Guests have had to cancel, how to make it special just us?

[QforCucumber]

We were supposed to be having in laws and also my brother for Xmas dinner/the Xmas period, Then Bil and his wife and kids Xmas day night, all have had to cancel (Covid reasons) so now its literally just DH and I, and 2 x Ds's - 5 yrs and 18 months, how can I get out of this thought process that its just going to be boring and awful and make something special out of it?

Christmas has always been about getting everyone together and ATM I'm thinking wtf is the point in having another day just us 4, why bother with a dinner (even though everything is getting delivered tonight) I just don't see the point and can't see it being a fun time.

Some lovely suggestions on here 😊
A couple of very unhelpful posters sadly , but ignore those . The majority want to help .

Have a lovely Christmas I’m sure it will turn nicely in the end and your children will enjoy themselves . It is crap not being able to plan things for fear of restrictions 😞

I understand. This is our 1st year me dh and 3 of the dcs. 1 teen and 2 under 4.
Used to hosting inlaws who I love having over. And the hecticness of it all.

Altho we will see then in the eve and boxing day then my df BH. I just feel Xmas day will be meh! I'm sure it be fine especially as no stress.

I feel for you OP, I’d be very disappointed as well.

I’ve just had one of my team on the phone in tears because she did her precautionary lateral flow before heading off to get the train to be with her family for Christmas and it was positive. So now she’s spending Christmas alone in a shared house in London which I expect a lot of other people will be as well this year. It really sucks after everything we’ve all been through already.

I hope you enjoy your day and make the best of it.

@BiscuitLover3678

Oh god I'm the opposite, so much fun to be just the four of you! Not needing to entertain anyone. Good food and drink, presents, TV ans games. Lots of family time. Make it special :)

This. 👆

Is there a way of doing a FaceTime game with the missing family, maybe a treasure hunt type thing?

Thanks to those of who you who have made suggestions on things we can do, as I said earlier spending it just us is totally foreign to me and so I was asking for assistance on how I can make the day exciting and special for all of us, not sure how that makes me a self absorbed, self centred brat but there we go. I’ve got some great ideas here (and a large baileys) so hopefully it’ll be a fabulous few days

Do everything you would have done for the others. So get dressed up (if you normally would) set the lovely table, make the same meal, have a few wines, any chores not related to Christmas day should wait.

Play a game or two with the children, use the crackers, let them eat some rubbish and watch some TV too. It will be smaller but still nice. Relax when you can, more screen time and treats are fine for a day.

Get them to bed at a reasonable time and watch a movie with dh.

Don't worry about children being disappointed they will have the presents and the promise of seeing uncle and Co soon. We had Christmas as a family of 4 many times growing up and it was lovely.

Don't feel guilty for being disappointed either just try to notice the feeling and let it pass rather than let it consume you. I love my immediate family but seeing them every day does mean it is easier to find it more mundane than having visitors.

Goodness me! Have a lovely quiet time just the four of you.

For various reasons about borders closing I can’t be with family for Christmas- so this is the second year I’ll be on my own. But I’ve planned three days of really nice food and we’ll do Christmas Eve dinner on Zoom.

You can forge your own family traditions and celebrations. And a 5 year old - a lovely age. It’ll be lovely!!!

Wear what you want, do what you want when you want, watch your children open their presents. Enjoy every minute.

If spending Christmas with relatives means you don't do the above things, you clearly don't have very good relatives

Some of us on MN actually like our extended family, wild a concept as that may be.

not sure how that makes me a self absorbed, self centred brat

You seem self absorbed because you're not reading the room. You refuse to see the upside, that at least you have family to be with, and many posting here no longer will.

My Christmas is falling apart. I was hosting for six Christmas day and 10 on boxing day. Now it looks like it will just be me and a load of food. And not even one person to unwrap my presents with.

It's shit. But I have friends who are stranded on the wrong side of the world from those they love and expected to be with. And another missing a loved one's last Christmas. So I'm going to put a brave face on it, and I'm I'm not going to say "but what about ME?" when someone tells me about their worse situation.

I'm going to put a brave face on it, and I'm I'm not going to say "but what about ME?" when someone tells me about their worse situation.

OP hasn't done that at all

But it is well known that "it could be worse" is a pretty crap and pretty unempathetic thing to say to someone going through a hard time. You don't get to judge that a situation is not bad enough for a person to be upset over. It isn't misery top trumps.

No matter how bad you think you have it, someone ALWAYS, ALWAYS has it worse. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel crap about something others deem to be trivial, and you're allowed to express it too.

@Dottydozet of course OP can feel crap. I get it. I'm feeling pretty devastated, especially as the family member whose likely positivity has led to this probable collapse of our plans also missed out on Christmas last year. So I'm more upset for her than anything.

Its OP's response to other posters that's my issue.

Its OP's response to other posters that's my issue

I would call her responses pretty restrained given someone up thread called her a silly teenager.

[quote saraclara]@Dottydozet of course OP can feel crap. I get it. I'm feeling pretty devastated, especially as the family member whose likely positivity has led to this probable collapse of our plans also missed out on Christmas last year. So I'm more upset for her than anything.

Its OP's response to other posters that's my issue.[/quote]
Teenager. Self centred. Selfish. Get a grip. Oh and don’t forget to tell my 5 year old to get over it and that no one has died - which of course is a perfectly reasonable response to his upset.

Don’t tell me about your devastation when I can’t talk about my own On my own thread 🤦🏽‍♀️ (Not nice that is it?)

There have been some really unpleasant posts OP ,I hope you can ignore them .

The last minute change of direction must be as hard to get your head around as the being with just hour immediate family.

I get why it's not the same. Other people bring a dynamic. No one else knows the dynamic your family bring. Sounds like a great family - I'm sorry this has happened.

We are all different jn what works - some like big Christmas's. Others like it small or non existent.

I'd time box tonight for being really annoyed about it. Then focus on how to make it special for the children.
Can you FaceTime or something on the day? Perhaps get someone to organise a quiz on kahoot or similar. Then you can still get some of the interaction.

Make some new family traditions.

Christmas Eve - have a family film night, all get into hopes, and watch a family Christmas movie, hot chocolate, popcorn. Have you time to get Christmas mugs etc

Deer park - is there a deer park you can go for a walk. Eg. Woburn estate, Beds, or Knowle park, Sevenoaks (Santas reindeer).

Sausage rolls - start a tradition of making sausage rolls on Christmas Eve (saw this on another thread)

Play a board game

Tracking Santa on Christmas Eve

www.noradsanta.org/en/

I can understand how, if you were expecting a larger family Christmas it can seem a little mundane with fewer people, but you can make it enjoyable.

Try to get out of the house. One of your local churches will have a family-friendly Christmas morning service.

@Riverlee I love the deer park idea, I’m not sure if we have similar locally but we do have a big country park we could go reindeer ‘spotting’ tomorrow afternoon!

A few drinks and some helpful ideas have helped me turn it around, how some can not appreciate that yes, being just us may turn out wonderful but I’ve hardly done it before so am finding the idea difficult is bizarre. All I asked for was ways to make the day feel more special than a normal weekend for us and the kids! And most of you have been really great in that so thanks again

(And for those who are saying I’m selfish and self centred, I’ve already offered £60 worth of butchers meat that Im collecting tomorrow straight to the local kitchen who will be feeding alone elderly people xmas day since we won’t eat it all, so do bugger off, I’m still allowed to be sad that my plans are ruined - again)

Alot of people spend their Xmas day with just their immediate family (and that's lucky) so anyone saying it's hardly worth bothering to celebrate and it'll be boring and awful need to have a think.

How can waking up to a room full of presents and special food for your DC be awful?

Oh I would struggle too, OP. As a SAHM to young children, I spend SO much quality time with my children as it is, and we often have roast dinners as a family of 4, so it would totally feel like “just another day”. Sorry, realise this isn’t helpful, but I get where you’re coming from!

Totally understand your feelings OP. Life with smaller kids is, to me, a long wearisome grind a lot of the time, and part of the joy of Christmas is to mix things up a bit in terms of who you get to chat and interact with. We've had to cancel all our planned family meet ups too, so am totally with you on the disappointment front.

Christmas 1986....had just adopted a well wanted baby.
Living far-away from family we decided to celebrate together. My estranged father decided we would celebrate together. No way we said can you do this. He passed away on Christmas eve. Leaving a lot of confusion as it was spent in mourning
Buired 27th Dec. No regerts as the baby was a pure joy.

[quote QforCucumber]@Riverlee I love the deer park idea, I’m not sure if we have similar locally but we do have a big country park we could go reindeer ‘spotting’ tomorrow afternoon!

A few drinks and some helpful ideas have helped me turn it around, how some can not appreciate that yes, being just us may turn out wonderful but I’ve hardly done it before so am finding the idea difficult is bizarre. All I asked for was ways to make the day feel more special than a normal weekend for us and the kids! And most of you have been really great in that so thanks again

(And for those who are saying I’m selfish and self centred, I’ve already offered £60 worth of butchers meat that Im collecting tomorrow straight to the local kitchen who will be feeding alone elderly people xmas day since we won’t eat it all, so do bugger off, I’m still allowed to be sad that my plans are ruined - again)[/quote]
I totally get you OP, I'd be gutted too. YANBU.