I want to change how we 'do' Christmas

[ohmyohmy123]

We have always visited each family alternate years - example below

2017 - my family came to ours
2018 - DH family came to ours
2019 - covid!
2020 - we went to my family
2021 - we will go to DH family

So it alternates usually. However my in-laws are no longer well enough to host and have said they cannot navigate at my brother in laws house anymore because of the stairs so would need to come to us to host each alternate year now (they have a 3 story with no access other than stairs).

This would mean us hosting them every other year and my family every third year. It's quite stressful and I'm not looking forward to cooking more years.
I worked Xmas eve night this year and would not have been able to cook and host on Xmas day.

Anyway I was talking to DH and we want to change how we do without upsetting every one.

Would it be wrong to suggest every one have Xmas at their own home and we will do a Boxing Day buffet?

Just a thought, but now we are orphans and have been for some years, I wish I'd spent more Christmases with my parents.

How often have ILs hosted you at Christmas in the past?

If it’s been a lot then I do think there is an element of “payback” tbh. Especially if they are physically frail, sounds like they won’t be able to do much cooking etc so it could be a pretty miserable Christmas day for them.

On the other hand BIL needs to work out a solution to his stairs so he can host sometimes.

Wow. Pretty obvious it was a simple mistake.

Our house was nominated this year as venue but we shared out the meal between everyone and all we cooked was turkey and Christmas pudding. There were 21 of us but very relaxing as everyone pulled their weight . I don't really get why boxing Day is any less stressful.

I think if your parents and in laws have hosted you in the past then it is not unreasonable for you to host them on Xmas day maybe one year for your parents, then your DHs and alone for the third year.

@VioletLemon

Wow. Pretty obvious it was a simple mistake.

Thank you...it's a shame messages can't be edited!

Of course it’s completely reasonable to change how you do things. If your happy with hosting every other year then stick with the four year cycle:

Year 1: Go to your family
Year 2: Christmas at home, invite In-laws for Boxing Day
Year 3: Host your family
Year 4: Host In-laws

I think I'd suggest a simpler meal for the times you host in their stead. Some years our family doesn't do the traditional foods at all. It's still a pleasant time for everyone to gather together.

Whatever you settle on, the important thing is that everyone feels included and cared for, whether you see them on Christmas Day, Boxing Day, or some other time.

I’d break the cycle by doing something different

Go away abroad for Christmas or go with friends for a meal

Then after that suggest booking a meal out for Christmas lunch and other join you if they like, as cooking 3 years out of 4 is getting to much

2017 - my family came to ours
2018 - DH family came to ours
2019 - covid!
2020 - we went to my family
2021 - we will go to DH family

There was no Covid at Christmas 2019?

I think that sounds fine tbh. The ILs have each other and as long as they are well enough to cook I’d say go for it

Why not break the whole cycle and go away. Now our DC are older we love going away for Xmas and NY. (Currently in Asia).