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Christmas

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Original poster

I want to change how we 'do' Christmas

62 replies

ohmyohmy123 · 27/12/2021 18:45

We have always visited each family alternate years - example below

2017 - my family came to ours
2018 - DH family came to ours
2019 - covid!
2020 - we went to my family
2021 - we will go to DH family

So it alternates usually. However my in-laws are no longer well enough to host and have said they cannot navigate at my brother in laws house anymore because of the stairs so would need to come to us to host each alternate year now (they have a 3 story with no access other than stairs).

This would mean us hosting them every other year and my family every third year. It's quite stressful and I'm not looking forward to cooking more years.
I worked Xmas eve night this year and would not have been able to cook and host on Xmas day.

Anyway I was talking to DH and we want to change how we do without upsetting every one.

Would it be wrong to suggest every one have Xmas at their own home and we will do a Boxing Day buffet?

OP posts:
Poppins17 · 27/12/2021 18:46

We have come away this year and thoroughly enjoyed it… although it’s only been 4 nights it feels like we have been on a proper break. Why not suggest something similar, either together or separately to break the cycle!

minipie · 27/12/2021 18:51

So would that mean ILs are on their own on Christmas day every year?

Comefromaway · 27/12/2021 18:54

Perfectly acceptable to have Christmas at home on your own. My parents decided a few years ago that’s what they wanted to do.

CallmeHendricksGingleBells · 27/12/2021 18:54

Why every third year?
One year they come to you
Next year, you see your family,
Following year ILs come to you
Next year, you see your family?

Wankerchief · 27/12/2021 18:56

Nope we are on year 3? of this
We used to have to alternate plus fit in other visits. We would spend all our Christmas travelling it was a chore

So we do our own Christmas Day and visit are welcome on xmas eve and anyone can come round ours on Boxing Day.

It wasn’t popular, family kept trying to get us to change but we’ve stayed firm and now love Christmas Day.

Ohyesiam · 27/12/2021 18:57

Perfectly acceptable.
Don’t quite get why it’s become a 3 year cycle though.

BerthaBlythe · 27/12/2021 19:00

What would a Boxing Day buffet involve? I’m assuming, reading between the lines, that it is easier than cooking a roast? If so, why not do that for Christmas Day?

GettingStuffed · 27/12/2021 19:04

Do what you feel is right for you. Schedules change as life goes on we host every year but it's now only DD and her family come as my dad hates Christmas, my sister works most years and my son lives too far away and we no longer have room for their growing family. My in-laws are too old to travel and won't let us go to theirs and host.

didireallysaythat · 27/12/2021 19:06

Do you all live close? It's a 6-8 hour between my family and DH's - surely you need to factor that in too along with how many beds people have in their houses for guests?

MerryMarigold · 27/12/2021 19:10

It's a 4 yr cycle. The only year OP would not be hosting in future would be when she goes to her family. Every other year her family come to her house. ILs would come to get house every other year hence OP would be hosting 3 times out of 4.

MerryMarigold · 27/12/2021 19:12

@BerthaBlythe

What would a Boxing Day buffet involve? I’m assuming, reading between the lines, that it is easier than cooking a roast? If so, why not do that for Christmas Day?
Boxing day buffet would be cold cuts from Xmas dinner plus salads etc. You need an Xmas dinner to have the cold cuts.
offtothebeach · 27/12/2021 19:13

We've decided to fly off for a beach Christmas next year with just our family. It's one day, everyone else will cope with it not being traditional. Just do whatever will make your Christmas enjoyable and fun for your family.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 27/12/2021 19:16

How about a cycle of

  • you go to your parents
  • parents and in laws come to you
  • book a meal out for all of you

Then you're only hosting and cooking one in three.

Namechangeforthis88 · 27/12/2021 19:20

I'm intrigued by 2019, do you live in Wuhan?

Original poster
ohmyohmy123 · 27/12/2021 19:21

@MerryMarigold

It's a 4 yr cycle. The only year OP would not be hosting in future would be when she goes to her family. Every other year her family come to her house. ILs would come to get house every other year hence OP would be hosting 3 times out of 4.
Thank you that's right!

My in-laws go to their other son's on Xmas when they don't come here - if they come here then it's in-laws and brother and sister in law and their children - so 6 people.

Father in law told me yesterday that he can't go to his other sons anymore due to not being mobile enough to cope with the stairs. It's a 3 story that has no toilet on the main floor, so he has to go up or down.

We went to my family for Xmas dinner this year but hosted DH family at ours on Boxing Day.

I feel that yes we will be hosting 3 times out of 4 and I work in the nhs so cannot escape working Xmas so it's extra pressure.

I don't know what the answer is though. If we just do a buffet on Boxing Day each year then we can host each side of the family. I wouldn't mind hosting just in laws every year but the rest of the family makes it more work.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohmyohmy123 · 27/12/2021 19:22

@Namechangeforthis88

I'm intrigued by 2019, do you live in Wuhan?
Haha we had this year alone at home - I worked Xmas day though so we just had dinner late on when I got back.

We would have gone to my family had we been allowed.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthis88 · 27/12/2021 19:30

Still lost how covid affected your Christmas in 2019! UK first lockdown was March 2020. But yes, do a Boxing Day buffet.

BrieAndChilli · 27/12/2021 19:32

Where/how close are the in-laws? Could you not go to the in laws on the years you would have normally but the brother and sister in law do the ‘hosting’ in the in-laws house? I assume the house is big enough if you have done that before or have you always gone to the brother in-laws?

Original poster
ohmyohmy123 · 27/12/2021 19:34

@Namechangeforthis88

Still lost how covid affected your Christmas in 2019! UK first lockdown was March 2020. But yes, do a Boxing Day buffet.
Haha I'm a year behind lol
OP posts:
CherryRedDMs · 27/12/2021 19:35

Lunch in a restaurant?

Beamur · 27/12/2021 19:39

I always used to have Christmas at home and invite my Mum, so there would be me,DH, DD, DSC in the evening. Then on either Boxing Day or the day after we'd go to the PIL.
Felt a bit bad that we never spent Christmas Day with PIL (DH only child) so we invited them one year. It was awful. MIL completely took over, imposed herself in the kitchen, completely sidelined both me and my Mum. She has form for this so it didn't come as a surprise, but we never invited them again.
My point is, obligation can make you do things you don't want to. My PIL are rubbish guests but great hosts! As long as you all come up with something that works and is enjoyable. It's hard enough work!

Namechangeforthis88 · 27/12/2021 19:40

Restaurant is a good call. My brother insisted on this in the days they used to go to his MIL for Christmas as the meal prep stress was unbearable and ruined Christmas for the kids.

Blossom64265 · 27/12/2021 19:47

There comes a point where the hosting duties pass to the next generation. It sounds like that time has come. How you handle that is up to you.

I personally wouldn’t want to stop having a family Christmas entirely, I would just want to protect the morning. With lots of planning and advance prep.hosting on the day doesn’t have to be that difficult. I find a later meal works better though.

Mummywantsaweewee · 27/12/2021 19:47

My Dh and I have our own Christmas dinner but I have always popped round to my parents for a cuppa and to exchange gifts for an hour or two on Christmas Day, after lunch. Until this year - they said they’d like to have it just them now. It made me feel sad but I have to accept what they want. If your family(ies) are respectful then even though they may not like the change they will need to accept your decision. Boxing Day buffet sounds great!!

RedHot22 · 27/12/2021 19:49

2019 Covid?

No, it wasn’t