Only me buying presents for dd

[lollipoprainbow]

Christ I've just come from a thread detailing what people have got for their kids for Christmas and feel very inadequate! I thought I'd got lots but they put me to shame. It's just me and my dd with no family so I have to overcompensate. Made me sad on this thread to see that not only were the kids getting tons from their parents but also gifts from aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. Something my dd could only dream of.

It really isn't about volume of presents. Your daughter will appreciate your presents and you. Kids who get loads of presents struggle to remember them all afterwards. I know mine did when they were younger.
Now they're older (18 and 16) they're more interested in spending time with us and less interested in how many or how much.
I'm not knocking people whose kids get a lot of presents, I used to buy mine far too much.
My dad died before Xmas a long time ago and I completely overcompensated and went crazy.

The fact that you care about your daughter, means you're a great mum. Not all kids are lucky enough to have that.

Why do you feel inadequate? You’ve said yourself you thought you’d got “lots” so it sounds like your dd will get plenty of nice gifts and no doubt she’ll be delighted. Yes, some dc have extended family who will also buy for them but so what? You can’t magic up generous relatives, that’s not something to feel inadequate about.

I get it op, I’m a single parent to 4 and only I buy for them (no family and ex not involved) I do feel a lot of pressure being the only one buying especially when so many have loads of extended family that buy for their kids! It’s hard being the only one.

I sort of know what you mean. My DC will get money from their grandma but otherwise it's just what DH and I get them - we have no other family that's close enough to buy presents. But that's how it's always been and my DC don't know any different. They say they love Christmas and look forward to it with excitement and happiness (I'm paraphrasing) so that will do me.

Your daughter won’t remember what she got for Christmas in few years time and it won’t even matter- what will matter is her memories of Christmas and how she felt. She doesn’t need lots of presents for it to be magical. What she will remember is waking to find a stocking on her bed, coming down and seeing presents unwrapping them in her pjs whilst the food is starting to cook. She will remember the Christmas films that you snuggled and watched whilst eating popping corn and the Xmas games and hats!

she doesn’t need presents- she just needs her mum

I get it, I have a dh but we are the only ones to buy presents for our dc and they are now older teens. I can honestly say they have always been happy with what they receive and would tell you not to worry

Don't worry OP, I'm the same. Ex can't be bothered to go shopping and has no clue what ds would like anyway. The things I do to make Christmas special for my DS....

• Home make a yule log, his favourite, while he watches me try to roll the sponge cake.😀 Our Christmas tradition....
• Decorate his bedroom while he's asleep so he wakes up to fairy lights, Christmas throw and cushions, tiny Christmas tree etc. It creates a bit of magic. Thank goodness he sleeps like a log. 😊
• Have a special Christmas breakfast - ds thinks pain au chocolat are the height of sophistication this year.
• Buy him one or two big presents that he has asked for, and then fill the space with little things - new pjs, gloves, sweets, new headphones for his computer, bike accessories, this year a mini-Bopit etc.

If you watch kids at Christmas, they usually pick one or two presents and ignore the rest, so if you get it right, your dd won't even notice.

I noticed that my children have the best time when they get around 6 gifts. They appreciate them and are excited. Beyond that their behaviour drops and they become overwhelmed.

If’s fine and normal to only get a handful of gifts. Don’t worry about comparisons. x

I used to wrap up things like new pyjamas, a book, colouring pencils or felt tips alongside DS's main present. I didn't have the money for multiple £20-£30 toys. You can get many nice books in very good or excellent condition for £3 on ebay. I've sourced DS whole, matching edition, hardback sets this way.

Charity shops are good for cheap books etc.
I think it's better not to go overboard.
I really hope the Facebook photos if the piles aren't there this year. So many are struggling I find it crass.

I by my DC 3 presents for their birthdays and they are SO excited. They actually open and play with them too because there aren't so many!

I understand We have very very little family buying for our DC too. DP has no family at all on his side, I only have my mum who will also buy a small token thing on behalf of sibling but apart from that, it all falls on me. We don't buy gifts throughout the year so really want to get them some wow things on Christmas.

It sounds like you've done really well for your DD. Kids don't compare the way we do and the way we think they do. Unless they're literally there opening 2 small things next to a child who's opening a mountain of gifts, they really aren't going to care. I also get new essential things like pajamas, stationery, cute toiletries. In fact I wouldn't consider it Christmas without them!

Kids also don't understand the value of money. One of my DC has a pack of toy cars that cost £10 from Smyths, I know it will be one of his favourite gifts and it's a big one too!

It's just not worth comparing what others do. Some people simply have more disposable income. Remember it's you dreaming of your DD having all that stuff, not her. My DD looks forward to the activities and fun on Christmas, the gifts are a nice bonus.

If you need ideas for gifts to "bulk out" the pile a bit, I recommend things like cupcake kits (£1 - £2 in supermarkets) sticker books, cheap craft kits from the Works or similar, and primark for cute things like bath bombs, lip balms etc.

Take heed of those of us saying that a handful is a good number. I was freaking out a bit this year too as the actual number of gifts for my DC seems quite small, and not all of them are toys, but I know I've put a lot of thought in and I'm sure they'll be pleased as punch when they open them!

So many are struggling I find it crass
I do too, particularly this year, many won't have the spare cash even if they had saved through the year, because of the cost of food and gas. Yet on MN you get accused of being MC if you don't have a lot to spend at Christmas!

Our dd gets a stocking and one main present from Father Christmas, we don't buy her anything else. She does get from grandparents too but they also tend mot to go crazy and know we appreciate some clothes and other useful bits as part of that. It sounds like your dd will have a lovely Christmas, it really isn't about the number or cost of presents but choosing something they will love.

OP I avoid those kinds of threads. They are full of crass people who want to brag. Better a few presents that your daughter will love and use than a big pile of stuff that will end up thrown to one side and eventually in landfill. More importantly she will have you and spending a nice day together is what she will remember when she is older.

My DC only get gifts from one of our siblings, the other 5 we are lucky to get a card. They are tight not skint. My DC are now 19/23 and I still do a little stocking because of this. We have no parents or aunts/uncles left. I am use to it now but it was hurtful. Your son will appreciate what you do for him. Huge piles of presents in this climate is just daft and distasteful to those who have little. Show your son a good example and let him put a £5 in a collection tin, more if you can afford it.

Please don't worry - my children have only ever received presents from me and DH - my parents give them money (I stopped bothering to buy presents with their money years ago as it was too stressful) and that's it - they are all adults now and it's never been an issue

Kids don't compare the way we do and the way we think they do. Unless they're literally there opening 2 small things next to a child who's opening a mountain of gifts, they really aren't going to care.

I think this is something that we forget as adults. I’ve never known a child to compare what they received to a child in another household. Whenever I’ve talked to a DN/friends DCs or listened to my own DC chatting on the phone on Xmas day with their similarly aged cousins, what’s always struck me is that they tell each other the most exciting one or two things they got. And by “most exciting” I mean exciting to that child which could be the bike or console but may well be the yo-yo or torch they got in their stocking with an oh yeah, I forgot! when their mum in the background reminds them about the big ticket gift . If I asked my DC what their friends got the answer would be Umm [name one thing that was mentioned]….dunno. Adults overthink volume and value way more than children do.

It really isn’t about presents though.
we are not practising Christian’s but we decorate a small tree that our two kids have made decorations for over the years as well as bits and pieces we have bought. There will be a small present from Santa that they have asked for and one present from me and one from my husband. Other than that we have told both kids the Christmas holidays is about spending time with family and thinking about other people. We always do a clear out before December and anything in good condition: their clothes, toys and books is donated. We always get them to think about food banks this time of year and they are encouraged to think about what we can buy and donate. The Christmas holidays will be spent in kitchen baking, watching films, playing games and we try to take the kids to a pantomime or light show like at Kenwood House in London (this year it was not good). Please don’t compare yourself to others. If your kids are happy, loved and well cared for that’s the best thing. Xx

I haven't seen the threads, but mine will have about 10 gifts each under the tree, 5 from us. Plus a stocking. I don't think that is particularly excessive. The gifts bought from others are all relatively cheap as none of us are well off. Think £1 selection boxes, craft sets bought on offer at the works, maybe £5 for a book or DVD, no family buying excessive gifts here. I know some grandparents buy things like toy kitchens, bikes or things that may be considered big ticket items. I don't think mine have ever got a gift over £10 from family. You've said you thought you bought a lot, so possibly yours won't be the only ones with around that amount of presents each.

I get it OP. I used to feel so stressed having to buy everything. Now my DS is an adult none of the stuff even exists anymore.

If I could go back in time I wouldn't be so stressed or buy so much. Your DD will have a wonderful Christmas!

I understand OP, I use to feel the same about my DDs. They do get gifts from DHs family, DGP, DA & DU, sometimes if we see them, sometimes sent. But nothing from my side or Godparents and we don’t have the type of friendships where we buy for each other’s DCs. And there is no big fuss made about them like in other families from Aunts and Uncles, which pisses me off sometimes because I was that Aunt who spoiled her DNs rotten and my siblings couldn’t even be bothered with my DC.

But, they are happy and they don’t need it. We make the fuss about them and yes I definitely over compensate for the lack of my side of the family, but to be honest, they don’t miss what they have never had.

Honestly, I think there is a lot of excessive level of present giving at Christmas with a whole lot of advertising pressure to spend money that people will be paying back in January. We could be described as very comfortably off and I have never bought my children anywhere near the level of gifts people sometimes list. We have lost 3 out of 4 grandparents in the last five years or so and I do miss that family element.

Honestly your DD will remember a few special gifts throughout the years and all the lovely times you spent together.

If you have the means to overcompensate that’s fine, if it’s a stretch don’t.

In our house DC3 is substantially younger than their adult siblings. We overcompensate with festive family activities like panto, light walks, Christmas market, baking, ice skating, afternoon tea etc. When our DC talk of christmases past this is what comes up, not ‘the year we got so many gifts’.

Kids don’t need a lot of presents. Just a couple of things is fine. What they do need is plenty of magic, fun and time spent with family and friends.