MIL Santa’s Grotto

[ReenTD]

My MIL has asked to take my DD (4) and DS (2) to see Santa this week. This would be their 1st trip to see him in their lives. I said I appreciated being asked, but actually, I would rather us to take them on our own for this one. But now my H is upset with me as he has to tell his mum ‘no’. Am I being unreasonable?

Also agree with Ican. They can go again with you. They are tiny utterly clueless and won’t even remember.

Tbh OP one of the dc will probably be scared and refuse to go near Santa so I would get mil to go with you and if necessary she can take a dc out if it’s too much leaving you to enjoy Santa with other dc.

Agree

It's obviously important to so many but I really couldn't give a toss about "firsts"

17 years down the line and I can't remember a single one.

I must be a terrible Mother!😅

My mil took Ds to see Santa for the first time. I didn't go. I had no idea this was a thing to have a power struggle over. It suits me, I don't want to see the bastard

Can someone please provide me with the official list of firsts that I shouldn't even ask if it's okay for me to do with my DGDs? Because clearly I didn't get the full grandmother instruction manual.

They always have a meltdown at age 2, seeing Santa

I would say that it would be none. Firsts are for parents, you had your firsts when you were a parent. Now it’s your child to have hose joys.

How's the woman supposed to know that this is something a mother wants to do all by herself unless she asks? How does she even know for sure that they haven't been before - I mean if you've been in a shopping centre in December, how could you miss it? All this shit about 'boundry (sic) stomping'.... my god. If she took OP's 'no thank you, I'd like to take them myself' with good grace I just don't see what the issue is.

No, YANBU (apart from thinking about it in November 😁)

Oh wow! This has hit a nerve with you.
@ReenTD ignore the rant above.
@Icantthinkwhat why the actual fuck would you get to do something clearly important to the Op? Bet you stamped your feet your didn’t get to to the first feed/bath/walk in a pram. You’ve had your chance with your own kids, let their mum be their mum. Good luck to your poor DIL!

This with bells on

It's not weird to want the 'firsts' for yourselves as parents.

Maybe, because you mention that MIL has already done several 'firsts' (first shoe shop used to be a thing I'm sure- Clarks would even take a photo for you. I still have ds2's somewhere), you feel you've been very accommodating up until now and can't understand why your H is making a fuss over this one thing you've said you'd like to do?

Blimey, Icantthinkwhat. Sleep badly?

Yes, but what ARE the firsts?! Because I honestly don't know! How can I know what not to do if I don't know what the firsts are that parents are supposed to have! Because like I said in a previous post, firsts weren't really a thing when I had my kids.

There was one on here once where a GP took their toddler GC to a cafe, and it turned out that that was a 'first'. That would never occur to me, and I'm not sure how any GP would know whether the GC had been to one before.

And it turns out that even asking if it's okay to do something, is wrong, if this OP is anything to go by. Apparently that signifies crossing boundaries or being controlling.

My post was mainly intended humorously, but actually it would be helpful to know what things/activities are considered 'firsts'.

Thanks for making my point more succinctly. And especially for this:

If she took OP's 'no thank you, I'd like to take them myself' with good grace I just don't see what the issue is.

Nor do I

At our local children’s hairdresser, you can pay a fiver more for a “first haircut” experience, meaning they get a bit of the cut off hair and give it to you. Literally selling someone’s own child’s hair back to them 😂

I didn’t actually say that her asking was wrong or even an issue… I asked was if me wanting to do the first Santa trip was being unreasonable. Just to clear that up! 😄

I personally wouldn’t count going to a cafe as a significant ‘first’ either …unless that’s the sort of thing you take a photograph of, put in a frame on your wall/desk and potentially use as a Christmas card for all your friends and family? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

But you did say:
but all my ‘mum instincts’ are screaming that she’s trying to take over...
..so it seems like you did mind her along? Or at least read more into it than she might have intended?

.."mind her asking", rather

I didn’t actually say that her asking was wrong or even an issue… I asked was if me wanting to do the first Santa trip was being unreasonable. Just to clear that up! 😄

Yes your question was reasonable but some of the OMG HOW FUCKING DARE SHE????!!!! responses are ridiculous, I think a lot of the debate is in response to them not you OP!

I minded that she was pushing to take them without us… when it was still November! I politely said no thank you but when my DH made a fuss I second guessed myself. But my instincts did say “don’t let yourself be walked over with this one” as I do give in to a lot to other things.

I know on mumsnet everything from the first haircut to the first time scraping dog shit out of their wellies is a ‘special first’

😂😂😂

I am a MIL.

If I had suggested taking any of my GC to see santa, and if any DD or SIL felt that they really wanted to do this themselves (first or not) they would simply have told me.

They do of course do lots of wonderful things with the GC, and I am delighted about that. I am included on some of these outings, and I also do things with them on their own.

None of it is an issue.

They would have told me without the emotional bias that OP seems to have that MIL is muscling in on something in a nefarious way. They would just have expressed a preference - and I would get it and say "Send me a pic on whatsapp! - have a great time!"

There has to be history here I think. It is all overblown. It is not a big deal at all.

🤣