If you do the four gift rule…

[YouFilthyAnimal]

How do you differentiate between the ‘want’ and the ‘need’?
Surely all children need a certain amount of toys for development and just for something to do so how do you decide which is a want and which is a need?

My 7 year old would tell you that he needs a new monster truck so he can race it against his other one, of course he doesn’t need It in a ‘would die without it’ sense but to him it’s a pretty big need - so need or want?
Is it whether the child seems it a need or the adult deems it a need?

If your child’s bike has broken, they play on it almost daily, so you’re getting a new one; want or need?
If they have used up all the felt tips and paper so you’re buying more; want or need?
All of one child’s friends are playing a certain game together on the Pc and he’s feeling left out and it’s affecting friendships, so you buy him the game - want or need?
The school moves all homework online to an app so you buy them an iPad, they can also play games on the iPad so want or need??

Also what if you have 2 DC and one needs a new bike but one only needs new socks, surely you don’t buy one child a ‘want’ plus a bike and one child a ‘want’ plus a pair of socks??

Also the ‘need’ one if you say you take it down to the very basics - shouldn’t you be providing your child with those anyway and not calling them gifts?
If my child happens to go up a shoe size in December I’m not going to buy them school shoes for Xmas, it’s my job to provide them with clothes that fit anyway, also what if then another child goes up a size in January - they get shoes just because but the other child had to count is as an Xmas present?

I just don’t know how you differentiate??

You're overthinking this 😂

@Beamur 😂😂😂 I do tend to do that!

I think you’re overthinking it 😆

You're overthinking, but also, that's why it's a silly rule IMO.

Just set a budget for presents and pick within that.

The ‘want’ present should just be a little more exciting than the ‘need’ present, that’s all.

It's not a rule, it's a suggestion. A prompt.

People seem to struggle with understanding that!

"Need" could be a character lunchbox, snuggly blanket etc. Pencil case. Think the idea is to think more practically than the sheer "want" as that's covered already.

Agree you are overthinking it!

I suppose in practice "Need= thing parent thinks child should want.
Whereas Want= thing the child themself wants.

So I would buy this years faddish "must have" toy that my kid had begged me for. Even though I suspect it will get played with for 10 minutes and then forgotten about. That's a "want present"

But I would also buy the boring "educational" toy thats less exciting to open. But I think they'll get hours of use out of it. That's the "need" present.

Bloody hell you’re over thinking. I don’t do this but surely people just use it as a vague guide, they don’t follow it slavishly?
Are you actually thinking of doing it, or just questioning the concept?

It's only a guideline, the only person who decides the appropriate presents is you! Nobody will come tell you off if they don't need their need present enough or whether the categories overlap.

Generally the need present is supposed to be a bit more practical, but that doesn't mean that it needs to be something that they don't want. A new piece of kit for a hobby, a bike to replace one nearly outgrown, upgraded art supplies. That kind of thing. Want is the piece of tat that they've been begging for.

Of course you wouldn't buy vastly uneven sets of gifts in order to fit more rigidly into the categories. Nobody would. It's just a guideline to help you not go mad and overbuy.

erm, I think you are massively other thinking this. The four gift rule is just an idea for people to adopt, it is not compulsory. I think best for you to avoid the idea as it is not sitting well with you.

It's just a guide to help you buy some things that will be used and fulfill a need, rather than lots of similar 'want' toys. I find it helps me to balance it out so my DD's 'wants' are all character toys from tv shows (small toy packs). I know she'll love these for imaginary play so I've bought all her wants but I also want to balance this with a wider range of things developmentally so she's also getting a new scooter because she's grown out of the old one, a range of lovely craft materials (upgrades on the basics we normally top up) and a new school bag and lunch box in a pretty design as her current one was just a basic cheap one. She'll still love the 'need' things but hasn't specially asked for them.

I tended to link the "want" and "need" presents together when DD was young. As an example one year she wanted roller skates so she got those, but she also got all the PPE that she needed to go with it.

The school moves all homework online to an app so you buy them an iPad, they can also play games on the iPad so want or need??

I would class the iPad as a need as they need it for school work, the games are a want as it's not essential to have them.

We do this as it helps me organise presents and we don't overbuy for the sake of it then.
So example this year, they all need pjs. It's a definite need. So the gift is pjs x2 pairs, with fluffy socks and bath bits just to make it a bit more exciting to open. Then the wear is an outfit they have either chose themselves or for the younger ones I just like.
They all then choose a gift they want. So whether that's playmobil set or Lego or electrical like a kindle.
The read is whatever bookset/comics/puzzle books/arts and craft mags etc that they have asked for.

I then leave their other ideas off their lists for the family members who ask for ideas and it works really well. They get basically what they've asked for spread out over everyone and it's not too much pressure on me and people aren't buying something for the sake because there's no ideas left of things they would actually like.

If that all makes sense.

Ok ok we all agree I’m an over thinker 😁

Tbh I don’t know anyone who does this rule or has even heard of it in real life, I’ve only ever seen it on MN so yes, I did think people just bought 4 presents that were specific to the rule and didn’t just use it as a rough guide to make sure presents were varied and may buy 2 or 3 wants plus a need, plus 5 books etc, as, well, I thought that’s how everyone just bought gifts anyway? Making sure there’s a variety and not just 10 peppa pig sets and nothing else 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t worry I won’t be adopting this rule myself, clearly it confuses me 😂

This just highlight the stupidness of the poem... people dont treat 'need' as needs just another 'want' so why not just say 'I get my kids 4 gifts they want' rather than a twee poem that you don't even actually stick too because its stupid.

Need litrally means 'require something because it is essential or important rather than desirable.' or 'circumstance in which something is a necessity'.

Neither of those things apply to monster truck toys, paper and kids bicycles.

The only one thats possibly a need is an item to access homework online (because school is a legal requirement) in which case thats your job to provide (or a battle to fight with the school).

Agree with PPs, remember it's all in the context of Christmas presents specifically. It's a guide for rounding out gifting IMO, so that the recipient gets a nice range of gifts.

E.g.
Want - a longed for or asked for gift, regardless of whether it fits in the other categories or not, or an surprise with wow factor
Need - something that has some kind of practical use; a lovely snuggly blanket, a special set of hobby items, a beautiful art set
Wear - really cool sparkly outfit, heelys trainers, football boots
Read - an annual, a novel by their favourite author, an illustrated edition of their favourite book, a fun/activity/choose your own adventure book

Plus where in the poem does it strictly say you are limited to just one item from each category 😉

I agree op, I bloody hate the saying every time I see it I 🙄 It’s the same with those who jog out the constant tat comments 🥱

My DCs will have things from the saying but I certainly don’t base my shopping on it. Christmas and birthdays is about what they want. They will get clothes as I don’t think their is anything wrong with giving clothes, but they will be clothes I may not be able to justify buying normally, example 2 of my DDs will be getting quite a bit of branded sports wear, but it’s also a want from them. And to be honest they don’t actually need any of it, I will be culling their current clothes supply to make room for the new stuff. Same with the reading, the books they have are to go with their want gifts, how to books to go with presents. My 5yo is getting a story book I know she wants and they get the traditional annuals. In fact, now I’m thinking about it I don’t think they have anything they actually need at all.

I didn’t even mean to follow this rule but I somehow have done this year😂 DS seems to play in and enjoy his room much more the less stuff he has in there, so I’ve done a huge declutter and I’m only buying him a few books, some outdoor balls (we lost all his in summer so he needs some more, I’ve splashed out on some god quality balls and a personalised ball bag since it’s for Christmas), some cosy pjs and then I’m hoping to get at least one toy but he keeps telling me that there’s nothing he wants as he already has all his favourite things.

OP, I get what you mean: stereotypically, people quote it as a guide they follow in a “look at me being non-consumerist” way...and then include latest iPhone or Switch or whatever as a “need”. And obviously lots of people will buy the add-ons to a gift (eg. a game to go with the Switch) anyway!

My DD has never been interested in clothes, so anything to wear would be better bought in the January sales - she wouldn’t care if it was pink and glittery or sludge brown.

It just strikes me as meaningless.

Not sure why anyone is so bothered about what other people buy their kids and whether they follow any general rules for doing so?

I don't follow the rule but it's just a guide to reduce over-consumerism imo, not something to be obsessed about. No one will check up on you!

Fwiw I would view a bike and an ipad as a need if you needed them to get to school /do your homework. But a want if they were for the odd play-ride and computer games.

I wouldn't buy one child a bike and the other socks because surely you'd try and have a similar budget for both kids. So the need might be a bike and socks, but the want might be a yo-yo and a Switch for example, to balance out.

In terms of getting a need as a gift which you should be providing anyway - I view it more as either something that is practical but not really essential (so a "practical want" I suppose). So in the school shoe case, maybe I'd buy the designer ones he wanted rather than the bog standard ones.

I haven't followed the rule, but did get 4 gifts. Things I might get as a 'need' - bath bombs, something for a hobby , new paints , pencils, pens, new box of play doh cause their current pots are a bit dried up or all brown!

Want - something small from her santa list actually we are doing 2 items this year
Need - something she needs (new paper pens etc)
Wear - Xmas pjs sized up for next year
Read - new book (obviously)

I dont just stick to this, she gets about 5 or 6 other small items in her stocking. Our present is seperate and is usually the bigger item.

I just use it as a guide.

Decided to make up my own 4 gift poem
Something they want
Something to build (lego)
Something to play (board game)
Something to take outside (skipping rope).

Reckon it will take off ? 🤣 don't worry about a poem, just get what you think is best!

I'm doing
Want - A drum
Need - first shoes
Wear - cocomelon pjs
Read - a book and teddy set

But then I also buy loads of other things as they're just from santa 🤷‍♀️