OK, OH earns 125k, his secretary probably earns 35ish, how much should he spend on her Christmas present?

[DontWantToLookTight]

Just that really.
Hev namechanged cos don't want you to all think I'm minted!

Yep I agree Q - there are rich tossers, poor tossers and middle income tossers....

Oh dear! I put scented candles in my secret santa present I sent!!

I earn 5k is this okay???

Surely you have a DH that earns £250k? Surely you want to share that with Mnet?

Mine oh yes, yes thousands and thousands, more 0000's than I can type actually

I find the op title showing off in the exteme

Yes, I agree, salary is irrelevent for this question.
God do i feel underpaid, lab manager for a waste company, despite the fcat I am on M/L but if an serious incident occurs on site, the Environment Agency can demand I attend site! Very unlikely to happen fortunately.
And I get paid less than this guy's secretary.
And I freely admit I am very

I don't find the OP offensive in the slightest... it's about context isn't it?

Op was asking advice about what would appear reasonable in this context.

I can understand why some people on here might feel it seems crass, but the reality is that in the SE of England there is a lot (too much...)of emphasis on being 'seen to do the right thing'.

FWIW I think a nice gift worth £50 would be fine. When I earnt a six-figure salary that's probably about what I would've spent.

lol gameboy

OP why does your dh feel the need to buy anything? It does seem very patronising...oh poorly paid secretary here have a present for being such a good girl?

We're all paid by companies to do our jobs, if he wants to show she is worth something then get the woman an official BONUS.like the big boys get.

horribly sexist when you think about it..can't believe so many mnetters think its fine

Santa....

Have read most of thread (phew)

....I just can't see how the OP is being 'flash' or boastful (or whatever the accusation levelled at her was) - please explain, how you can be ostentatious anonymously?

Just what is the point of being angry with people with more money than yourselves? There is always someone with more than you (in some area of their lives be it money / general good fortune etc). Doesn't get you anywhere. All that negative energy. Don't understand it and I find it rather tragic tbh.

To OP, I don't think you need to get hung up on monetary value of gift. Something tasteful with a bit of thought put into it is all that's needed

WINE!

Your staff need WINE!

(Elementary, I think)

HMC to answer your question, I suppose it is entirely possible to be flashy, boastful etc anonymously. I suppose it could be a self gratification thing.. they still get to boast but without the backlash. Like a troll does with outlandish posts.

Not saying that was what the OP was doing though.

I agree with HMC that there is no earthly point in being angry with people with more money than ourselves - why we'd spend our lives feeling bitter and vengeful and what would be the point of that?

You're making an assumption that people who diagreed with the OP did so because they were envious because they had less money. It ain't necessarily so.

Myself, I was brought up with two very strongly held values - that it was rude to talk about money and that it didn't matter what presents cost because it was the thought that counts.

yes wendy says the same thing just get wine and she s nevr going to check th e price so spend what u want ababe

Really? Surely to boast in a truly satisfying way, you need your audience to be able to 'see' you somehow (in person is probably better) - the proxy for 'seeing' you on here is to 'boast' openly under your MN persona.

For instance it I wanted to boast that I have very shapely and pert norks (I don't as it happens), I would derive a good deal more satisfaction from this if I posted as hmc (as I feel 'known' as hmc and my online identity is wrapped up in that name)rather than if I posted as'SecretOwnerOfBigNorks' which simply wouldn't cut it....

Quattro! gotcha! - by pure chance I've just looked at the 'how much did you spend on your 'Christmas shop and what did you forget thread' and saw that you had posted that you spent £400 on your shopping!

It's rude to talk money you know

Well I don't know. Maybe you're right. Personally, I'm with the wino (perhaps inevitably given my proclivities) because I think it's a backlash thang ...

Her salary is irrelevant. His is the pertinent one. When my DH was earning 40k less than yours we felt pretty comfortable(and I was SAHM with two dcs) and living in not-cheap area of London. So be bloody generous. Not candles or perfumes or flowers or chocs or bloody poncery. Something special. £200 voucher at Jigsaw, Hobbs, Russell & Bromley, Ghost or Whistles. Don't fret about being flash - you can bloody well afford to be a little bit flash.

Yes but that's not about how much money I've got (or in my case, not got) ... that's a spending on food thing ... I am in shock and awe about people who've budgeted so well ... but in my defence am feeding 14. 4 of whom are staying for a week ...

ummmmmm - perhaps the benefit of the doubt then...

although the spend on Christmas and household income might be expected to broadly correlate...?

I am genuinely interested in the not talking about money thing though... just because if someone is affluent, it's generally going to be apparent (perhaps from their clothing, their house, their choice of car, the holidays they take, even the supermarket they shop at etc), even if they take great pains never to mention money.....so I suppose I don't baulk when people mention money (although it has to be in context, if they banged on excessively about what things cost etc it could become tiresome)

lololololol at this thread still continuing!
Thank you for all constructive advice.
Quattrocentro, my problem is that I am completely out of my depth in a world where my oh earns 125k and has a secretary, it seem funny and somehow embarassing. I too have been brought up in a world where we don't talk about money, money is not important and regarding gifts, it is the thought that counts. This is how I live my life. However it has not prepared me for feeling completely inadequate when face with the need to buy a present for my husbands secretary. I have no idea what's really appropriate, I have no feel for it, but thankfully mn has come to my rescue. I'm OK with presents for all my friends, dc and dcs friends, and all our family, but my dhs secretary, well frankly, I was flumoxed.

So what did you decide?

Yes, what have you opted for?