a fire going in the living room? If he likes gaming could he organise a game everyone could play? If he’s a reader, could everyone get a new book and chocolate and curl up and read after dinner? If he liked Lego could you incorporate it in the Christmas crackers.

They are probably not great examples - but what I’m trying to convey is finding ways to nurture and celebrate who he is and his natural way of being.

It sounds like you might need to organise a couple of fun nights out for yourself before and after because your needs are important too.

I agree with pps that structure can really help. Board games and a film together, maybe a walk if your ds would consider it.

In the nicest way, is there any chance of getting shot of your dps and encouraging them to go to your dsis? I wonder if the day might be nicer with just you and your ds to think about?

Sorry for your loss op.

I wouldn’t go for organised games at all. Maybe a walk would be the extent of organised activities.

I think in your shoes I would treat my ds as an ally and ask him to help you make Christmas with your dps a bit more bearable. Ask him for suggestions?

So come to an agreement with him about what food he would like and if it’s beef curry then go for that. Put him in charge of serving alcohol or making a fire or making cocktails or something. And build in elements that you enjoy too. Don’t feel you have to make everything nice for everyone else and ignore your own enjoyment.

I’m sure the house wouldn’t fall down if you sneaked out for an hour in the afternoon to see a friend for example and left everyone to it. Would your ds2 be ok being left with his gps for a bit? That’s the joy of having older dc surely?

I'm autistic and I would enjoy word games or a crossword together, that sort of thing. I love playing Articulate. I also would enjoy going for a Christmas walk and watching a programme or film together, if it were one everyone enjoyed. Comedy can be good for bonding and a feeling of togetherness.
I'm sorry your son experienced significant trauma.
.

But now I've realised I don't really understand your question sorry. Did you want ideas to make it more enjoyable for you or for your son or for your parents?