How to tell friend I no longer want to exchange presents

[BillyBarryBoo]

I am sure some people enjoy choosing presents for family and friends , finding the perfect thing etc.
I am not one of these people!

I have narrowed presents down to family and god children. Hallelujah!

And... One other friend. I do not want to get her a present, or receive a present from her. I have tried in other years to stop exchanging presents. I told her one year I was not swapping presents with her, proceeded to not get her a present. She of course then got me a present anyway and was sad when I had nothing for her. I just feel a leaden sense of obligation (dramatic I know). I cannot keep doing this every Christmas...

So, a breezy " Hey, just to say I'm keeping presents to family this year". Would it suffice? How else to word it? I also don't want her to get a present for my DC. Literally a card is what I'm happy with.

Any suggestions?

Breezy isn't going to cut it. You'll have to be more clear.

As above. Breezy hasn't worked. You need to be direct.

I think you just need to say it clearly, however she may have already bought for you and your dc this year, so that might be tricky.

You could say you aren't doing presents for anyone but family, but suggest that you both go somewhere nice for lunch after Christmas and pay for yourselves, in lieu.

Some years ago now, we had this with a very intense group member who was just desperate to have lots of gifts from friends to show her family. The rest of us agreed to only exchange with her, and not each other. In tome the friendship faded with us all as she was so needy and overwhelming, Is your friend a bit vulnerable in some way, that gifts are part of self worth ?

@RobertSmithsLipstick

You could say you aren't doing presents for anyone but family, but suggest that you both go somewhere nice for lunch after Christmas and pay for yourselves, in lieu.

This is good answer. Then that can fade away.

Might it be a bit late for this year if she already has something ?

I know she might have bought already, but there's still a month to go so I feel there's still time.
"Hi X , we're cutting back on spending this year. I'm only going to be getting presents for family.". That's the easy part. How do I say "please don't buy anything for us?"

Does she have family? Because if not then saying presents are only for family is really rubbing salt in the wound. For some people friends are family.
I’d do as PP suggested and say let’s go out for afternoon tea as each other’s present.

You've left it too late for this year now.

Exchanging gifts can be meaningful and your friend obviously thinks so.

And you do too to some extent because you give to other family and friends.
Leaving her out understandably makes her feel hurt.
Not everyone has the budget, but some of the best gifts I have ever received have literally cost pennies.

I've been doing experiences with my friends for years in lieu of presents and I'm one of those people who loves to buy thoughtful presents!
Just frame it as we are so busy and never get to have fun together anymore so how about we buy a ticket to this gig/play/afternoon tea whatever suits ye instead of buying stuff for each other.

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit yes, you are right. She is vulnerable and probably measures her self worth with the amount of friends she has = the amount of presents she exchanges.
Which further puts pressure on me

'Hi friend. I need to cut back this year so I'm not exchanging gifts with anyone outside immediate family. I'd love to meet you for a celebratory lunch but please don't do presents for me or DS as I am not buying any. I know you are really kind and generous but it would make me uncomfortable if you gave DS or me a gift. I hope you understand! Lots of love'

A little late for this year, I would have thought, my friend & I discussed this weeks ago. No harm in posing the question, but be prepared for your friend to say they have already bought & wrapped a gift for you. If so, make it the last year.

I'd buy something generic - nice but not expensive. Potted hyacinth bulbs or some nice nail polish. If you don't have to put too much effort into the planning and it doesn't cost much, it's no big deal for you but means a lot to her.

Shes your friend and this is clearly important to her. Would it really be a huge imposition to just buy her a small gift. It doesn't sound like money is an issue just that you can't be arsed which is pretty mean really

Ok too late for this year.
It's not the financial cost, it's the searching for something that I just rebel against.
I will take the idea on board of something easy and generic.
Thank you

@NynaeveSedai I'll use your wording next year, thank you!

To late for this year imo. Get her something then tell her clearly in January you are no longer doing presents. Reiterate it next September /October, then if she buys you something say you didnt expect it as you had said no presents, but thank you then do not buy her anything in return. She'll get the hint eventually.

@XiCi this friend has caused me hurt in the past through thoughtlessness. I try to maintain a friendly distance as I don't want to hurt her feelings (though she hurt mine). I feel that exchanging gifts keeps her closer than I am comfortable with.
There's usually a back story to these things, it's not just that I can't be arsed. It's that I have a certain amount of emotional energy that has to go round everyone and I find this friend takes up a lot of it

Honestly I'd just say "I don't want to exchange presents anymore. I wanted to give you plenty of notice so you're not disappointed when you don't receive anything from me."

If you really feel like you have to get her something, book an afternoon tea or take her for lunch on you.

I think it’s too late this year, mine are all done and wrapped, although I suppose she could always use it elsewhere

Why not just text and say bern thinking, this year is the last year I am buying gifts for anyone other than immediate family, just thought i would let you know

Then don’t get anything, she hands anything over next year refuse and say oh but I texted you we won’t be doing oresents

Tell her this year you’re donating to charity, and she really wants to buy she’s welcome to donate to charity too, but you and your DC really don’t need anything so please not to get you anything.

Do you ever have a generic 'that'll do for anyone' present stashed away in case of an unexpected gift that you would feel bad not to reciprocate for? (I've only done this once in my life, before you get any ideas)
Get one of these, for her.
Something from a garden centre would do it.

For next year if you really don't want to I think you need to explain it as you have done here. There's no point watering it down for the sake of possible politeness. She'll know you've not given her the full story so will probs expect you're not telling her something....like you don't like the gifts or you don't like her.

I think you should have an open and honest conversation and explain how the pressure of it just stresses you out.

I don’t think it’s too late for this year , she can always return what she has bought you / gift it to someone else if she’s already bought something . I had this exact dilemma and simply texted the person and said ‘shall we call time on exchanging gifts now’ , the person involved responded with ‘good shout , see you soon ‘ . Job done .