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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Only me buying presents for dd

56 replies

lollipoprainbow · 11/12/2022 09:43

Christ I've just come from a thread detailing what people have got for their kids for Christmas and feel very inadequate! I thought I'd got lots but they put me to shame. It's just me and my dd with no family so I have to overcompensate. Made me sad on this thread to see that not only were the kids getting tons from their parents but also gifts from aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. Something my dd could only dream of.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 11/12/2022 14:11

Do not compensate! My parents only ever gave my kids one gift each and my in laws usually £20 for their savings account. Rarely got anything from any other relatives (my sisters are pretty good but they live abroad). And thank goodness! I don't want to be getting loads of gifts for other people!
My kids didn't know how many presents other families had, so don't even try to match. Why should you? Teach your daughter it's quality over quantity.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 11/12/2022 14:27

I'm not sure I understand your thinking.

You've bought your DD "lots."
You've seen strangers online claiming they've bought their children more.

What's the problem? Even if these people are telling the truth, they are nothing to do with you.

If I'd bought DTwins a lot of presents, I would know I'd bought them a lot. If I subsequently discovered the next door neighbour had bought their child double, what on earth has that got to do with me?

It's very keep up with the Joneses.

lollipoprainbow · 11/12/2022 14:29

@TwinsAndTiramisu missing my point but thanks for your comment anyway

OP posts:
caringcarer · 11/12/2022 14:38

You have each other. Time together doing fun little Xmas things is what your DC will remember. You are doing your best and she will know that.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 11/12/2022 14:47

Have I?

You've bought "lots."
Seen people buying much more.
Feel "inadequate" and "put to shame".

That's directly from your post.

Multipleexclamationmarks · 11/12/2022 15:19

I get it op.
We're in the same situation, no grandparents/aunts/uncles/random anybodys. People seem to struggle to comprehend that if i don't buy the stuff nobody else is.
But it's not really about the gifts is it, it's about the feeling that your kids are missing out on a wider family connection, loving relitives turning up bearing well anything really, and time, spending their time on your kids. But mine are teens now and looking back i don't think they even noticed. They don't miss what they never had, it's you that misses it, knowing it's not like this for everyone.
Don't worry, they'll be more than happy with what they have and you and your dh can be proud of all the care you have put into giving them the bast you can. x

lollipoprainbow · 11/12/2022 16:27

@TwinsAndTiramisu there's more to it than that, ie not having anyone else to buy for my dd. All the other posters here have got my point.

OP posts:
Rinatinabina · 11/12/2022 16:38

I actually don’t remember what I got for xmas at all. I do remember how miserable it was spending the day with my awful parents.

Sooo my suggestion is to park the guilt about stuff and focus on fun stuff you can do. Baking, gets some xmas type crafts (make your own bauble type of thing) have a decorate a gingerbread house competition, go see lights together hot chocolate and a xmas movie, special breakfast (google xmas pancakes, they look fab, if she’s old enough you could make them together).

mam0918 · 11/12/2022 19:10

I commented on that thread, my kids do get lots from me, mostly secondhand and under £150 per child... apart from me they only have 1 grandparent that buys for them.

Ignore the people saying its not about presents its about spending time with all the family (what a shitty ignorant thing to say on a thread of someone who just said they don't have anyone else) you DONT need lots of relatives to have an AMAZING christmas. We have a very tiny family and its just us at xmas and its perfect.

jevoudrais · 11/12/2022 19:18

I often feel like it cuts the middleman out to stop doing presents for friends and family. You're doing an exchange and myself and a few friends don't buy for each others children any more as it would literally be giving one to receive one, and this way I can just buy DD an extra present from me that I know she'll love. I don't have to worry about whether I have spent the same as someone else either.

I think it's really easy to doubt yourself and how much you buy. Easy to go over the top by peer pressure when you see FB posts too! I will avoid the thread mentioned 🙈

hiredandsqueak · 11/12/2022 19:19

My children are adults now and remember very few of the presents they received over the years. They do remember decorating the tree, baking together, the pantomimes, sledging and snowball fights, delivering Christmas cards around the village and driving out to see people's Christmas lights and the Christingle service though. I'd say it's the traditions rather than the presents that children hold dear as they become adults. Establish your own traditions that your child will remember as an adult and don't worry too much about piles of gifts.

ChristmasJoysuckers · 11/12/2022 21:38

How old is she?
Op we have a small family, people over seas/older now and those here , don't spoil DC.

It's always been me as well ( DH doesn't really do anything with present as he didn't get hardly anything). He doesn't get Xmas.

I feel the pressure, less so now as they are older.
However!! As pp said it's really not about presents they are the icing on the cake.
Age is a big factor.

Dreamwhisper · 12/12/2022 05:57

Thesearmsofmine · 11/12/2022 11:05

OP I avoid those kinds of threads. They are full of crass people who want to brag. Better a few presents that your daughter will love and use than a big pile of stuff that will end up thrown to one side and eventually in landfill. More importantly she will have you and spending a nice day together is what she will remember when she is older.

This is a horrible thing to say. It's the Christmas board, the topic is full of gift ideas which is useful for people to share. The nature of the the thread and the board it is posted on is made very clear from the outset so you don't have to click on it.

Automatically assuming that people are doing it just so random people on the internet who have no idea who they are think it sounds impressive is ridiculous.

I also use them to look at to start planning for next year by looking at the different ages, so I can spread the cost. I'd never heard of for example, posca pens or Oodies before joining the Christmas boards, it has been really useful.

Mumma · 12/12/2022 05:59

Children don't remember what they had for Christmas. They remember how you made them feel. The traditions and the time together. Being present is way more important than having presents xxxx

Brokendaughter · 12/12/2022 06:30

My son in theory gets presents from my sister, however sometimes that means he doesn't receive them until the following Easter/Late summer which she refuses to understand doesn't count as the previous Christmas to a small child.

Other years, he gets a gift voucher or she puts some money in my account.

My parents always just put money in my account, but that depended on what mood my mother was in so could be not enough to buy an annual one year or enough for something really big another.

Essentially, the only reliable presents he ever gets are from me.

What he remembers about all the Christmases though, isn't really the presents.
It's the decorating the tree together with the baubles he remembers we got when he was however old, or Scary Bear, our broken teddy who is supposed to read "The night before Christmas" but actually now shrieks & squeaks so loudly after his joints seized up one year, that you can't hear a word & have to shout to be heard while he's 'telling the story', or decorating the cake together & our Christmas Hot Chocolate with squirty cream, marshmallows & sprinkles etc..

I have been forbidden to attempt to fix Scary Bear & we now listen to him every Christmas Eve as he squeaks through the length of the story.

It's the whole thing you do around Christmas, the little traditions that they have year upon year with you, that are special to you, that mean more to a child than the actual presents as long as there is something under the tree or in a stocking.

It's quality of Christmas together, not quantity of presents that they remember most.
The tinsel, sparkly lights & snuggling up to watch a Christmas film mean more than another box with wrapping paper on to open & a room full of ripped paper.

reluctantbrit · 12/12/2022 07:41

DD only has grandparents who give one gift around th £20 mark unless it's a family gift like theatre tickets.

All other presents come from us. I don't think DD has any issues that she doesn't have a huge family to buy her presents. Yes, in therory I buy more but if there would be family I would farm out some of the presents to said family so the total would be the same.

Thesearmsofmine · 12/12/2022 10:04

Dreamwhisper · 12/12/2022 05:57

This is a horrible thing to say. It's the Christmas board, the topic is full of gift ideas which is useful for people to share. The nature of the the thread and the board it is posted on is made very clear from the outset so you don't have to click on it.

Automatically assuming that people are doing it just so random people on the internet who have no idea who they are think it sounds impressive is ridiculous.

I also use them to look at to start planning for next year by looking at the different ages, so I can spread the cost. I'd never heard of for example, posca pens or Oodies before joining the Christmas boards, it has been really useful.

I’m not sure if you ready my post? I said I purposely didn’t go onto those threads so I’m not sure why you are advising me not to click on it? I haven’t said anything bad about the Christmas board(I enjoy some of the posts) simply that the posts where people are writing full lists of gifts are crass imo.

You are naïve if you think people are sharing the huge lists on presents they are getting their dc to be useful. Mumsnet is full of people showing off to random strangers in the internet, be it the truth or exaggerated. The incomes, the large houses, the amount they spend on food, how gifted their dc are etc. I’m not sure why you think the Christmas list posts are any different.

Dreamwhisper · 12/12/2022 11:37

I'm the one who started that thread, it was made in the exact same sentiment as all the other threads saying the likes of "What presents would you get for a 5yo girl/14yo boy etc etc".

I do think it's horrible to say that those threads are full of crass braggers, of course it is 🙄

RoseBucket · 12/12/2022 11:43

I get it @lollipoprainbow its not about the amount of presents it’s the lack of people/family I felt the same you’d see children with presents from grandparents, Aunties, cousins etc and no amount of presents from me as the only parent felt it compensated that missing family involvement. My daughter is a teen now and must admit she has a boyfriend with a biggish family and although she didn’t notice as a child she does now.

Thesearmsofmine · 12/12/2022 13:24

Dreamwhisper · 12/12/2022 11:37

I'm the one who started that thread, it was made in the exact same sentiment as all the other threads saying the likes of "What presents would you get for a 5yo girl/14yo boy etc etc".

I do think it's horrible to say that those threads are full of crass braggers, of course it is 🙄

Clearly I have touched a nerve. I wouldn’t know if you had started that thread, as I have already said I avoid them and I am not alone in my (as valid as your) opinion in that kind of post.
Of course it’s crass to talk about how much you have bought even more so when there is a massive financial crisis happening and many people are sat shivering in their homes and missing meals, it’s the very definition of crass(meaning showing no sensitivity) and no matter what spirit it was posted in it leads to people like the OP feeling inadequate. I’m sure that wasn’t your intention but I’m actually not sure what you are trying to dispute here,

Thesearmsofmine · 12/12/2022 13:24

And I’m sorry OP for your thread being derailed.

mam0918 · 12/12/2022 13:39

Thesearmsofmine · 12/12/2022 13:24

Clearly I have touched a nerve. I wouldn’t know if you had started that thread, as I have already said I avoid them and I am not alone in my (as valid as your) opinion in that kind of post.
Of course it’s crass to talk about how much you have bought even more so when there is a massive financial crisis happening and many people are sat shivering in their homes and missing meals, it’s the very definition of crass(meaning showing no sensitivity) and no matter what spirit it was posted in it leads to people like the OP feeling inadequate. I’m sure that wasn’t your intention but I’m actually not sure what you are trying to dispute here,

Then over half the bloody posts on mumsnet are 'insensative', mumsnet is the home of 'I make £150k a year part time and cant afford to survive' threads so people sharing that they spend £150 on their kids at xmas and got the 10 thing is NOT showing off and perfectly fucking average which the thread shows.

This is a forum LITRALLY about xmas which means the majority of threads are about gifts, if you dont like it then don't click on it but everyone has the right to share if they want... quit shitting on others joy.

And anyone who was sat shivering to death from lack of heating and food (seriously I'm in one of the poorest areas and this just isn't happening) isn't paying internet costs (the first unnessacery bill to be ditched long before heating) to be sat on mumsnet reading about christmas gifts. Such a rediculous pearl clutching argument thats massively out of touch with reality.

Thesearmsofmine · 12/12/2022 14:15

mam0918 · 12/12/2022 13:39

Then over half the bloody posts on mumsnet are 'insensative', mumsnet is the home of 'I make £150k a year part time and cant afford to survive' threads so people sharing that they spend £150 on their kids at xmas and got the 10 thing is NOT showing off and perfectly fucking average which the thread shows.

This is a forum LITRALLY about xmas which means the majority of threads are about gifts, if you dont like it then don't click on it but everyone has the right to share if they want... quit shitting on others joy.

And anyone who was sat shivering to death from lack of heating and food (seriously I'm in one of the poorest areas and this just isn't happening) isn't paying internet costs (the first unnessacery bill to be ditched long before heating) to be sat on mumsnet reading about christmas gifts. Such a rediculous pearl clutching argument thats massively out of touch with reality.

I wasn’t going to respond to this thread again but your post is so ridiculous I had to reply.

Firstly, I live in a deprived part of a deprived town (probably one you would think of when asked about deprived areas in the U.K.). I am currently sat in my home in the cold(where did I mention dying? don’t attempt to put words into my mouth) because I can’t afford to keep my heating on :so your accusation of out of touch pearl clutching trying to insinuate I am some kind of middle class mumsnetter is utter bullshit(oh and btw I don’t even pay for my internet(not that I should have to mention that) and even if I was paying for it you can’t just drop out of a contract, maybe you don’t understand how they work? A local charity has received over 100 requests for help this weekend from people who have no money for their gas/electricity meter when it hasn’t risen above freezing all weekend, are you saying that they are making it up? Are you also saying that people aren’t going hungry! That food banks aren’t unfortunately a necessity because people are struggling to afford food? I think it is you who is out of touch here.

If you actually bothered to read my posts on this thread, I quite clearly stated that I do not read these posts listing gifts or how much has been spent. Again please tell me where I said that people couldn’t share? Again attempting to put words into my mouth. What I actually said was that it is crass behaviour to reel off a list of all the gifts you have bought for your dc and I stand by that opinion. It’s not the same as answering a question asking for a present idea for 4 year old,

Oh and i wouldn’t usually pick up on this kind of thing but as you decided to attempt to belittle me I may as well play the game. If you are going to capitalise a word to make it stand out, at least make sure you spell it correctly. It’s literally 👍

Dreamwhisper · 12/12/2022 14:27

The Christmas board is for people to talk about Christmas though. A massive part of Christmas is looking for gifts for people.

I don't go onto forums about cars and bemoan people being insensitive for talking about the fact that they can afford £30k cars while I use public transport. Literally anything can be labelled as insensitive if you choose to believe you are the target audience of that discussion.

I do understand and sympathise with the OP. Before I found the Christmas board I googled "is 10 things enough for kids at Christmas" and the top article said the answer was a resounding NO. But people are telling her that her DD will have a great Christmas and being supportive and nice. It's not kind or fair or necessary to insult people just for the fact that their circumstances are different. If they had come on to this thread, the same as if someone came up to me IRL and started talking directly to me about all of their lavish gifts, fair enough to consider that bragging. But you can't apply the same expectations and social norms to a forum which is literally largely about shopping for Christmas, be that gifts, food, decorations, experiences, etc.

Holly60 · 12/12/2022 16:43

Thesearmsofmine · 12/12/2022 13:24

And I’m sorry OP for your thread being derailed.

It's not 'crass' to list what you have bought for your DC on a post that asks you to do so.

Neither is it crass to ask people to list what they bought for their children.

It WOULD be crass to come on THIS post and start listing all the hundreds of expensive things that you and your extensive, wealthy family have bought your DC.

You are conflating two different posts. If you didn't read the other post because the title warned you not to, then it's doing its job. Presumably anyone who did read and post was happy to see the lists. Therefore no one has been 'crass'