Bloody DH - spoiled surprises.

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Firstly I know, there are bigger things, war in Ukraine, COL crisis and so on, but I'm feeling a bit hormonal and sorry for myself today, having got up to feed the cat this morning and found that DH had left the shopping he did while I was out yesterday on the side in the kitchen, with his gifts for me plainly on show.

He tried to pass one of them off as being for his Sister, until I pointed out that we do presents with them before Christmas, so if he's bluffing I'll still know when she opens her present.

It's very far from the end of the world, and I appreciate I'm lucky to be gifted lovely things when others have nothing, I just wanted a little self-indulgent moan at his carelessness really, since it's caused the only surprises I receive to be spoiled (Parents give cash and we don't really do presents with anyone else).

DH is apologetic but that doesn't make me un-see them!

How low is your bar? Seriously.

And now the 'it is your fault you looked' brigade. Because it will always be the women's fault. Not the precious man who left out her presents for her to see.

When we have so many women defending men for their incompetence there is such a long road ahead.

Gosh I didn't think I was going to need a diagram. It was a bag like this and they were right on the top, on the kitchen side beside the cat bowls. By the time I'd realised what I was looking at it was too late, otherwise I wouldn't have! I'm never one to dig around or deliberately sneak at gifts.

I think it’s just that a grown woman (or man! Just a grown up of any description), getting annoyed because they’ve sneakily seen what they got for Christmas is just kind of ridiculous to some of us. Yes, he was thoughtless to leave it out in the side, but so what? It’s also not about lowering the bar for men, either. It could be either sex in this scenario.

In a sea of shit that some people (most people?) are living in right now a little surprise for Christmas is nice to have. It isn't a race to the bottom FFS.

@BrutusMcDogface Who's annoyed? As I said in the OP I'm a bit disappointed and I fully appreciate that's self-indulgent of me.

I could be a bit disappointed here in real life; make DH feel bad for not really having done anything wrong and ruin both our days, or I can have a little anonymous moan here instead, get it off my chest and no harm done.

Fair enough!

That aside a little, it’s grating on me that other posters are automatically turning it into a battle of the sexes. To be honest, I could just as easily leave presents on the side and forget about them 🤷🏻‍♀️

@QueSyrahSyrah he’ll just have to get at least one more surprise gift for you then, won’t he! If the budget is tight then just let him know they don’t need to be extravagant. No harm done, and tell him to put whatever he orders AWAY so the same thing doesn’t happen again.

YANBU. Nice to get you gifts but thoughtless not to hide them. Sort of ruins the fact he got them at all.

Oh @QueSyrahSyrah I know what you mean - it’s sweet of him to buy you the gifts but it’s just that little bit of effort to hide them from you! My DH bought me a gift the other day and left in under his coat that he had thrown on the living room floor (!) so I found it when I went to hang up his coat 🤦🏻‍♀️ Try and forget about them and hopefully you will still be surprised come Christmas Day x

My OH is a late OH - I would give anything to have presents of any sort from him.

You didn't have to look. If it had been me I'd have said 'are those presents for me over there because if you are you'd better put them away before I see them'. You're making a big deal out of this.

It takes 2 minutes to put something away, I would have been really disappointed if I'd seen gifts in advance.

No matter what age you are, unless you are choosing a gift together, part of the excitement is the 'not knowing' build up.

It's not being spolied or ungrateful, it's disappointment at a ruined surprise.

I can't remember the last time I had a surprise gift, probably when I still believed in Santa.

Honestly, not the end of the world.

As I said upthread @cyrila by the time my bleary with sleep brain realised what I was looking at it was too late to un-see them. If they'd been under something or in a closed bag I'd not have looked.

I did post this on the generally light-hearted Christmas topic, not AIBU or relationships!

@Jimmyneutronsforehead You do realise there is space between 'everything being fine' and 'end of the world'?

The op is a bit pissed off at the carelessness of her husband when he could have easily hidden some things up so she had a surprise. Not too much to ask imo.

I'd troll him. I'd go and fetch them and wrap them up for his sister, get them under the tree. 😂

This happened with me yesterday, in reverse. I left DH presents on the back seat of the car where he wouldn’t find them. Then he went and de-iced my car without telling me! He told me he’d seen them and we laughed it off. Still annoying though 😂

Women don’t half moan about presents - either they’ve not got one because their DP is crap (buy your own or dump him), or they have but it’s not what they wanted (as before), or they’ve seen it ahead of Christmas and the ‘surprise’ is ruined (seriously you’re not 7?) or it doesn’t arrive until after Christmas so there’s nothing to open ‘on the day’ (as before). Strewth.

Oh dear. Never mind. He’s just going to have to buy you something else now, isn’t he 😀

I find the suggestion in some of these replies that adults shouldn't ever have surprises a bit joyless to be honest

If you know in advance what every present you receive is, is there really a point in exchanging them at all? Just buy your own stuff and have other people buy theirs, reserve gifts entirely for Children.

Life is tough enough at times without sucking the fun from everything just because 'adult'.

As an aside my Grandmother used to choose, and indeed buy, all of her presents from my Grandad and give them to him to wrap, so she could then open them on Christmas Day. I always found it a weird charade.

If buying Christmas presents for your wife means she's VERY LUCKY then your bar for partners is REALLY REALLY low.

^This. The whole 'Aww bless, he's clearly just not good at presents and stuff. At least he tried!" thing on MN never ceases to amaze me. It's not that hard. And neither is bothering to put them away until Christmas/birthday. No, it's not the end of the world. But a little thoughtfulness twice a year surely isn't that much to ask?

Yes I totally get it. I know my gift this year because the box arrived with the packaging on the outside. I pretended I hadn't seen it, but I was disappointed I had seen it. I love surprises, and there aren't many to get when older and I don't get many gifts. This one is on the company that sent it not covering the box though.

I think here talking is the main thing. Just say how lovely and how you love surprises.
I once bought DH a chocolate orange as a surprise as the other presents we had discussed, and at the time we bought things we would buy , needed anyway as we did not have money to spare. But he had had a chocolate orange as all through his young years he always had a chocolate orange. It was £1 from Tesco. But it made him smile

It all feels like unnecessary drama to me. DH had never bought me a Xmas or birthday gift , I wouldn’t trust him to . Just wine and cash to choose something myself thanks . Even DS5 picked his own Xmas stuff and watched me order it because I hate waste almost as much as I hate surprises.
having said that , even if you’re the sentimental , romantic , surprise me type person ( nowt wrong with that) there’s every chance he’ll now add something you haven’t seen to the pile and you’ll get an extra gift because you spotted the first lot So it’s probably a win for you.