What to buy a 93 year old woman with dementia

[thepastisanothercountry]

MIL.

Over time have got her dressing gown, slippers, gloves, scarves, nice toiletries an Alexa. She's likes / uses them all (though not quite sure she knows who they came from but that's not the point). They don't need replacing.

Books, jigsaws etc. are not a great plan for obvious reasons... she forgets she's read them or gets frustrated. If we buy her food she binge eats because she forgot she's eaten already.

She's got all the home furnishings etc. she needs, piles and piles of stationery.

I'm at a complete blank (weirdly if don't get her anything she will remember. If she does not like it she will keep talking about the fact I got her something she does not like and if she DOES like it she will keep saying "look what DSIL got me". Normally she likes it but I honestly do not know this time.

If there’s still time then I’d really recommend a photo book with pictures of her family/friends/places she’s lived, worked, or travelled to.
Underneath each picture include a large print caption of who/where it is (e.g. ‘Grandson Steve and his wife Emma’, ‘Holy Trinity Church- Margate’ or ‘You and George on holiday in Tenerife-1992’).
When I worked as a HCA it was nice to be able to chat to patients about the people in the pictures and it really helped if we knew who the pictures were of (some patients got very frustrated if they couldn’t remember the name of the person/place).

This website has some really good ideas for gifts for people with dementia:
dailycaring.com/holiday-gifts-for-seniors-with-dementia-18-perfect-ideas/ (although what’s appropriate will obviously it’ll depend on her individual needs and abilities)

These ‘painting’ kits look really nice: www.amazon.com/Relish-Memories-Aquapaint-Water-Painting/dp/B08HNG1ZSG/ref=as_li_ss_tl?linkCode=sl1&linkId=e4bd8073d50282fb45027d2fac688976&ref_=ast_sto_dp&language=en_US&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

My mum had dementia. It doesn't matter if she doesn't need it. It's still nice to receive. I used to buy my mum new clothes, generally comfortable pull on trousers and soft jumpers. She was always delighted with it - even though she had a wardrobe full of clothes.

Random one, but my DGF absolutely loved Duplo when he had dementia.

He could focus enough to get the satisfaction of building something (usually just a random tower, not a model), and it was big and straightforward enough that he could do it, unlike jigsaws ect.

When my gran had dementia in her 90s. I bought big bouquets of very colourful flowers. It was the only thing to bring her joy. She would stare at the colours for hours

We did a photobook one year of really old photos from her childhood as those were the memories that were firmest.

It was great because she would look through it on her own, with the care staff and with visitors so it allowed you to have a conversation with her even if she was having a bad day for present day/near memories.

It got so worn out with use that we ended up giving her another copy with some more pictures in it the following year.

If she has a CD player, CDs of music from when she was younger?

I made my grandma a sensory pillow with lavender inside and some textural stitched details/buttons etc. she was also blind so it had to be more about feel and smell than look.

Something to hug? A soft teddy, a soft blanket, a soft pillow?

Something with essential oils in scents she likes

@thepastisanothercountry I’m not sure what stage the dementia is at or if she’s in care or at home but what about a nice artificial flower arrangement for her room? My Nan loved hers. Later on she also loves her cuddly toy rabbit 😊 Sending hugs to you...it’s not easy

You can get tiny boxes of choc with only 4 in there so she won’t overeat

I bought my uncle a fidget muff from a dementia charity. It was in the shape of a dog and quite often he would just sit with his hands inside it keeping warm and he would cuddle and stroke it too. My aunt said it was a comfort to him.
I also think the photo album with clear captions is a wonderful idea so she can look at it and anyone with her can talk more knowledgeably about each photo.
You sound very caring, it's not easy, I'm sorry 💐

@makingthebestofit thank you for the Francis firth suggestion, I'd never heard of them. Have just ordered a calender.

When my granny had quite advanced dementia I gave her one of those cuddly toys you can heat up in the microwave and she really liked it. They have a nice weight to them and usually a relaxing scent so even if she forgets/ isn't able to heat it up it may still be something she can enjoy. Other than that she loved sweets and biscuits to the end so food gifts are a good idea IMO.

My mum has dementia and is in a nursing home. I bought a jelly fish lamp and she loves it. On one level she knows the fish aren't real but she loves to watch them.

Last Christmas we bought her a blanket with photos of the family on it. It has been a constant conversation piece. She took it into hospital back in June and it moved from there to the home. Even though she can't see well enough to know who is who she knows they are her grandchildren and she loves it.

This year I have bought her a shaped cushion with a photo of her dog on it and a video greetings card - a bit like a digital photo frame but video.

MY MIL has stage 6 Alzheimers and is in an old people's home so that limits even more what we can get her. She's turning 90 at the end of January. For Christmas we're giving her a rose scented fragrance, an old fashioned bar of soap in a lovely package, that smells lovely too, a soft jumper and a silk scarf. And we're hoping to take her to brunch on Christmas Eve.
For her 90th we've got a photo album of all the family.

If she's still at home & has a garden, try a bird feeder or bird table. Both my grandma & great aunt who had dementia liked sitting by the window watching the birds coming & going.

I just wanted to say that I found this a beautifully touching thread and I love all the creative ways people have come up with to give pleasure to people suffering with dementia.

Flowers and weekly visits. That's what we gave our mum

Painting supplies. Art is brilliant for people with dementia

Photo album of the past

My husband's grandma loved this cushion with a picture of a horse on it that we gave her. She had dementia for years.

She kept saying how beautiful it was and it sat on her large reclining chair. my DH also made a photo album with all the pics of her as a young woman with a baby and also more recent pics.

My DH's grandfather also used to produce a 'newspaper' for her to read everyday. It was about events that happened in the family. She thought it was a real newspaper.

If she likes music, there a digital radio station designed for people with dementia, called M4D.com, where you select an era, eg 1940s, and it plays music from that era all day. Works with Alexa. Or if accessing it from a tablet - there's a picture of a radio with a big on/off switch.

There are fidget items in an online dimentia/Alzheimer's store, we have bought a little wooden thing with beads on a cord for MiL.