Guests have had to cancel, how to make it special just us?

[QforCucumber]

We were supposed to be having in laws and also my brother for Xmas dinner/the Xmas period, Then Bil and his wife and kids Xmas day night, all have had to cancel (Covid reasons) so now its literally just DH and I, and 2 x Ds's - 5 yrs and 18 months, how can I get out of this thought process that its just going to be boring and awful and make something special out of it?

Christmas has always been about getting everyone together and ATM I'm thinking wtf is the point in having another day just us 4, why bother with a dinner (even though everything is getting delivered tonight) I just don't see the point and can't see it being a fun time.

Can you switch it to New Year instead?

Our best ever Christmases have been just us except for last year my friend who lives alone and was part of our bubble came and that was adult company/someone to spoil the DCs/make their new Lego.

@HewasH2O

Can you switch it to New Year instead?

TBH I don't want to plan for New Year after all this restrictions talk, another disappointment will drive me demented I think!

I do understand op but also in the nicest way you sulking about it isn't going to help the kids have a good time. Since the age of 20 I've had my Christmas mainly alone, as my parents are dead and I didn't get invited to friends houses. I have a child now but honestly I just had to suck it up and make the best of it what I could. I used to hate all the hype around Christmas! Just make the day what you can, music, films, a nice walk, playing with the new presents, nice food and a few glasses of wine and facetime. It's all you can do.

Also - you can always do another gathering in a few weeks! It's not like Christmas day is the only time you can see people

OP, I am completely with you. I love hosting and there was going to be 10 of us this year. I also have 6 days off over Christmas. As a nurse, this is the first time in 26 years this has ever happened and probably ever will. I have worked so many Christmas days and boxing days. I was so excited and looking forward to it all. I have tested positive today. I had Covid in November 2020, so this is my 2nd time. I am beyond upset that it will be me, DH and 2 teenagers (who are truly awful teenagers at the mo).

@Kittykat93

I do understand op but also in the nicest way you sulking about it isn't going to help the kids have a good time. Since the age of 20 I've had my Christmas mainly alone, as my parents are dead and I didn't get invited to friends houses. I have a child now but honestly I just had to suck it up and make the best of it what I could. I used to hate all the hype around Christmas! Just make the day what you can, music, films, a nice walk, playing with the new presents, nice food and a few glasses of wine and facetime. It's all you can do.

My issue isn't it only being us, had I been aware that's how it was going to be I'd have been fine - before I met DH I used to spend it alone, and actually really quite liked it - I'd plan out my day weeks in advance, have what I wanted to eat and drink etc, but the cancellation of the plans so close and having to tell DS1 that things are going to be different, seeing him upset, so asking peoples Ideas to make it as special as possible for him is not at all unreasonable I don't think!

You’ve got 2 children, one of whom is the perfect age for Christmas magic!

I get that you’re disappointed, but “boring and awful”? Fuck me!

@RobinPenguins

You’ve got 2 children, one of whom is the perfect age for Christmas magic!

I get that you’re disappointed, but “boring and awful”? Fuck me!

Yes, boring and awful, because I've spent every single day this year either at work or at home with DH and the kids, no holidays, other plans have been cancelled. So I'm not at all sorry for wanting a little bit more, for spending weeks looking forward to getting everyone together after a shit show of a pregnancy, a shit show of a maternity leave, and then a fucking shit show of a year after that too. (we can all swear and judge can't we, and we can also see from posts that I'm feeling a bit fragile but hey ho, lets stamp on that even more shall we)

Well your question was how to get out of the thought process that it’s going to be boring and awful. If you wanted sympathy maybe you should have asked for sympathy and I wouldn’t have bothered posting.

Have you got local friends with kids? Some of our best Christmases were when we didn't do family and instead had a couple of friends with similar aged children over for the day. Just all do LFTs first.

@QforCucumber
You may not be fussed, I am.
Stop being so dramatic and make the best of a situation and enjoy the time with your immediate family. My Mum died a couple of weeks ago, so I won’t be spending Christmas with her. Stop acting like a silly teenager and be thankful for what you have.

We are also having a low key Christmas this year. We usually have my parents and sis/sil, sometimes brother's family too.

Sadly dm died in sept and DF is in hospital, so we all decided rather than have the usual family Christmas but missing two important people, we would all do our own thing.

I think the key for me is just treating it as a day off from the norm, a day to relax, eat good food, drink some wine, go for a walk, and watch some tv. I'm not making a big deal of it and trying to have enforced fun, or it will be a disappointment.

When DF is out of hospital we will do a big family xmas lunch.

Why don't you do the same sort of thing? Forget about what should have been and focus on just having a relaxing day focussed on the dc, and plan to get together with your family for a late "Christmas day" in a couple of weeks?

@BiscuitLover3678

Oh god I'm the opposite, so much fun to be just the four of you! Not needing to entertain anyone. Good food and drink, presents, TV ans games. Lots of family time. Make it special :)

Me too. What an utter joy. Wear what you want, do what you want when you want, watch your children open their presents. Enjoy every minute.

Can you plan anything to perk Christmas day up for you?

Things you and kids would enjoy, like there being Father Christmas footprints? We always enjoyed things like designing a board game as well, and at 5 they might be just big enough for that?

I recognise it's definitely not what you wanted, but I think making some special plans at home, be that baking or making a special breakfast or something like that. I agree if you just watch TV you might feel fed up!

*I think this is my problem, it all felt so close and within reach, to then have it pulled away at the last minute so I'm grieving the idea I had and totally unable to shift my focus on to what it could be.

I am a host, I love having people over, people to cook for and chat to and drink with, and (it sounds awful) but I've spent so much time with DH and the kids this year that getting everyone together was lifting me up so much.*

This, in spades. It's only going to be DP, DCat and myself now for Xmas as DD2 has just cancelled. I'd love to know how to make it a day that is any different from any other this awful year. Need some hope and joy.

Best of luck OP

I love hosting everyone and, so far our guests are still all arriving tomorrow, but how you are thinking wtf is the point in having a day just us 4 seems so (struggling for a word here) bleak. We all have finite time with those we love, your DS's will never be 5 and 18 months at Christmas again. Hold them close, raise a glass to those who can't be with you this year and hope they can be next year.
Consider a phrase from my Dad (who died when I was a teenager) "Count your blessings".

We have Xmas with just the two of us and people think it must be awful but we have the nice food and I have champagne and we enjoy ourselves.

OK. What to do, to make it special for DS?

Obviously all the hype of putting out mince pies & carrots, & drinks!

Read 'The Night before Christmas' at bed time.

Use the Santa Tracker.

Childrens Christmas Carols

Ask him what he'd really really really love for breakfast - get that tomorrow.

Get what you & DH would really like for breakfast.

If you haven't already got him a new outdoor toy, get that tomorrow. A good excuse to play outside & get some fresh air.

Arrange a time to Skype uncle x & grandparents. Maybe during present opening time.

Put their present aside for 'Family Christmas Day' and add bits to the pile, like Christmas crackers & the additional jokes out of the ones you pull.

Acknowledge you can't have another Christmas (Santa only does 1) but you can have a 'Family Christmas' as soon as everyone's well enough!!

Ask DS what things he would like to do to make it extra fun?

Personally I'd make the meal as easy as possible so you can spend more time playing, eating chocolate, watching movies etc.

Make sure any 'no' is a well thought out one, not an automatic one. Have a 'YES' day! Chocolate for breakfast 'yes' play xyz 'yes' campfire in the lounge err 'no'.

Take turns reading a book (if DS hates reading, just you & DH do a chapter each).

5 is a heresy age!

Just make sure he knows that it's ok to be sad that Uncle x can't come, but that you'll see him as soon as you can & have another fun day!!

Decide what you & DH would like to do after DS goes to bed! Film/Game/shag on the sofa with only the Christmas lights on/have a drink & plan things you want to do/achieve next year.

It's disappointing, but throw yourself into it & I'm sure you'll have a great time 🎅🏼

Oh god having to host with young dc is my worst nightmare atm and I'm always happy to let my siblings host instead of me! I'm not sure how many more years I'll get away with saying "i'm just having a cosy family xmas this year just the 4 of us!!"

You may be able to get tickets to a show, film, gallery or activity. Lots of things that have decided to stay open have seen cancellations and are desperate for customers. Yes some places have closed due to Covid reasons inc staffing issues but some are very much open. Or go for a nice meal in a restaurant on Boxing Day, which you wouldn't normally do when the family come. If you haven't got your food in yet you may even be able to find somewhere to have a curry or traditional meal or Chinese banquet.

Or if you are near a nice National Trust place or similar, maybe go there if the weather is okay for a Boxing Day trip.

If you have Amazon Prime or live near shops, you might be able to get some jigsaws and board games in for tomorrow, to actually spend time playing all afternoon. Or card games (lots of ideas online). Or maybe you like Minecraft etc. - the sorts of things you have already but don't usually get time for the 4 of you to really settle down to together, uninterrupted. Or do some cooking with the children. Or invite some friends over for a meal or an older neighbour or a couple.

And everyone could write a list of what they've always wanted to do at Christmas but can't when there are guests and a schedule, such as eat their dinner in their pyjamas, eat at a different time, watch TV all day, Track Santa overnight (www.noradsanta.org), spend time alone knitting with Christmas carols on the radio, the older one might want to see some friends that are also at a loose end, etc. And then you can try to do as much of that as possible over Xmas Eve to Boxing Day or by the 28th depending how long the lists are!!

DH and I used to have a 'Xmas day' together the week before going home to our respective parents when we were dating. I bloody loved it.

Champagne in bed, champagne breakfast, walk, cook together, amazing wine, then trivial pursuit and more wine and a bit of TV or chat.

Last year was the first time we'd had anything close in 14yrs since DD came along and it was marvellous. Normally we have one or two sets of parents here. Now we have a teenager who is a delight to chat to at the dinner table. It was a wonderful relaxing day and it was so special just to be together with good champagne and jokes and laughter.

Can you try to recreate xmases before you had the DC when it was just you together?

Very few of my Xmas memories from years past involve our guests, they involve our DC and us as a couple.

[quote LadyPenelope68]@QforCucumber
You may not be fussed, I am.
Stop being so dramatic and make the best of a situation and enjoy the time with your immediate family. My Mum died a couple of weeks ago, so I won’t be spending Christmas with her. Stop acting like a silly teenager and be thankful for what you have.[/quote]
Agree with this. Op you sound so selfish and self absorbed. I know I could scroll on by but there are so many people sharing here and you are not listening. Let’s do more for others when we can. I’m really moved by the stories of people alone here. I know the feeling.
The heartbroken 5 year old because he won’t see uncle on Christmas Day? I’m sure he will get over it.

You just going to have to make it special for dd ,

And smile.

All the saNta night before stuff
Make reindeer footprints in garden etc
Lovely breakfast and lunch

Get outside for a,walk.
Take hot chocolate flasks

Uncle cannot come but we can facetime ! such fun!
You going to have to pretend it s the best Xmas ever for dc.
Because the alternative is
Misery
When no one died, they just could not make it this time