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Original poster

Any family dramas ?!?!?

120 replies

Ilovechoc12 · 23/12/2022 17:45

Oh my god it was the dog last yr - which ended up - my dad being in the travel lodge.

This yr it's my brothers girl friends cat travelling from Scotland! Why don't they use a cattery ?!?!? It better not turn up in a cage at my house. I'm not in for surprises as that's the way they think they can trick me by turning up randomly.

😂😂😂😂😂

We have no animals - I don't want animals. I do love them but equally don't want them
I've got enough to deal with 4 children.

Therefore please don't think you can bring your animals to stay at my houses over Xmas. I have enough stuff to deal with hosting 20 people without any animals.

I think I might drink too much tonight so I'm not stressed - as I've just learnt about the cat one hr ago.

What's your family dramas .....?????

OP posts:
Redcisco · 23/12/2022 20:15

@5YearsLeft both sides are to blame.
Person A asked B for a massive favour so they wouldn’t have to spend money. We warned A against this, as B can be disorganized, unreliable, and stressful. They didn’t want to hear any advice because they just wanted to save money.
Person B said yes to the favour, despite not really being enthusiastic about it, because they didn’t want to say no. They also enjoyed lording it over A, I imagine. But B has some blind spots about their own shortcomings and let A down on some important stuff - not maliciously but shortsightedness. A started to criticize B and B launched a full blown verbal attack and withdrew favour completely.

B is probably a bit embarrassed about the situation. Wants to make amends but still thinks A should show a bit more gratitude. So they’ve kind of just retreated and have not made a big fuss over Christmas and are sitting silently hurt (or harassing me about it)

A has been much more vocal and has been sharing with anyone who will listen that B left them in the deep end and all the things they said/did wrong. So other family members have probably heard their side of the story more. A is more charismatic and is quite likeable so better company at Christmas. B is more stubborn and proud. Plus I come from a family of shit heads who like to stir up drama.

I feel for B but their temper gets the better of them. They’re sat sulking for now but I think if they find out A has all the family on side (aunts uncles cousins) then they’re going to erupt big time.

Redcisco · 23/12/2022 20:17

@5YearsLeft so sorry to read about your Christmas.

Madsciencecovid2020 · 23/12/2022 20:23

So not so much a drama as a family avoidance plan required and support for send child. I have spent 4 weeks recovering from covid and various complications and so made a choice to avoid family. We have had 4 years of non stop family medical emergencies and battles with local authority for send support for youngest child .Our daughter has been having tests and today we got the bombshell- stage 4 cancer! Fuck me that's a Christmas fun sponge right there. Husband is now saying I need to manage expectations of youngest child with complex needs as Christmas won't be like normal. Husband is in pieces about daughters diagnosis and I face another year of supporting and managing daughter and her treatment whilst also supporting him whilst he doesn't cope!! I have had to cope for 4 years and do everything with no one supporting me and I am damned if I am ruining all of Christmas for my youngest. We plan to avoid most of extended family so that we don't fun sponge their Christmas- also a win as its always stressful!! Fuck me life needs to stop with the lemons as Iam drowning in lemonade

SapphireSeptember · 23/12/2022 20:40

@5YearsLeft Oh sweetheart. I want to just hug you. What country do you live in? There may be a Mumsnetter there who could lend some practical support. In the meantime we're here for you. Flowers

starsparkle08 · 23/12/2022 20:53

The poor cat

GinUnicorn · 23/12/2022 21:18

5YearsLeft · 23/12/2022 19:17

I don’t even know if they’re family but they’re all I have. My Christmases just keep getting more and more awful. I’m dying, and my husband decided to divorce me and get remarried before I ACTUALLY died so that his second wife, who was one of my best friends, could get a visa for the country where we live. I live with them because I’m too sick to live anywhere else, and too young and poor to live in a cradle-to-death home.

She invited his mother, who still acts like my MIL, for all of Christmas. MIL has early-onset Alzheimer’s and has called saying that her plane ticket demands she do all kinds of things and she can’t make heads or tails of it (she’s just flying EasyJet which she’s done 100s of times before so it’s heartbreaking). This is all being communicated to second wife, who she likes much more than me. I heard second wife telling MIL that they’ve scheduled a Christmas video call with my former DH’s family back in America - a group of people who used to really like me, but have apparently decided that I’ve one foot in the grave and it’s time to focus on the second wife.

I’m going to try to sleep through Christmas so I don’t have to deal with any of it. I miss Scotland (homesick), I miss my grandparents who used to make Christmas special (both dead), I’m stuck with:

  1. a man who claims he still loves me (pull the other one; it’s got bells on it),
  2. his new wife who hasn’t been speaking to me for over a year because she claims that me being depressed and bordering on suicidal over my illness and all I’d lost traumatized her, and normally I’d feel quite guilty for exposing that to someone, even unintentionally, except part of my depression was her treating me with such a huge amount of contempt for a year solid while she was choosing to live in our flat, completely funded by us, and trying to get together with my husband, while my condition was worsening and I was vomiting blood. It’s been months since she’s spoken a single word to me, and two years of monosyllabic treatment before that. (Oh, and I know, I have an enormous “D”H problem, but she was also one of my best friends, so I didn’t expect sudden daily hatred and contempt).
  3. And my MIL, who won’t remember all the hurtful things she’s said to me in the past 15 years. And will become unruly if someone gives her any plonk, which the new wife probably will.

Fingers crossed my “sleep through it all” plan works, which should be easy because I feel like shite. I wish more than anything in the world I could have hopped on a plane to absolutely anywhere and not been here, but I’m just too sick. Hopping on a plane might kill me, and I’ll never qualify for travel insurance as I haven’t for years, but it would be worth it. And maybe if I sleep through everything, I can dream of winning the lottery, buying a cottage in Scotland, and spending Christmas there with my grandparents back with me. Or even just one person who loved me. What a Christmastide clusterfuck.

I’m so sorry. Sending you hugs as I have no words.

Adventadventures · 23/12/2022 21:22

@5YearsLeft I found your post heartbreaking.You may be physically alone but you have an enormous amount of online emotional support available here on Mumsnet.
Please let us all keep you company over Xmas. Keep posting and let us all share of our Xmas with you

TolkiensFallow · 23/12/2022 21:28

This is nuts! Why don’t people ask?! I ask and if the answer is no I decline the invitation or arrange a pet sitter!

dapsnotplimsolls · 23/12/2022 21:32

I need to know more about the Dad, the dog and the travelodge.

ItchySnoof · 23/12/2022 21:36

@5YearsLeft of course I don't know the full story and I am sure it's much more complex. I am basing my reply off the info in your reply.

Get on that plane back to Scotland and fuck travel insurance. What have you got left to lose except a shithead of an Ex and the person he cheated with? If these are your final days go, and live them in happiness away from these awful people.

starsparkle08 · 23/12/2022 21:38

ItchySnoof · 23/12/2022 21:36

@5YearsLeft of course I don't know the full story and I am sure it's much more complex. I am basing my reply off the info in your reply.

Get on that plane back to Scotland and fuck travel insurance. What have you got left to lose except a shithead of an Ex and the person he cheated with? If these are your final days go, and live them in happiness away from these awful people.

Agree with this

ItchySnoof · 23/12/2022 21:50

I also didn't want to be crass but feel compelled to add @5YearsLeft, that if you die on the flight home at least you died free and fighting for the freedom you deserve.

I genuinely hope you can reply and find someone in your country who can help you even just find that freedom where you are now, if not help get you home where you belong and where you yearn to be.

meringue33 · 23/12/2022 21:51

So sorry that you’re going through this @5YearsLeft . I’m glad you have a bit of dark humour left to see you through! Sending love and unmumsnetty hugs 🌻

CatWorm · 23/12/2022 21:52

Yeah, my PIL tried to surprise us with two rescue dogs one Christmas. Normally I’d be chilled. I love dogs. But we had a 10 month old.

I was not impressed when another member of the family gave the game away.

I find it a bit weird that your brothers gf would want to bring a cat to a house with 4 children.

meringue33 · 23/12/2022 21:54

So sorry to hear this @Madsciencecovid2020 . How hard for you all 💐

LittleBitLostWithoutYou · 23/12/2022 21:58

We had crazy relatives that insisted on taking their cat on holiday with them, they were completely mad. Poor fucking cats, what is wrong with people?

We generally try to avoid most family at Xmas. 😂

5YearsLeft · 23/12/2022 22:04

ItchySnoof · 23/12/2022 21:50

I also didn't want to be crass but feel compelled to add @5YearsLeft, that if you die on the flight home at least you died free and fighting for the freedom you deserve.

I genuinely hope you can reply and find someone in your country who can help you even just find that freedom where you are now, if not help get you home where you belong and where you yearn to be.

Jesus. Maybe you’re right. I tried to go last summer and it was a bit of a disaster. I never completely recovered from the exhaustion of getting there. But… maybe it doesn’t matter? At this point, I’d rather die there than be stuck here. The problem last time was also getting my medications, but if I could get them two months at a time or something, maybe I could figure it out. When my “D” “H” asked if I was planning to go to Scotland to die (I told him I still wanted to try to get back this summer somehow, since I’m in Switzerland and we’ve started having heat waves here that are on par with Spain, and all our glaciers are melting - I think you asked me what country I was in @SapphireSeptember ) and I told him no, but I really thought, “What fucking business of yours is it?”

@Adventadventures I may actually start a thread Christmas Day for people who are trying to escape Christmas (without telling my full story, so the focus isn’t on me) so everyone will be able to have a tea and a laugh.

roarfeckingroarr · 23/12/2022 22:17

Redcisco · 23/12/2022 19:21

Two immediate family members had a huge row earlier this year. It’s very frustrating as one of my siblings and I saw it coming - tried to warn them not to do xyz because it was bound to end in tears. Nope didn’t listen so here we are, stuck in the middle of it all.
We knew there would be sides taken over Christmas so we both decided we and our dps/kids would go abroad for Christmas. Of course everyone is invited but both sides said “I’m not going if x is invited” so that was our way to dodge the Christmas drama.
Problem is, relative A has decided to host everyone else from the family.
Relative B has no idea yet and is just planning a quiet one at home.
Im dreading the social media post or whatever where B finds they’ve all got together without them. I can just imagine them getting in the car, driving round there and kicking off. Then calling me and my sibling in tears down the phone and ruining our day too.
Apart from we have a pact. First sign of trouble we’re turning off our phones and ordering margaritas.

Please can you keep us updated?

Did you and your sibling and families all go together? This sounds like a précis of a book I would read. We need background, details of fall out, why family have picked relative A not B, what country you're in...

OrigamiOwls · 23/12/2022 22:20

@5YearsLeft that sounds like an excellent idea for a thread... Lots of people don't have a positive connection with Christmas day so likely to appreciate a thread like that on the day.

roarfeckingroarr · 23/12/2022 22:25

@5YearsLeft what an absolute shit show you're having to endure. I'm so sorry. Your exH and ex friend are disgusting specimens. I hope you can escape.

User57713 · 23/12/2022 23:07

Adult dsd keeping us all hanging on until the last minute about when she'll come and visit us. She's announced today the only 2 hour slot she's free, which of course is the time we've agreed to meet up with my family.

She won't be in the same room as my family so that's all a drama. Including messages from her mum about how we're excluding her from our Christmas plans. She's 27, we've been together 20 years and she and her mum still like to cause trouble whenever they can.

Although my dbro and his gf might not come now because we've said they can't bring her 2 giant dogs into our house.

They can all just fuck off tbh, I'm past caring.

Babasghost · 23/12/2022 23:13

Hugs to everyone facing stress this week. Strength And peace to you.

I'm struggling. I'm single and just not in any of my family or freinds top 5. I've travelled to my parents house 500miles, but they are busy with church and other family where there is no room for me. I'm sad and lonely. Trying to decide if it's better to be at home me and the dogs or here feeling so hurt.

I think we get sold a dream of perfect , rich and loving family and romantic partners which makes it hard to get through the hurt and stress of reality. I count my blessings that my parents are alive, but I long for a more supportive fun family and a loving partner. Because it's lonely and stressful.
Hugs to all

marvellousmaple · 23/12/2022 23:15

Love to you @5YearsLeft . You sound so lovely . What a shit situation though. Do you have someone in Scotland that could help with getting info about the medications you need? Just a thought.

My minor drama is that I was going to do a last minute tidy and clean and I got up this morning and promptly tripped over a stair ( landed head first in a bag of dog food which was nice) and now I ache all over. Now I can't clean up before family arrives, though thinking about it......

marvellousmaple · 23/12/2022 23:18

Madsciencecovid2020 · 23/12/2022 20:23

So not so much a drama as a family avoidance plan required and support for send child. I have spent 4 weeks recovering from covid and various complications and so made a choice to avoid family. We have had 4 years of non stop family medical emergencies and battles with local authority for send support for youngest child .Our daughter has been having tests and today we got the bombshell- stage 4 cancer! Fuck me that's a Christmas fun sponge right there. Husband is now saying I need to manage expectations of youngest child with complex needs as Christmas won't be like normal. Husband is in pieces about daughters diagnosis and I face another year of supporting and managing daughter and her treatment whilst also supporting him whilst he doesn't cope!! I have had to cope for 4 years and do everything with no one supporting me and I am damned if I am ruining all of Christmas for my youngest. We plan to avoid most of extended family so that we don't fun sponge their Christmas- also a win as its always stressful!! Fuck me life needs to stop with the lemons as Iam drowning in lemonade

I'm so sorry about your daughters diagnosis. Feck everyone else. Just do what you can. Best wishes that things go as well as possible.

PopUpMoon · 24/12/2022 00:11

I usually spend Christmas just me and DDs, then swan off to a fellow single mother friend who hosts adults only Christmas Day Evenings (and they are glorious) when ExH has picked them up.

But I’m having a break from the norm this year. ExPILs are away, ExH currently has no working kitchen (builders Xmas Angry), teen DDs are fed up of having their Christmas Day rushed/chopped in half, we’ve been divorced a looooong time and it genuinely wasn’t a horrible split.

So ExH arrived here today, along with his big, stupid, fluffy, well trained, fucking adorable and I want her dog. I promptly handed him the Hoover and the instructions for the steam mop, and stole the dog for a long ramble around the village and along some trails I’ve been saving to ramble with her Xmas Grin

He’s always hosted by his parents or his sister so I don’t think he actually has a clue how much actually goes into Christmas Eve/Day, but he’s gonna learn this year.

My Dad attempted to send me a Christmas card, via my elderly Grandparents (I moved areas last year and haven’t given him my address).

We fell out (a long time coming) in Summer 2020 when his current wife launched into yet another drunken tirade at me (having not visited their home for c.4 years due to this sort of behaviour) and it was just the final straw.

He hasn’t even sent his only GDs so much as a fucking birthday card since but chooses this year to send me a Christmas card. I told GPs I was far too busy to drive a 2hr 30min round trip to pick up a card but that I would collect it at my planned visit to them in mid January. It’ll be going straight in the bin, unopened.

He’s always been a shit, disengaged, disinterested father with a string of increasingly vile wives and I’ve always made excuses for him.

Hopefully that’s all the drama I will get because I had a childhood full of it at Christmas thanks to him.