How many gifts per child?

[Smarshian]

I am just starting writing out my lists for the kids.
so far I have a Xmas Eve box each (I know these aren’t universally loved!) with hot choc, new pjs, a mug, a bath bomb and a book. Total cost £10 each.
then stockings with sweets, fidget spinners, small toy (Gu jitzu dinosaur for him, uno for her), oodies (fake £10 ones), selection box and cans of pop. Total cost approx £25-30 each.
then under the tree maybe 4 gifts each. The cost will be quite different for these I imagine as he doesn’t want much and she is after a switch, so will get that and 3 very small other gifts, he might get 2-3 medium gifts and 1-2 smaller.
what is everyone else doing?

Not being negative about others at all

id love to buy less!!

You could just… buy less. Just a thought.

@Watapalava I'm guessing though at those ages much of what you are buying is clothes, trainers stuff that really you'd need to buy anyway?

Dino

yes I guess so

people with younger kids have no idea what it’s like with teens

I was a teen once, and I know my parents didn’t buy me loads of things just because my friends were getting them. Especially if they couldn’t really afford it.
I have no issues with people spending £1000’s of people spending £30, each to their own. Just seems a bit weird to say ‘I wish I could spend less’ when you’re the person in control of that decision. You could just spend less.

I feel like I couldn't put an honest answer on here, people are really judgey. I haven't counted but if I did I think it would be a lot. We go big at Christmas. Everyone should be able to do what they want.

I've never fully believed the people who claim to spend a tenner and buy about 2 presents. Obviously I mean as a choice, not because that's all the budget allows.

Years ago it became a thing for everyone to post their kids xmas pile photos and then the gifts when opened on facebook and only ONE person out of the dozens and dozens posting did the 4 presents thing (1 toy with 3 being pactical needs).

That was before I joined mumsnet and saw 'want, need, wear, read' and I remember thinking 'WTF?' and being really confused.

Not just at the tininess of the pile (which honestly did look lost under the big tree) but at the fact she was passing off everyday things as 'gifts' seemed really bizaare and meanspirited to me (it's not a money thing either as she is the best paid of the lot of us with a really good job and lives at home so her parent can provide free childcare and throws cash around regularly on herself).

To this day shes the only person I have encountered in real life that does the whole 'mumsnet' thing of 'ooo I'm spoiling him and apple and and orange in the stocking plus one whole toy all to himself and a new outfit', so I really dont think its as common as this forum makes it appear though.

Or maybe I just dont know that many middle class people lol.

I think people just like to competatively out do each other but some do that with the tiktokers style 'I just spent £3000 on my 1 little angel and buy her 300 presents' and then mumsneters tend to do the more martyred opposit version of 'my kid gets socks only because I dont do TAT and think of the poor children, they'll think santa doesn't love them if my kid gets anything more'.

When really if people dropped both ends of the competition stick (the over and under doing it) I think everything would be much more rounded and while traditions do vary things wouldnt seem so polorised.

We usually do £300 per child except the babies but now the youngest is nearly 3 that doesn't cut it. Couple with cost of living crisis we will definitely be cutting down unfortunately. I didn't want to but I only got a promotion this summer so not long been on a higher wage and we normally take out a credit union loan on very good terms but won't be doing that this year as we will need the money throughout the year instead.

I do want to buy less anyway but the guilt caused by the need to buy less makes it feel different if that makes sense?

I've carefully crafted a list based on their Christmas lists and interests and they're looking to have about 7 presents each from us, plus a large stocking from us, plus around 3 - 5 presents from family (we don't have a big extended family).

I've managed to cut a chunk of the cost down by cutting out things like expensive pajamas and slippers from Next and finding cheaper but similar stocking fillers. My budget this year will be £200 per child which doesn't feel too bad but I would have liked to have the extra as I've had to cut out all of those "gift that aren't gifts" type things as those will be things the kids care about the least.

Whereas I would definitely spend more than a tenner, I really would only get one present or maybe two for my DC. That’s just normal to me. They would also get a stocking for smaller gifts - but these would be small token things that wouldn’t cost a lot -as Father Christmas brings it, so he has to carry it etc. They also would get a present from their grandparents and their aunt, from their friends, etc, so they get a few. Mine are young adults now.

Btw I am still haunted by the article that comes up if you google "is 10 presents enough at Christmas" from a few years ago, where most mums say 10 isn't enough.

Unless I can find some excellent deals they won't be getting much more than 10 presents plus a stocking all in.

That being said, I am prioritising things I know they really want, and my DC2 just recently had their 5th birthday and had a good chunk of money to spend in Smyths, but found 2 things he wanted for the money and it didn't phase him at all that he could have got much more. He looked round everywhere, saw all the toys, was told he could get as much as he wanted as long as he had enough pennies and he chose 2 things!

So I don't think children are inherently materialistic. I don't think anyone needs to feel guilty over quantity. It's definitely more about choosing key thoughtful things that they'll love to receive

Viral news story today about a women with three trolleys worth of stuff for a 4yo...

Everyone in my family only gets one present. It’s always been like that, since I was a child. I will get my Dh one present, my sister one present, my parents one present each, etc, so the DC also get one present. But they do actually get more -because they get stockings with small gifts as well, and they get presents from
other people too. I find it a bit hard to believe that people would buy several presents for their DC, although I accept that they must do. I don’t know anyone who would do that.

@Greytea You find it hard to believe that people would buy several presents for their DC? Really? I don't know anyone in real life who would only buy one or two presents. It's only in weird Mumsnet world where people claim to do this. I think it's very normal for people to really treat their kids at Christmas.

I don’t think it’s a weird Mumsnet thing at all. I’m relatively new to Mumsnet - a couple of years. And I do buy several presents for my DC - but they only get one main present officially from Mum and Dad, and I buy their stocking presents too (from Santa), which are smaller things. Completely normal. And DH thinks the same. It was like that when he was a child, with the exception that his mum and dad both gave him a present each, but his additional stocking presents really were just in socks - his dad’s socks - whereas my DC have a special Christmas stocking perhaps a foot long, so it holds quite a few things. Eg, when my DC were little, they might have got a marble run. That would be the present. When they were teens, they might have got a mobile phone. That would be the present.

I think that’s the thing though, the classic working/council families going all out at Christmas when MC families only buy 1 or 2 things. All my relatives go mad, many putting themselves into debt to try and prove they can provide a good Christmas for their DCs, where as my MC friends don’t, they buy just the couple of gifts. The big difference being the MC kids get things through the year and lots of expensive hobbies and trips too.

Talking to my MC DH today, he said he only ever got 2-3 things, all came in a pillowcase, didn’t change as a teen. But, he also got to go to Disneyland & Disneyworld 3 times as a kid, travel Europe, go away almost every school half term and holiday and did lots of clubs and activities every week.

I find it a bit hard to believe that people would buy several presents for their DC, although I accept that they must do

I find it hard to believe that EVERY single person you know buys their child one present.

Ok so upthread I said I’ve never counted my DC’s presents. I shopped for DC2 (7) today and she has 7 presents. She will have a stocking too with small bits in like a Harry Potter keyring, bath bomb and chocolates. 7 feels like loads to me 😂, and I feel like I’ve gone overboard!

(DC1 has 4 presents. She can’t think of anything she wants. She’s 9. I’ll probably get another couple of bits if I can find something she might like!)

Well, as far as I know. My family do, my sister’s, my DH’s family etc. My friends do - it’s one main present per child, or two if it needs to be matched with a sibling. It has never occurred to me to get more than one present. There’s quite a lot of smaller things in the stocking too - so there’s probably about 10 things in total to open, which seems loads - from us as parents/Santa. And the DC always give a present to each other - which when they were younger I would buy too. We always seem to have a great time at Christmas and no-one has ever said they don’t get enough presents - or their friends got lots more. And they’re young adults now. If you get a bike for your DC, you’re not really going to get them anything else, are you? Apart from stocking presents.

Apart from stocking presents.
And that bit becomes subjective, some people's stock presents are no bigger than a bouncy ball, other people's Stockings seem to include board games and books.

It also depends who else gives to the child. I can't imagine a kid only having a bike and nothing else to unwrap.

DD is getting switch for Christmas as her main present. But she is definitely also getting some other things to open! Water bottle, dinosaur egg, craft kit etc. 8 gifts in total under the tree. The switch is circa £300 so the rest is cheap extras that she will like but nothing fancy. I think one present is always a bit disappointing, but maybe that’s because I always had more.

Christmas is a fairly big event in the UK. The shopping, the decorations, the jumpers, the food, the music, school nativity and Christmas fair, local Christmas light switch on, advent calendars, secret Santa at work, Christmas parties, pantomimes, Santa's grotto, elf on the shelf etc. And now December 1st boxes, Christmas eve boxes, Christmas bedding, I could go on forever.

I can't imagine going to all that effort, building it up for a small child, the magic of Christmas and then on Christmas morning giving them one thing to open and a pair of socks.

I go big at Christmas, we love it, I admit it. It was the same for me growing up. I'm not on a council estate, I don't go into debt for Christmas and I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. We just do it how we want it to be and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I haven't grown up spoilt or materialistic or greedy just because we had wonderful big christmas's and neither are my kids.

But all those things you mention are part of Christmas. They’re not ‘the lead up’, they’re part of the whole overall experience.

@WaddleAway I agree, but there is an undeniable build up to the "big day", especially for children and I just think some people should be a bit less judgemental when people don't go with the "something to read" approach.

It's not a big deal, don't really know why I'm posting. First Christmas without my mum, third without my dad. A lot of happy Christmas mornings to look back on.

I like that your 'only one present' has become two, plus stocking presents... oh maybe 10

My 5 year old is getting a bike, plus a Nintendo game, some dressing up and drawing stuff, a onesie and some socks, an annual and stocking fillers.