What to buy a 93 year old woman with dementia

[thepastisanothercountry]

MIL.

Over time have got her dressing gown, slippers, gloves, scarves, nice toiletries an Alexa. She's likes / uses them all (though not quite sure she knows who they came from but that's not the point). They don't need replacing.

Books, jigsaws etc. are not a great plan for obvious reasons... she forgets she's read them or gets frustrated. If we buy her food she binge eats because she forgot she's eaten already.

She's got all the home furnishings etc. she needs, piles and piles of stationery.

I'm at a complete blank (weirdly if don't get her anything she will remember. If she does not like it she will keep talking about the fact I got her something she does not like and if she DOES like it she will keep saying "look what DSIL got me". Normally she likes it but I honestly do not know this time.

lap tray for breakfast. double handed tea cup in china, bed cardigan, PJs or nightie with a fun motif e.f. christmas related (altho Mum used to pick patterns in later stages), nail polish and give her a manicure, lovely moisturiser or lipbalm for legs and feet or body (for the moisturiser not the lipbalm obv) , photo books, just hand held size, prints of photos to put up with names underneath maybe in family groups. Soft toy that is strokeable - bit like a cat or similar, some old fashioned sweets if you know what she used to enjoy. Clothes that are easy to put on and take off but warm. lap blanket, digital diary frame.

When my Nanna was 93 she didn’t want dressing gowns and old people ‘stuff’ she liked nice earrings, necklace, perfume, fenjil toiletries. Honestly if I’d have bought my Nan wrist warmers or socks she would feel adagio like we all see her as an old woman! My Nan loved silk pjs in fancy boxes with ribbons.

Golden oldies music

Music from when she was 18 to 22.

There was a thread on here not long ago where someone ask the same and a few people really recommended Kinetic Sand.

Thanks @AliceMcK, these hydration sweets designed for dementia patients sound amazing, I'm going to order some for my GUncle. 99 yo and he's in a very expensive care home but seems often to be left without sufficient water .

www.jellydrops.com/

This Thread is just so beautiful. Mil did not have demensia so this may not work well but her favourite gift was a beautifully bound note book we got each of the grandchildren and children to write down their favourite memory in. She expanded it and got close friends and other family to write theirs too and often got it out and read it or had her carers read for her when her eyesight got worse.

My grandmother loved a window bird feeder I got her. Her carers would keep it topped up for her.

Justlikea this type of thing:
www.alzproducts.co.uk/talking-photo-album-deluxe?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIya7Stejh9AIVBrTVCh0prgmbEAQYFyABEgICDvD_BwE
www.talkingproducts.com/products/talking-memory-book-standard-dementia-aids?variant=31467074322502&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_campaign=gs-2020-05-29&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIya7Stejh9AIVBrTVCh0prgmbEAQYDCABEgKBtvD_BwE
Sorry...can't do links!

Did she have pets, you can get dementia friendly soft toy cats and dogs for them to cuddle and stroke.

I've just bought my mum a sequin cushion cover - the sort where you move your fingers over it and you can "draw" on it. I am hoping the contrast in colour and the feel of it will interest her.

@Nonicknamesforcatapillars

How advanced is her dementia? Not too advanced how about a photo book of old pictures of the area she grew up in?

If it’s more advanced then either a fiddle muff or if she likes animals one of those cats that breath and purr and people can have on their lap and stroke. Lots of people find them very calming.

This reminded me of my mum. She had one curled up where the chest rose up and down as if breathing. As her dementia progressed she started feeding it milk and dunking the nose in the milk when it didn't drink. Took us a while to figure out why its nose was all mucky.

Cheers I had forgotten.

Oh goodness just come back an d found all these amazing answers.

I'm going to go through them all and check. She has actually asked for dressing gowns, scarves, gloves etc. in the past and uses them a lot - she tends to feel the cold but now she's getting so muddled it's harder.

She is (was) very musical - so that's an interesting thought. I don't think the dementia is yet so advanced she'd want fiddle muffs etc. but am going to keep those in mind in case it gets that way. I thnk she needs something that gives her pleasure in the moment and can be repeated if that makes sense - because a few minutes later she may have forgotten all about it :(

Similar to my MiL, we've bought books with pictures of Cornwall in as they loved holidaying there

Sounds silly but my 98 year old godmother loved the doll I bought her. She nursed it like a baby.

A few Christmases ago when my late MIL's dementia was starting to get quite advanced, DD bought her a picture book from here dementia books. There is a lot of choice. I think DD got her the one called Funny Old World.

She loved it and spent ages looking through it. She was particularly taken by pictures of babies and young children.

DH also got her a digital radio and pre-tuned it to Classic FM which she would sit and listen to for hours.

I've seen a few women with dementia really like dolls. They hold them and comfort them like a baby. Seems to tap into their maternal instinct

Yep, there's a lady at my MIL's dementia home who carries a doll around.

We did photo books for my MIL in the early stages, and the carers were great as they'd get then out for her and talk about us with her (we all live two to three hours away so could only visit every three weeks or so). Then we got her nice soft clothes, then it got to the point where the thing that gave her most pleasure was the giant Cadbury buttons. We'd pop one on her tongue and her eyes would light up. She couldn't really appreciate anything else.

Can you make a photo album of her childhood or early married days?

Or a CD of music from her youth if she has a CD player?

Photo calendar / photo book
Nice traditional Christmas decoration.
Card with a promise to take her out for lunch/coffee and cake.
Gloves
Coffee table type book (photos rather than a story) about something or somewhere she is interested in.

@thereisyourclue

A digital photo frame? I got one of those for my grandad after he was diagnosed with dementia and it seemed to be appreciated by him and my wider family

My grandmother loved hers. She had vascular dementia and would just beam as each photo came up and tell whoever she was with all about it

If the lady is in a care home, or even if she's not, soft and stretchy nightdresses.

CD/recording of music she has loved

What about a beautiful hand cream? When my lovely grandma hardly knew who we were she absolutely loved it when my mum and I sat either side of her bed in the home chatting to her and each of us massaging a hand each with lovely smelling hand cream. Mind you she did always love being the centre of attention!

My MIL before the dementia was advanced -would enjoy watching her favourite films over and over again- also particularly things like Foyle’s war box set and Goodnight Mr.Tom.War time drama which was relevant to her.