Please help me sort my attitude to gift giving now, so there is no angst next Christmas

[whachatalkinaboutwillis]

Please help.
I am on the whole a sensible person who learns from experience and has good quality relationships. Except Xmas with my bloody family. I know this is quite common and would appreciate advice/wise words so I can sort my head out now, before I repeat the whole idiotic situation next year.

I am one of 7, only girl. We are all doing fairly well financially and have agreed that we buy only children's gifts and tokens for the adults, if anything. We agree a £20-£30 spend per DC. I buy each of my nieces and nephews presents that I know they will like, I have good relationships with almost all of them, independent of my DB's and enjoy buying for them (Xmas and Bday). All but 2 DBs have DW's who do all the Xmas shopping. They buy awful presents for my DC, thoughtless or frankly weird things, obviously 'bargains' or regifts. They are also given MLM items sold by one aunt - not suitable for them at all - and bday gifts are often 'lost in the post', 'on their way', 'we'll give you next time we see you" (then they don't). I am not bothered as I accept that my interest in my DN&N is much greater than my DBs is, so I would continue. But my DC get upset at the thoughtless tat they are given when they see their cousins be given things they enjoy. It is causing resentment and DC relationship with cousins is more important than my desire to see them open gifts they like.
What would you do in this situation?
Thank you, sorry it's long

I'd suggest saying no gifts in future as people are obviously very busy and it feels like a chore. Give cards (& voucher for special occasion / birthday). It removes the unfairness and leaves your DC feeling on an even footing

That's rubbish for your kids.
MIL gave my kids plastic junk they don't want.
I did suggest when she asked month's ago she gave money towards larger items for hobbies/interests, but to no avail.
I wish she would buy them a choc orange instead, as it is such a waste.
In your case I think stopping presents for kids is only solution as it is so inequitable.

Just stop buying gifts for the wider family at all. Just concentrate on your own family unit.

That's what we do. It is very liberating.

If you still want to give them something, I think a voucher would be best. I don't give vouchers myself as I think they're boring, but they would suit this situation perfectly.

Either no gifts, or you each buy for your own kids on behalf of their aunties and uncles so the kids have something to open when you see each other - they’ll make more effort for their own kids.

@Trisolaris

Either no gifts, or you each buy for your own kids on behalf of their aunties and uncles so the kids have something to open when you see each other - they’ll make more effort for their own kids.

I was going to suggest this. Instead of each adult buying, what, 10 £20 gifts fo4 various nieces and nephews, spend £50 on each of your DCs, stick their uncles names on the label, and tell them all to do the same. Money saved, time saved, children happy. Birthdays just do £10/£20 in a card from now on and insist on the same back.

Realistically I think you only have two options:

1. Stop buying gifts for the children completely.

1. Carry on as you are but emphasise a 'it's the thought that counts' philosophy with your own children.

It's rubbish either way because it sounds like you enjoy choosing gifts for your nieces and nephews, and equally it's not very fair on your kids to get crap gifts. But I don't think you can tell them that they are buying crap gifts.

A couple of months before Xmas send a clear suggestion wish list.
Say what the main gift is going to be and "it would be nice to get something to go with it"
eg...main present is Sylvanian Families house. Suggest various furniture sets (with pictures cut out of the catalogue/printed off the internet if needed)
On the wish list also put suggestions of what NOT to get. This year I had to tell family not to get my daughter anything Harry Potter or JK Rowling related because she is anti JKR.
So "please don't get Mary coconut smelling bubble bath because she doesn't like the smell but she loves strawberry" to me is fine to put on a list.

@whachatalkinaboutwillis

Please help. I am on the whole a sensible person who learns from experience and has good quality relationships. Except Xmas with my bloody family. I know this is quite common and would appreciate advice/wise words so I can sort my head out now, before I repeat the whole idiotic situation next year.

I am one of 7, only girl. We are all doing fairly well financially and have agreed that we buy only children's gifts and tokens for the adults, if anything. We agree a £20-£30 spend per DC. I buy each of my nieces and nephews presents that I know they will like, I have good relationships with almost all of them, independent of my DB's and enjoy buying for them (Xmas and Bday). All but 2 DBs have DW's who do all the Xmas shopping. They buy awful presents for my DC, thoughtless or frankly weird things, obviously 'bargains' or regifts. They are also given MLM items sold by one aunt - not suitable for them at all - and bday gifts are often 'lost in the post', 'on their way', 'we'll give you next time we see you" (then they don't). I am not bothered as I accept that my interest in my DN&N is much greater than my DBs is, so I would continue. But my DC get upset at the thoughtless tat they are given when they see their cousins be given things they enjoy. It is causing resentment and DC relationship with cousins is more important than my desire to see them open gifts they like.
What would you do in this situation?
Thank you, sorry it's long

Just call an end to it. I did. I would by nice gifts for my DNs and my DC would get a toy ( DS was 15!) plus they would snigger about it. So I text to say I wasnt doing gifts -environment etc Sorted