Christmas nightmare

[Lottiesnanny]

My grown-up daughter is widowed with a young family since she lost her husband 4 years ago I’ve always tried to make Christmas the best I possibly can for her.

Last year they came to me but a lot of stuff has happened over the past year. My husband has been truly horrible to my other son and We do nothing but argue.He is a miserable man who sucks the joy from everything. Cut a Long story Short a couple of times husband got really drunk and threw me out of the house I’ve had to knock my daughter up to let me in at 11:12 o’clock at night so understandably she’s flatly refusing to spend Christmas around my husband. In all fairness
When I said to him about having Christmas dinner at my daughters he flatly refused saying he wasn’t going up there and eat his dinner off his lap ( Big family small house)
So tomorrow I’m going out to my daughters house I’m cooking them their dinner spending two or three hours with them and my son and my grand children and I’m then coming home and cooking dinner for myself and my husband.
However he has come home from work tonight raging won’t tell me what about, ( it will be me it always is ) Face like a slapped arse and I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m going up to my daughters tomorrow ,I don’t think I’m in the wrong however I would like someone else’s perspective on this situation.

Your husband sounds horrid and I think you should think about why you are putting up with those sorts of moods.
Go to your daughter’s tomorrow and stay as long as you are welcome and leave your husband to make himself beans in toast.

I wouldn't bother coming back. Fuck him.

Christmas almighty go up to your daughters for the day and the two of you cook together (you aren't her skivvy) leave him to his own devices... he sounds awful.

You are perfectly right.

I'm a little worried about you tonight.

Stay safe and go to your daughter's if you need to.

Go to your daughters and stay there. And thank you fir the engineer of why I'm seperated soon to be divorced. My ex was like this, he's goading you into not going, because you're expecting fall out from it. Go please go and dont let him ruin it for you.

Why are you with him? What does he bring to the table?

Can you cook dinner at your daughters, have your time there..make up a plate for him and micro it when you get home.
I couldnt/wouldnt eat 2 dinners and I am damn well sure I wouldnt be cooking 2!!
He brought this on himself.. he is lucky not to be wearing his Christmas dinner...

I don't want to read and run, but I just wanted to say you deserve better than this, as the others have said and I agree have a good think about what you want. It sounds like the first part of christmas with your children and grandchildren sounds lovely, surrounded by love, not a narcissistic drunk. I hope all goes well for you tmrw x

Doesn't sound wrong to me OP. Your husband on the other hand...

I think you should spend the day with your daughter and family. Then think about separating from your awful husband. You deserve better.

I would go toyour daughters now

Leave him to it

Then look at leaving him full stop

@cantgetmyheadroundit

I wouldn't bother coming back. Fuck him.

This with bells on.

Is he your children's father? This is important.

Throwing you out of the house more than once and you're still there ?

To echo others, I'd go and not come back. But, on a more practical note, you need to think about things like home ownership, property, important documents, savings and all the rest of it.

Christmas isn't the time but I'd be lining up a chat with a solicitor - many offer a 30 minute pro bono consultation - to get my options nicely lined up. Personally, I'd set a goal of no more Christmasses with him in the picture in any way at all - that gives you a year to fix it.

Why go back to your husband? Just stay with your daughter.

@Gartanbou

Is he your children's father? This is important.

No it isn't!

His behaviour is hideous. I hardly ever say LTB, but can you? Because he sounds bloody horrible.

I certainly wouldn’t be cooking for him

I say it's important because if this guy is the father then there's more to navigate with any split.

If he's a stepfather then it's much easier.

I think he sounds appalling but I can sort of see tied loyalties if children are involved (albeit adult)

If he's not their father then I can't see why on earth you'd contemplate staying. You're literally choosing the man who you leave your daughter's house.

He sounds like a bastard. Do yourself a favour and leave or bring the relationship to and end. Nurture your relationships with DC and DGC. You will never regret it. Get out while you can, men like this Never change. Imagine the relief if you didn't need to compensate for him being an angry drunk twat.

Thank you all so much your messages they give me strength and courage . I intend to leave him after the festivities, before if need be .

And I’m answer to the poster who asked if they were his children the answer is no .
Thanks again everyone

Why stay with him? He sounds dreadful. Im sure your DC and DGC will have so much respect for you when you leave him

Good luck. Hope you have a peaceful Xmas

Whilst your husband sounds vile and I agree with other posters about him I also feel you perhaps are under a lot of pressure from your daughter ?
It is obviously terrible she has been widowed but why do you have to rush about doing the cooking for her etc ? It does sound like you are trying to do everything to please everyone perhaps at your own expense

Please leave him.

There is no way on God's green earth I'd be coming home and cooking dinner for that monster. Stay at your daughters all day and let him cook his own bloody dinner then leave in the new year.
He can be a miserable git on his own in future.