Husband ruining all my plans

[mrswormwood1]

Just need to moan and feel sorry for myself with you all! And possible hear someone call my husband a pig? Will definitely cheer me up 😂
My son is 2 and finally understands who Santa is and that Santa is gonna bring him presents this year..
I've been saving my pennies for months and been so careful about what gifts I pick for my son because I wanted things I know he would love and appreciate
I ended up with about 4 presents for him but each and every one was thought out and special..
I just want to make it a lovely memory for him and us..
only problem is my husband.
About a week or two ago I left my husband to watch my son for a couple hours while I went to the hospital for an appointment (pregnant) when I came back my husband had found a hidden presents and opened it and gave it to my son! I was a bit annoyed but not too unhappy as it was only a bubble bath set so not one of the main presents! This morning however I've woken up to my son playing with the most expensive and the present I was most excited about to see his reaction when he opens it on Christmas morning!
I've saved and shopped and planned everything to make this special and he keeps ruining it! I don't have a lot of money to keep replacing gifts at this rate my little one will have nothing left to open on Christmas Day..

[NettleTea]

my ex used to sabotage anything that wasnt all about him. I didnt see it at first and excused him because, he too, came from a culture where they didnt really (I believed) celebrate Christmas or birthdays. But he sure as hell celebrated the ones he wanted to. just not mine, or anyones that wasnt his.

[MeridianB]

Another vote for this being no accident. Who unwraps a hidden present, let alone gives it to a child? I’m sorry OP but your husband is a total arse.

[DappyApple]

I’m really struggling to understand how your Dh doesn’t get the concept of Christmas. Even if he and his family never really did Christmas, I’m assuming you’ve spoken to him how others do things differently and how you want things done for your son.

Did you not make it Crystal clear after him giving the bath set, that the rest were strictly off limits until Christmas. If you did and he gave him another present anyway then not only is he Thick as shit, but he is totally disregarding and disrespecting you.

I’d move your hiding place straight away, don’t tell him where they are or before you know it he will have dished your sons presents out one by one and there’ll be nothing left to give by Christmas Day!

You have a serious Dh problem here!

[mrswormwood1]

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

He does stupid things like this all the time if I'm honest not in an attempt to be nasty but I think pure stupidity

It's not stupidity, it's deliberate, he knows exactly what he's doing. I bet he sabotages lots of things in a horrible passive agressive way.


He'd never celebrated Christmas before I met him

What, his parents never cooked xmas dinner and brought him a gift? Seriously?

His mother walked out on him when he was 2 and his dad remarried a 19 year old who didn't care for him and kicked him out as soon as he turned 16
He never celebrated

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Wow. What a prick. No way this is not malicious.

[19Bears]

He's totally done this on purpose, for whatever reason. I read a lot of shocking things on here, but this one really made me gasp. Furious for you OP

[Rangoon]

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

OP, my ex was like this, sabataged everything and "accidently" broke or ruined my things. When you're in it, you can't see it, and you can't think clearly either, it's confusing. But one of the best bits of advice I got on mumsnet was to just spend a couple of months observing him and his behaviour, in a detached but non-judgemental way.

It was eye-opening. When you take emotion out of it and start just analysing what they are doing, you start to get clarity.

I so agree with this view. I don't think any adult is stupid enough to do this by accident - not once but twice.

[smoko]

Oh FFS nobody living in the Western world doesn't understand what Xmas & Santa is. It's one of the biggest retail days of the year.

You presumably celebrated Xmas last year.

He might have had shit Christmases, but he still had them in some form. He knew it was Xmas Day & other families were having happy times.

[SparklyGlasses]

He sounds passive aggressive to me - I'd do a bit of reading around it and see if it makes sense. He didn't want you to buy the present and is annoyed you went ahead and did it anyway so he ruins it for you and then comes up with flimsy excuses. He KNEW this was a big deal for you and he deliberately ruined it.

[Masdintle]

Why was he going out to work when he was in charge of the child at home?

I'm sorry he had a fucked-up childhood but that's no excuse to fuck up his own child's.

[EKGEMS]

Even if you believe this dumbass "didn't realize what he was doing" his pitiful excuse to give the child a gift "cause he was crying when I was leaving for work" is piss poor parenting in itself so you really need a good, long think about being with this Bozo and tolerating his insanity.

[Hoppinggreen]

Sounds like he had a tough start but so did a lot of people

[Embracelife]

@mrswormwood1

He'd never celebrated Christmas before I met him and never understood the magic of it for a child but he does get involved and let me run wild with it
I even managed to get him to dress up as Santa I just think the whole concept of it doesn't make sense to him
He doesn't realise he's done something so bad
But I guarantee you he will be getting replacements for it
(Even though I've managed to get it back into the box and ready for wrapping)
He made a mistake to do this this morning as we are off to a big shopping centre later on to meet Santa and I will be getting more Christmas presents for my son AND myself

Ah so dh has not understood the whole Christmas thing.
Did you explain it?
Does his culture have gift giving on certain days?
Sit and watch a Hollywood Christmas movie with him and talk him through it

[HoardingSamphireSaurus]

His mother walked out on him when he was 2 and his dad remarried a 19 year old who didn't care for him and kicked him out as soon as he turned 16
He never celebrated

Doesn't mean he doesn't know what it is and that what he did was not calculated to upset you.

My own DH had an horrific childhood. But he is always careful to try and see the joy in the things he missed out on. He makes a conscious decision to enjoy any occasion without wallowing in his past bitterness. I wouldn't be with him if he couldn't separate me from his childhood family.

What you are describing is a man who actively wants you and his child to be as miserable as he was as a child. That's not healthy and you don't have to accept it.

[Shedmistress]

His mother walked out on him when he was 2 and his dad remarried a 19 year old who didn't care for him and kicked him out as soon as he turned 16. He never celebrated

And he wants to sabotage his own kids in revenge?

What a guy.

[ClawedButler]

I am sorry he had such a shit childhood. But surely that would make him even more determined that his kids won't endure the same?

[Teensbeingteens]

Oh OP, I agree with the majority here. Your 'DH' did this on purpose. He doesn't respect you or your choices and for whatever strange reason this was a punishment of sorts.

You say this is the tip of the iceberg - which means you know there are other issues at hand. Please don't make anymore excuses for his behaviour - you know he's in the wrong.

[IncompleteSenten]

All the more reason why a decent person would want their child to have everything they never got to have

[TheRigatonini]

WHAT, why would he do that?!?!

I would be livid. WTF.

[Thelnebriati]

He isnt just ruining all your plans, he is also ruining your childs experience of Christmas. And I agree with the other posters, he's doing this deliberately.

[Snugglepumpkin]

He deliberately took the expensive gift & gave it to your son so he got the 'credit' for giving it to your son, rather than you or the two of you as one unit, or Santa etc...

He has managed to leave for work countless times without having to dig out an expensive thing to give a child who will have been upset their dad was leaving the house before, it's a fair bit of effort for him to have done that when he could have just given your child a biscuit or an empty cardboard box & got the same result.

You have a DH problem.

[WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor]

If this was a completely isolated incident then he might just be stupid. But it’s isn’t is it. So either he’s deliberately passive aggressive or so narcissistic he can’t see beyond his own interests. Either way I’d be having serious doubts about this relationship.

[Double3xposure]

His mother walked out on him when he was 2 and his dad remarried a 19 year old who didn't care for him and kicked him out as soon as he turned 16 He never celebrated

Most parents who had a less than happy childhood themselves are usually DESPERATE to make things special for them own children. I wonder why your partner is the opposite and wants to spoil Christmas for his son .

Or is it you OP that he’s trying to spoil Christmas for ? Is he passive aggressive in other ways ?

[BigFatLiar]

Even if he hasn't been in he habit of celebrating Christmas I still don't get why he wouldn't be joining in getting presents and preparing for Christmas with you.

Children get excited about the presents and Santa etc but we used to love planning, decorating and getting presents together. It's something that you should be doing together.

[timeisnotaline]

What a nasty thing to do to you. Taking your efforts and savings to make it special for your son and treating it like it’s nothing. You should be pretty pissed off, it’s hard to believe this is anything other than deliberate to put you in your place to be honest.!