Guests have had to cancel, how to make it special just us?

[QforCucumber]

We were supposed to be having in laws and also my brother for Xmas dinner/the Xmas period, Then Bil and his wife and kids Xmas day night, all have had to cancel (Covid reasons) so now its literally just DH and I, and 2 x Ds's - 5 yrs and 18 months, how can I get out of this thought process that its just going to be boring and awful and make something special out of it?

Christmas has always been about getting everyone together and ATM I'm thinking wtf is the point in having another day just us 4, why bother with a dinner (even though everything is getting delivered tonight) I just don't see the point and can't see it being a fun time.

@saraclara

not sure how that makes me a self absorbed, self centred brat

You seem self absorbed because you're not reading the room. You refuse to see the upside, that at least you have family to be with, and many posting here no longer will.

My Christmas is falling apart. I was hosting for six Christmas day and 10 on boxing day. Now it looks like it will just be me and a load of food. And not even one person to unwrap my presents with.

It's shit. But I have friends who are stranded on the wrong side of the world from those they love and expected to be with. And another missing a loved one's last Christmas. So I'm going to put a brave face on it, and I'm I'm not going to say "but what about ME?" when someone tells me about their worse situation.

Its also not a race to the bottom

It will be special just your little family, how lovely. X

I’m from a large family and also love to host. Last year was the first Xmas as just us and I really enjoyed it. I still do fancy table decorations, dress up, full shebang lunch etc. but it was VERY chilled in a good way and I felt DC got a lot of quality time with me to play games etc. as I wasn’t rushing around/cooking so much.

Due to circumstances same again this year. We’re looking forward to it . We make our own fun and traditions and still Skype everyone, go out for a walk and chat to people.

Enjoy

OP I think you just have to count your blessings and go with the flow.

Yes, it's disappointing, but you have your husband and children, and you can have a belated Christmas lunch with your relatives at some point in the future.

This is my first Christmas with both parents gone. Just me, sister and BIL. I'm pretty young to be in this situation too. Covid has turned a lot of people's lives upside down and there are many in your situation and worse (including many spending Christmas alone).

I'm not having a go OP, just suggesting that you try to focus on the positives and get on with enjoying Christmas with your family.

OP you’re really not reading the room. Plenty of people have had relatives die and not been able to be with them in their last moments (not me, but many, many people over the last couple of years). For some people, Christmas will never be the same again. Many more are alone and are upset about it. Some people don’t have family and may never have had that luxury. Your family are alive and you’ll be able to see them when they’re out of their isolation period. You’re with your husband and kids. Christmas is one day that’s hyped to such a ridiculous degree it makes people lose all perspective and feel “heartbroken” if plans have to change. Seriously, you’re still much luckier than many people and it’s pretty crass to complain.

We don't have any extra family and only one dc. We LOVE christmas the three of us. We just completely enjoy watching dc open their presents, we spend the whole day setting up toys, watching Christmas films relaxing. Just chilling out. Dh cooks most of the food , I clear up the rubbish from unwrapping and dinner.
I've always found it wonderful and dc is now 8. Father Christmas is still arriving in our house in a few days and I literally can't wait. Just go with the day, don't force anything to happen and you'll all be fine.

I get it op. I feel the same at the possibility ours won’t be happening. It’s all up in the air at the moment.

My Christmas plans just got cancelled this evening and instead of going to my parents, I need to buy Christmas food tomorrow and somehow throw Christmas here.

Like you OP, I’m more worried about the defect on my DD. She was crying at bedtime. “I just wanted a normal Christmas, like it was before covid.”

I understand that being at home just feels like the same old same old at the moment, especially with the prospect of a lockdown or bigger restrictions coming. I want my daughter to have a day that isn’t impacted by covid, the way that everything else has been for her for nearly three years. Her school, her interests, her friendships, her trips, her family. Everything has been impacted and many many things (including her childhood ease) have been lost.

So, yes I get it. And I think you’re reading your room fine, @QforCucumber.

OP, hope you manage to have a good time. To the critical posters, why comment if you're not going to try and understand the OP's point of view. Making other people feel shit isn't going to improve your life. Sorry OP, just makes my blood boil

I get you op. I'd be gutted as I love getting family together. We have had plenty of time just the 4 of us in the last 2 years! My dc were 6 and 8 last xmas and while it was nice, they still talk about how sad it was not seeing family, and are desperate for a normal life. I know there are people worse off but that doesn't mean you can't be disappointed, especially when your dc are too.

Also, what's with the constant "selfish" comments on this site. People are allowed to think about themselves. Stop trying to tell people that they shouldn't feel how they feel

@claretblue79

It's not 'making people feel like shit'. It's simply providing a bit of perspective, which is generally a pretty healthy thing.

I just wanted to say these are lovely, thoughtful ideas. My DC have had to cancel too. I'm dreading Christmas day with DH and recently widowed fil. Bil died last year. Counting your blessings while you have them is true! I will try some of the ideas here, it's so nice to have these threads at times when it can feel quite lonely and overwhelming. Thanks all!

@TedMullins actually, you know what’s crass - to tell someone that their feelings are irrelevant because Others have it worse. Others will always have it worse, in absolutely every situation you or I are ever in - does that negate how either of us feel in those circumstances? Or, could some acknowledgement that people are allowed to feel how they feel in their own shitty situations actually be helpful?

I completely understand peoples situations, notice I don’t mention my own parents or other siblings in our guests? There’s reasons for that, I have not told anyone else they shouldn’t feel how they do, or that they should think themselves lucky they’re alive etc have I? No, I’ve empathised, or not responded because I don’t know what to say to those people as I understand their feelings. I’ve only been a dick back to those who have been a dick to me. However, to be told that my 5 year old should just get over it, that he should be happy no one died, that I’m selfish for starting a thread asking for ideas on how to make the day not feel like any other Sunday, clearly shows others inability to read the room too don’t you think?!

@blinder this is exactly it, we don’t see a lot of my brother but he’s younger than me and he and the 5 year old get on so well and he’s so upset he won’t be here, xmas for him is more about all the people here than the presents honestly! He said pretty much the same ‘why does the virus have to change everything?’ And I feel so sad for him, hence asking how to make the day exciting - the magic doesn’t just make itself 🤦🏽‍♀️ (I wish it did, it’d be much easier)

Op - I TOTALLY GET IT. I think people are being a little unkind. Everything is relative and for your family you were looking forward to this. That's ok. The last 2 years have been hard for all of us in different ways (but obviously huge sympathies to those who have lost loved ones).

Not surprised you are all disappointed and feel really sorry for your son. We had my 6 year old very upset last year about my family not coming, he is a big extrovert and was so excited about it. He has started to not believe us whenever we say things are happening which is sad. I think you have to acknowledge it and tell them you are sad too. Is it possible to plan something with your brother at some other point in the next couple of months?

As for the day, last year we went for lots of playing whatever the kids wanted. We didn't even start cooking roast until 3pm! We watched Xmas films Christmas Eve night and made mince pies for father Xmas with Christmas Carols that's we sang to. We basically became slaves to the toy pile on the day itself. We didn't (one son ASD and difficult) but a nice walk could be good depending on where you live. Definitely see if you can schedule a zoom with family too. Lots of naughty snacks for everyone. A day of the year not to mind how many vegetables the kids do or do not consume.

Here's hoping next year is better Op.

I’ve decided that I’m going to do craft type things with my DD tomorrow. She’s got one of those jewelled picture things, some new paints, and some geodes to smash with a hammer. I’ll spend a few hours with her doing stuff and that will mean a lot to her.

She said the other day, “I’ve worked out what Christmas is. It’s a nostalgia-bomb.” So we have to make happy memories for future Christmasses. “Remember the Christmas we smashed geodes in the garden?” could work!

We’re going to be self isolating this Christmas as DD and I are positive; we’d planned to travel to BIL’s and spend the day with DH’s family but now it’s just going to be the four of us at home. So far the plan is presents, board games, a movie and we’re having a roast chicken for lunch. It’s a shame we can’t go for a walk but we’ll cope.

I do get it, OP, it’s disappointing not to have a normal Christmas and see loved ones, but it doesn’t have to be terrible. Just go with the flow, and maybe there’ll be a second Christmas in a few months.

@DirectionToPerfection. Absolute rubbish. What have other people's problems got to do with what the OP posted about? All some people want to do on this site is give others a kicking and that's the reality. Sometimes people need someone to listen a bit, understand a bit. If you disagree then do it without the insults and calling the OP things like a silly girl. It's absolutely pathetic