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Christmas

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Original poster

No presents at Christmas?

102 replies

XmasSadface · 12/12/2021 13:47

Every year me and sis go to our parents for christmas, and my aunt and uncle go there too. My parents like to be in control running the show.

So we're all adults. None of us are hard up. Sometimes we do secret Santa but often the "rule" is we dont do presents.

Is it just me or is this quite sad? I think even if we only bought for a tenner per person, it's just kind of..nice to do christmas presents? It just feels a bit deflating and unfestive?

OP posts:
Duchess379 · 15/12/2021 21:12

We're a family of 3 - me, mum & dad (I'm the main carer for my mum) We haven't done presents for years, we can't be bothered. We just spend the money on food & drink. Suits us fine. 🎄

Antsgomarching · 15/12/2021 22:36

Some people just don’t care for gifts. I want very little and those things I want I buy for myself. Otherwise it just clutters the place up. That sounds bah-humbug but I like xmas where we cook together, there are games and laughing. This year we are giving small things to each other so DD (2) can give a present instead of just receiving them. (This will be a box of retenoids for me and some socks for her dad 😬)

CiaoEB · 16/12/2021 00:15

I’d love the option of not having to race around organising Christmas presents. I only ever buy presents for kids. I have zero interest in getting presents myself. Presents don’t represent love to me, they’re just about obligation. I’d rather have a lovely day with lots of food and drinks and family and friends and going to look at the lights than sit there watching people unwrap endless plastic garbage and have a big pouty cry for the next few days about how it’s so unfair and not special enough and they never get what they wanted anyway.

TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine · 16/12/2021 02:29

Might be a bit of an unpopular opinion, but what happened to “it’s the thought that counts”? It’s not about spending lots of money on lavish gifts, or buying tat for the sake of it. It’s about finding something within your budget, or making something, that you think the other person will like or find useful or be made to laugh by etc. So they know you’ve been thinking about them. (For adults that is, children just want ALL THE STUFF!)

Ionsion · 16/12/2021 03:01

I think it’s lazy and a bit miserly to be honest

RobertSmithsLipstick · 16/12/2021 03:10

I'd do a double secret Santa between you and your sister.
Arrange to meet in a cupboard somewhere and open a gift from eachother.

Macmickmoo · 16/12/2021 03:39

@TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine

Might be a bit of an unpopular opinion, but what happened to “it’s the thought that counts”? It’s not about spending lots of money on lavish gifts, or buying tat for the sake of it. It’s about finding something within your budget, or making something, that you think the other person will like or find useful or be made to laugh by etc. So they know you’ve been thinking about them. (For adults that is, children just want ALL THE STUFF!)
You don’t want to know my thoughts when I’m traipsing around the over crowded shops looking for gifts for people who don’t need anything - and they are not positive, warm and glowing. They are just another item ticked off a very long to do list. I hate gift shopping it’s utterly pointless - wrapping up token gifts? Who needs more junk?
Macmickmoo · 16/12/2021 03:50

"I think if everyone can afford it, then yes, it's quite sad." We can afford it but it brings me no pleasure - not the giving or receiving of tat. If it’s the thought that counts think of me through the year - cook me dinner, send me a nice text or WhatsApp or even a card with a note inside telling me all your news - these things make me smile and feel thought of - a token gift at Christmas that I feel obliged to reciprocate- not so much!

TinselTottyTart · 16/12/2021 05:07

Hum. I am a week before Christmas baby. Always a joint present for my birthday. I now hold a slap up lunch every year so at least i get some presents from my friends . My comfortable siblings do not buy gifts (tight arsed) but like coming to me for a free lunch. If I don't offer to host they don't come. I would buy gifts op if you want to. Your money.

sunnyandshare · 16/12/2021 05:29

It doesn't have to be sad, just say you want to do gifts! I hate the thought of buying token presents for the sake of it, that's more stuff for the charity shop bag.

garlictwist · 16/12/2021 05:44

DP and I did no presents last year at my request as I decided it was a bit pointless for us to spend money for the sake of it. However on reflection it made the day a bit empty and I missed it so we are back to doing presents again this year.

Macmickmoo · 16/12/2021 05:48

It’s a tricky dilemma when some people want to do gifts and others don’t. Always amazed how often not wanting to buy gifts is seen as tight arsed - are people wanting to take part in gifting grabby? - gift giving is a two way transaction, it rarely goes one way and the values are often agreed if sometimes unspoken - so it’s more like you give me £30 worth of stuff you hope I’ll like and I’ll give you £30 stuff I hope you’ll like - there is little generosity in that, so how could not wanting to take part he seen as tight.

Suzi888 · 16/12/2021 05:49

@GoodTid

'We have had a crap year so I decided to buy to all a present! BTW I'm going home on boxing day'
^ Or the day after Wink
ShippingNews · 16/12/2021 05:50

I'd send a message " It's been a tough year so I'm doing presents for everyone this Christmas . If anyone else is happy to do it, that's great !" and leave it at that. Don't just roll over and let your parents run the show, you're all adults, you can all have some good ideas . Good luck !

Honeymint · 16/12/2021 06:10

It does sound a bit sad. I could understand stand if everyone wanted it that was but if the hosts have forbidden it that seems a bit gloomy.

We usually do presents with my family but just a secret Santa with DH’s family. It works well but I’m glad we have that other day.

This year my family have decided to do stockings for each other: each person buys something for each other person (budget about £10) and we’ll put all the things in stockings for Christmas morning!
It’s cheap and with only 1-2 presents from each person it should all be useful stuff people actually want. Maybe ask your parents about something like that?

Bananarama21 · 16/12/2021 06:14

I couldn't imagine not getting my dc presents as adults. We get presents off my parents and inlaws and love picking something out for each other its a nice treat.

home2012 · 16/12/2021 06:17

You need to reset the rules. Simply state "I'm hosting next year". If they don't come they don't come. It's just about breaking the cycle

stayathomer · 16/12/2021 06:19

Maybe they're asking because they want presents too!! Start up either secret Santa or gift giving again. It was probably just said somewhere along the way

Original poster
XmasSadface · 16/12/2021 06:24

God what's with people whining about "tat"?

If you buy tat that's on you. For £20/£30 a person you don't need to buy tat. Personally I don't think it's hard to buy a gift for someone if you like them either!

OP posts:
ChimChimeny · 16/12/2021 06:27

How.old are you & your sister? No one is forcing you to stay for a week in th middle.of nowhere, why don't you & your sister have the Christmas you actually want somewhere else??

Original poster
XmasSadface · 16/12/2021 06:29

Because they would be really hurt and we would feel so guilty

OP posts:
pompomsgalore · 16/12/2021 06:33

Time to start changing things if you don't like the set up.
It doesn't have to be in a controversial or combative way.
Announce this year that you've done presents and explain why like you have on this thread.

At Christmas this year bring up that you quote fancy doing something different next time. Float a few ideas and see how everyone responds.

Goatinthegarden · 16/12/2021 06:48

@OrangeCrunch

I think if everyone can afford it, then yes, it's quite sad.

If it's a system that everyone is happy with however, then it's not a problem, but you and your sister aren't, so....

I actually think it's quite lazy. Even if it's just a token gift (again, if you can afford it) My parents don't buy each other gifts and I hate it. They can afford to, they just can't be bothered. I always end up over compensating with my gifts to them, because I feel bad for them on the day...which I know is nuts! Confused

This is weird to me. DH and I don’t buy each other presents. We can afford to treat ourselves to the things we need want, when we need/want them. We choose things for our home together and use them straight away. I’m particular about the things that I like. If I wanted a coat for example, I will choose one. I wouldn’t want DH to guess at what I might like and spend his money on it. I’m not sad because we don’t secretly buy each other items, wrap them up and hope the other is pleased with it.

We show each other love by listening to one another, doing nice things for one another and going places together and having fun. His time is far more important to me than gifts. I try to show my love for my family and friends by giving my time (we do buy gifts for all the children, despite not having any of our own).

I think if OP and her sister would like presents, then they should exchange them with one another.

Original poster
XmasSadface · 16/12/2021 06:59

@Goatinthegarden

But he wouldn't need to buy you a coat, he could just buy you a book he has heard about and thought you would really enjoy, or if he has noticed you are running low on your favourite perfume he could get you a set, or if you've expressed an interest in supporting local artists he could get you a ceramic mug, if through lockdown you started really getting into film he could get you a Mubi subscription etc.

To me buying presents isnt about buying tat its about showing you care because you have listened to them, and giving them something they might not have thought to get themselves.

OP posts:
CariadWelshcake · 16/12/2021 07:04

I've just seen in my family group someone has said "so no presents this year?" 🙈

Just say no, I’ve been thinking about this and myself and sister will be buying presents for all of us but no one needs to reciprocate.