Bloody DH - spoiled surprises.

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Firstly I know, there are bigger things, war in Ukraine, COL crisis and so on, but I'm feeling a bit hormonal and sorry for myself today, having got up to feed the cat this morning and found that DH had left the shopping he did while I was out yesterday on the side in the kitchen, with his gifts for me plainly on show.

He tried to pass one of them off as being for his Sister, until I pointed out that we do presents with them before Christmas, so if he's bluffing I'll still know when she opens her present.

It's very far from the end of the world, and I appreciate I'm lucky to be gifted lovely things when others have nothing, I just wanted a little self-indulgent moan at his carelessness really, since it's caused the only surprises I receive to be spoiled (Parents give cash and we don't really do presents with anyone else).

DH is apologetic but that doesn't make me un-see them!

In general is it thought that part of buying Christmas presents is also putting them out of sight?

Or is that just some silliness that only women do?

You’re being totally daft, prepare yourself for the you are lucky to get a present crew arriving
They’ll tell you how they are happy with a fetid dishrag happy in the knowledge they are loved. They eschew all materialistic fripperies and are the better for it
you on other hand are a materialistic and shallow husk who will be surrounded by expensive tat in your empty life

I completely get it but you’ll get no sympathy on here as women should have tinfoil and haribo engagement rings and you should be GRATEFUL for whatever petrol station shite you get panic-bought as a gift

‘safe and reliable’ sounds like he’s put zero thought into it anyway, and can’t keep the surprise up and running

Good gift giving is very important to me. I love making my family and loved ones feel special on their birthdays and Christmas with a carefully chosen present, and I like a similar amount of thought given to my own happiness.

I think you are being a bit over the top

To be honest just put it to the back of your head. You will likely have forgotten by the time Xmas day comes. The less time you spend thinking about it the more likely you are to forget. And it's still presents that he has thought of for you.

I think a surprise is nice, but its not the be all and end all. I also don't buy that you processed what you were seeing and remember everything in the bags before you realised they were your presents.

a materialistic and shallow husk who will be surrounded by expensive tat in your empty life

Might make that my Tinder Bio when I LTB.

@CarPoor If I could recreate the scene and show you how they were displayed I would, but he's now hidden them. Stable door / bolted etc.

@CarPoor

bloody hell, I have bad brain fog and can easily forget what I went into a room for, but even I would be making an urgent GP appointment if I forgot what was in the bag in a fortnight!!

@QueSyrahSyrah

I love a surprise! I'd be very disappointed too! Does he know how much you love the surprise? Oh well, he can go & find sone small surprises to add to your gift this year and learn not to do it again!!

It all depends on what he’s like otherwise. Yes it’s nice that he choose you gifts, however it’s also understandable that you’d welcome the surprise.
if he’s usually considerate I’d let this go. However if it makes up a bigger picture of an imbalanced relationship then I’d get why it’d irk you.

Yeah if you write a whole thread about it and spend time thinking about it of course you won't forget

But if you glance think "oh shit those are my Christmas presents" and put it to the back of your head you can easily forget. And by Christmas morning it's a relative surprise. I always do this with presents I've asked for so it's still exciting to open.

Well it was still a surprise, just one you got today rather than on Christmas day. Does it really matter?

I hate surprises so possibly not the best person for this though.

I'm sorry for your loss but that still does not mean someone else's DH doing the bare minimum means she should consider herself very lucky.

Maybe @Mischance is trying to help the op realise what a non-event this is.

sorry for your loss, @Mischance 💐

I know exactly what I’m getting. This year’s actually an improvement because usually I have to say what I want and send him a link.

I understand op snd the chippy replies you're getting are unfair. My husband and I probably know 50% of the presents we are getting - a mixture of things we want and surprises. It takes a minimum of effort to sneak things into the house and hide them away.

I wouldn't be furious but I would roll my eyes a bit at the lack of thought.

Well quite. That was my thought too. I've trained DH well

At this time of the year there are always bags of stuff around so snooping is not good.
When I was due to retire I was looking in the garage for something that had rolled under something else, etc etc, I pulled stuff to one side that had never moved in years to find it and there. well hidden. was the steamer chair I'd always wanted. I never mentioned it and feigned delight when I got home on my last day and it was there with a bottle champagne of a table. He never knew I'd known.

Jeez, get a grip.
I’d love it if DH left my pressies out to be discovered as I like to know exactly what I’m getting.

Unless this speaks to a bigger picture of your DH not caring about you or doing things to upset you on purpose, then you are being a very spoilt madam and need to get some perspective!

I get it. I put in lots of effort to surprise DH with my gifts to him. Not high value gifts but thoughtful. I always hope others would put that much thought into me. I don’t want my gifts to just be thrown on the side without effort to hide them. It seems to indicate I’m not worth the effort.

I get you OP. It’s not the gifts, it’s the lack of effort to hide them/make Christmas a surprise like you do for him.

It was so obvious that this was going to be the general theme of the replies, that I wonder what the OP hoped to get from starting the thread.

Validation? OK then - yes, I get it, it must have been really disappointing for you.

I feel your pain, my DP has got me a printable voucher but had it emailed to me not him! Still, I have had enough Xmas morning shocks to be relieved I don't have to practice my delighted face 😂

@ComfortablyDazed Since you ask, I've been playing MN cliche bingo with the replies, you've just given me a line with 'what did you want from the thread'.

I only need a LTB and someone to suggest he's got an undiagnosed condition for a full house.

Definitely LTB and have you considered he might be on the spectrum?!

BINGO

OP YANBU. If you do have a DH or DP, I think it's reasonable to expect a little thoughtfulness at Christmas, and that includes putting gifts away so they can't be seen easily!

I get the point that you are lucky to have a DH you love / who loves you - I get a pang every year reading threads like this as I'm a single parent & as we've agreed no Kris Kindle in my family, there's no unexpected gift to come. My DC are great in fairness & will have got me something little & thoughtful (they use their pocket money so I insist on a limit). My ex was a terrible person - but was great at presents! Very glad he's an ex (and he ruined many Christmases) but I did like the gifts!

Do you never buy someone a gift that they've asked for, OP? Keeping his gifts at your place of work is not something I'd do, that's a bit over the top! Still, you may get one surprise as he'll probably give at least one gift to his sister now.

I'm with you OP. My DP always somehow lets me know what I'm getting for Christmas. I'm not greedy l don't care what l get. But l just want a surprise. When l pointed this out last week, l was asked what surprise l want🙄. I don't care put some thought into it and don't tell me.im an adult l can buy anything l need just bloody surprise me🤣🙄🙄