How do you remember passed loved ones?

[chillydownwiththefiregang]

I lost my grandmother to Covid- and I'm planning on raising a toast to her this Christmas. I'm interested if anyone has any special ways they remember a loved one at Christmas? ♥️

Do you mind if I follow along?

I lost my mum 10 days ago. I want to do something, but can't think of anything.

I hope that's OK.

Ah Dark I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely Mum

Of course you can... I'm hoping others will provide us with some inspiration x

My dgm died 22 years ago. Every Christmas we mention some bit of my Christmas's past... How she must have spent hours and hours making mince pies and wrapping, or how she came sledging with me as a dc!! My dc sadly can't remember her but love hearing the tales!!
And every Robin we see the dc shout they bet its her!

My DDad died in the summer and DM is coming to ours for this first Christmas without him. It’s going to be odd - I know that we will partly be normal and happy for the children but I’d like to do something too. Nothing over the top as that would probably be too upsetting but I think raising a glass to him at the lunch table as a minimum.

I’ve also got my DC photos of each of them with him and have bought them photo frames with ‘Grandad and me’ on them, plus framed photos of him and my DM (which she knows about) for presents.

@chillydownwiththefiregang

Ah Dark I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely Mum

Of course you can... I'm hoping others will provide us with some inspiration x

Thank you

Before the meal we always raise a glass to "absent friends" (which includes family).

Sorry for all your losses

In lots small ways. I find it too emotional to do a toast. From the tree decoration they gave me, to the little tradition I associate with them. Or the memories of them opening a particularly special present I got them one year.

Last year, I bought a tree decoration in someone's memory , with their names inscribed on it. It'll go up every year now and feels a meaningful way to have them in the room with us, as part of things.

If I'm lucky enough to have kept the last Christmas card they sent me, it's stored away and brought out every year.

You can also bring remember them in ways that aren't Christmas specific, like lighting a candle for them each night (or doing so specially when/if you go to a Carol service).

Or maybe play their favourite music or watch their favourite film. If there's something you used to do together, keep doing it. It can be a really lovely way of passing the tradition on as well, so that children come to know a grandparent in a way you did.

We light a candle each night/main meal for each of our parents (none of whom are with us any longer) over the Christmas period, and this leads to us all reminiscing about them. I have also ordered a “family tree” decoration from Etsy where all the grandparents’ names plus ours are on it, and my son’s name is in the middle, encircled by his parents and both sets of grandparents iyswim. For us, these traditions make them feel close to us during the Christmas period -very important for me as my Mum loved Christmas and put a lot of effort into making it special.

I am sorry for your recent losses, @Sparticle and @Darkpheonix -we lost my lovely MIL in the summer: she was my son’s last remaining grandparent.

My dad died September last year, so last Christmas I bought a bauble with white feathers in and a little "dad" charm for the tree. I've got some photos of him next to my tv all year round and will often raise a glass to him; he's never far from my thoughts. He loved Christmas so my aim is just to try and enjoy it for him.

Like a PP we always raise a glass to absent friends each year and always did as a child. Some years the toast feels more raw if it's the first Christmas that a loved one has passed. My mums lovely friend sadly died on Friday just gone so this year I expect the absent friends toast will have us all in tears. Sorry for anyone experiencing a loss this Christmas x

You could put a lovely photo of them in a clear bauble and they can be with you every Christmas.

A few months after my brother died suddenly and unexpectedly, my SIL came to spend Christmas with us and she brought his ashes with her - and popped a sprig of holly on top. For some reason, even though we were all still grieving terribly, me and my sisters found it wildly amusing that she’d gone to the bother of trying to make the ashes look pretty and Christmassy and fell about in speechless laughter, it definitely brought a moment of levity to the proceedings even though it was very dark humour!

Other than that, I also bought a whole set of baubles based around the ocean that year for my Christmas tree (so like a shell, a lobster, a boat etc) as my brother loved the sea and sailing and it really helped me.

Lost my sister five years ago she adored Christmas so I make sure I still do the big tree however sad I feel. I have a small photo in a frame at the top of my tree 'always the fairy at the top of our tree' and some baubles that relate to her, her initial and a lovely gin bauble (her favourite tipple!)

@BobbieT1999 and @LittleMissPeggySue could you possibly share links/photos of your baubles. That is a wonderful idea and hopefully I’ve got time to get something similar.

Candle lit, prayer, sit and think of speak to them at a quiet time. Look at photos or videos to remember happy times. Talk to family and friends about them. Play a song that we both loved.

We lay a place for the wandering stranger. It means it's for anyone who may knock needing a meal but also to remember those who are absent. For our child that we lost we have decorations on the tree.

@Tickly

We lay a place for the wandering stranger. It means it's for anyone who may knock needing a meal but also to remember those who are absent. For our child that we lost we have decorations on the tree.

Oh gosh laying an extra place.. that's such a lovely thing to do.

We struggled the first two years without DH. The first year, my mum set a place for him at the table and we raised a toast. He always had a different starter from everyone else and it felt odd not having to prepare that. Last year, no place at the table (we decided to try without) but nobody wanted to move into his "space" around the table so we may as well have. We toasted him then too. I bought myself a Christmas present from him.

This year we will toast him and we have all decided to have "his" starter. He leaves a massive hole in our lives, his last Christmas, which was so lovely, was only days before he ended up in hospital so it is always a bittersweet time.

[quote Sparticle]**@BobbieT1999* and @LittleMissPeggySue* could you possibly share links/photos of your baubles. That is a wonderful idea and hopefully I’ve got time to get something similar.[/quote]
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LARGE-CLEAR-FEATHER-FILLED-DAD-MEMORIAL-SHATTERPROOF-BAUBLE-WITH-CHARM-/184307700064?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l6249&mkrid=710-127635-2958-0

This is the one I got I think

@BigTwinkie

Candle lit, prayer, sit and think of speak to them at a quiet time. Look at photos or videos to remember happy times. Talk to family and friends about them. Play a song that we both loved.

Did you mean to say speak to them? I've never done that before... I'm quite an introverted person I don't even speak to myself. I feel like I need to start doing both.

We have a special candle that we light at the start of dinner every Christmas day. Same candle for the last 4 years and we raise a glass and talk about the mad shite she done over Christmases past

So sorry for all your losses everyone

@elizabethdraper

We have a special candle that we light at the start of dinner every Christmas day. Same candle for the last 4 years and we raise a glass and talk about the mad shite she done over Christmases past

This is a lovely idea. Thank you.

I make a biodegradable beautiful wreath, full of treats for birds, using greenery from the garden and pine cones.