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Christmas

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Original poster

I want to change how we 'do' Christmas

62 replies

ohmyohmy123 · 27/12/2021 18:45

We have always visited each family alternate years - example below

2017 - my family came to ours
2018 - DH family came to ours
2019 - covid!
2020 - we went to my family
2021 - we will go to DH family

So it alternates usually. However my in-laws are no longer well enough to host and have said they cannot navigate at my brother in laws house anymore because of the stairs so would need to come to us to host each alternate year now (they have a 3 story with no access other than stairs).

This would mean us hosting them every other year and my family every third year. It's quite stressful and I'm not looking forward to cooking more years.
I worked Xmas eve night this year and would not have been able to cook and host on Xmas day.

Anyway I was talking to DH and we want to change how we do without upsetting every one.

Would it be wrong to suggest every one have Xmas at their own home and we will do a Boxing Day buffet?

OP posts:
Original poster
ohmyohmy123 · 27/12/2021 19:53

@RedHot22

2019 Covid?

No, it wasn’t

I know - I'm a year behind Grin don't know what year I'm in 😂😂😂
OP posts:
RedHot22 · 27/12/2021 19:55
Grin
Linguini · 27/12/2021 19:57

If they're too frail now, sounds like you won't have many Christmas's left with them so just make the best of it?

LawnFever · 27/12/2021 19:59

I’ve always refused to get involved in pre planning exactly how Christmas will run for years to come.

So yes, sometimes we’ve offered to host, sometimes to in laws, my parents, some years we go out for a meal but I really dislike the concept that it’s planned out for years to come.

beenthereboughtthetshirt · 27/12/2021 20:00

Just all have Christmas in your respective homes.

Less stressful for all.

The Boxing Day buffet sounds a lovely alternative get together but without the pressure.

LawnFever · 27/12/2021 20:00

@Linguini

If they're too frail now, sounds like you won't have many Christmas's left with them so just make the best of it?
What a festive thought
AnnaSW1 · 27/12/2021 20:11

Since having kids we stay at home every year with the children so they enjoy Xmas at home and we enjoy it too. I highly recommend it

AngelinaFibres · 27/12/2021 20:21

@ohmyohmy123

We have always visited each family alternate years - example below

2017 - my family came to ours
2018 - DH family came to ours
2019 - covid!
2020 - we went to my family
2021 - we will go to DH family

So it alternates usually. However my in-laws are no longer well enough to host and have said they cannot navigate at my brother in laws house anymore because of the stairs so would need to come to us to host each alternate year now (they have a 3 story with no access other than stairs).

This would mean us hosting them every other year and my family every third year. It's quite stressful and I'm not looking forward to cooking more years.
I worked Xmas eve night this year and would not have been able to cook and host on Xmas day.

Anyway I was talking to DH and we want to change how we do without upsetting every one.

Would it be wrong to suggest every one have Xmas at their own home and we will do a Boxing Day buffet?

Brilliant idea. Suggest it now and everyone has at least a year to get over the change and decide that it's a really good solution. I love the build up to Christmas and I love Boxing Day onwards but I have realised over covid quietness and this years bigger do that I really find Christmas day exhausting and a bit much.
NynaeveSedai · 27/12/2021 20:27

@CallmeHendricksGingleBells

Why every third year? One year they come to you Next year, you see your family, Following year ILs come to you Next year, you see your family?
Hosting 3 out of 4 years She doesn't want to host that much

OP YANBU

Noisyprat · 27/12/2021 20:45

Sorry to repeat this on yet another thread but it sounds as though you are having to do it all. Why? Where is your DH, they are his parents. I appreciate you are all family however he should be taking the lead on this.

wildseas · 27/12/2021 20:56

Can you not stick with the same original plan you’ve always had but bil hosts Christmas in pil house? And then you don’t need to do anything different....

Springspringhurrah · 27/12/2021 21:11

Not sure what the finances are like.
A restaurant would be good next year, invite everyone, see what they think of a change for once. While there and they're merrily sozzled - and put in public place so on best behaviour! Tell them you can't do all the hosting because you are not a full time housewife and things are different these days. ( Not that you must if you are full time housewife either, but I think my parents generation forget that this is not the norm ). Ask for suggestions, volunteers, each family brings a course, the sort of helpful democratic thing you would do with friends- expect the same from your family.

This year was just us 4 and for a ridiculous raft of reasons completely not possible for me to cook properly. I went to m&s and bought every single thing bar the spuds in packets . ( One year my aunt who is a proper snob did aunt bessies- NOONE noticed, I should've done bought the roasties as well.. ).
Our lunch from packets was totally delicious, took only just over an hour total and was easy peasy. I highly recommend. Worth the extra cash if you can do this.

Other companies like Cook do Xmas dinner pre prepared in a box - and delivered, even better.

happychristmasbum · 27/12/2021 21:17

I think you need to change it so that it's a three year cycle of

y1: ILS come to you
y2: You have Christmas at home just you
y3: You see your family (regardless of where)

AnAverageMum · 27/12/2021 21:32

It’s literally one day a year

Sally872 · 27/12/2021 21:40

I would pick up more of the hosting as parents get older.

However time together on Christmas day is probably the most important thing so if a buffet is significantly less stressful have a Christmas day buffet?

altiara · 27/12/2021 21:50

Do you have to have the schedule planned for every year in advance? Can you put a stop to all of it and say you decide once you get your work schedule. And if you host, can’t you just invite parents and or parents in law, not siblings and partners. Plus throw in the suggestion of eating out one year. Keep everyone guessing until you are ready to decide what you want to do. Or, your DH could do the big shop, prep and start the dinner off.
My ex DH hosted this year and it was a miracle - he managed to shop and cook a roast dinner.

NotVictorianHonestly · 27/12/2021 22:17

Go away to a hotel with the inlaws if budget allows. Or at least all go out for lunch on Christmas Day.

cherryonthecakes · 27/12/2021 22:27

@happychristmasbum

I think you need to change it so that it's a three year cycle of

y1: ILS come to you
y2: You have Christmas at home just you
y3: You see your family (regardless of where)

^^ This makes perfect sense
worriedatthemoment · 27/12/2021 22:41

Whatever works for you , but you could just have the inlaws on your year so just 4 to cater for have bil over for cup tea in evening ??

worriedatthemoment · 27/12/2021 22:43

Or host your family and inlaw together then you get every other year off

Becsim · 27/12/2021 23:27

@Namechangeforthis88

I'm intrigued by 2019, do you live in Wuhan?
My thoughts too! 😂
SE13Mummy · 27/12/2021 23:27

After a couple of years driving for hours so both sides of the family got to see us on Christmas Day, and my four sisters-in-law trying to rota everyone's Christmasses for the next couple of decades, DH and I told our parents that we'd like to 'do Christmas' with each of them every year but to avoid complicated rotas, it wouldn't be on Christmas Day anymore.

Initially they were a bit surprised but when they realised it meant they could have us to stay at some point between 26th December and when schools go back in January, they were very happy with it. Over the years since we've mostly had Christmas at home by ourselves but went to Lapland one year, have had my parents to stay on a couple of the years (DH's prefer to come for a day) or have spent the day with local friends. Every year (not 2020) we've had Christmas meals with our parents, exchanged gifts and done Christmas Day activities and every year it's been lovely to spread Christmas over a longer period of time. We've not always managed to meet up with our siblings because they are tied into alternate Christmas rotas but also because of their work commitments.

I'm sure our parents would love to have their three/four children plus partners and grandchildren all present at the same time for a full family Christmas Day but none of us are local to them/each other and our parents' homes would struggle to accommodate 16+ people (plus dogs) for a sit down meal and to then have us all to stay overnight. Multiple, smaller scale Christmas days works for us and means grandchildren get to spend time with grandparents without having to always share them with their cousins. We also get brownie points if we ever invite parents to come to us for Christmas because it's seen as a bonus!

XmasCrap · 27/12/2021 23:28

@Namechangeforthis88

I'm intrigued by 2019, do you live in Wuhan?
Yeah. Not many people had heard of COVID in Dec 2019. 🤔
Goldbar · 27/12/2021 23:40

Host in-laws in a restaurant. The rest of the family can come but they have to pay for themselves.

That also means it's just the meal and you can enjoy the rest of Christmas day in your own house by yourselves with no washing-up to do.

didireallysaythat · 28/12/2021 00:30

We meet up with family in January. Holiday cottage for a weekend - it's low season, neutral territory so everyone has to cook. I don't try and see my mother in December - just too stressful..