Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

How to tell friend I no longer want to exchange presents

56 replies

BillyBarryBoo · 26/11/2021 18:28

I am sure some people enjoy choosing presents for family and friends , finding the perfect thing etc.
I am not one of these people!

I have narrowed presents down to family and god children. Hallelujah!

And... One other friend. I do not want to get her a present, or receive a present from her. I have tried in other years to stop exchanging presents. I told her one year I was not swapping presents with her, proceeded to not get her a present. She of course then got me a present anyway and was sad when I had nothing for her. I just feel a leaden sense of obligation (dramatic I know). I cannot keep doing this every Christmas...

So, a breezy " Hey, just to say I'm keeping presents to family this year". Would it suffice? How else to word it? I also don't want her to get a present for my DC. Literally a card is what I'm happy with.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
SallyWebsterr · 26/11/2021 19:48

@BillyBarryBoo You have tried the no gifts before and, as you say, it didnt work. So why not turn it into a game. Say that this year you are trying to cut down on the amount of items you bring into your house. So instead you would like to take one another out to lunch in 2022. When its your turn you have to choose the place and impress the other (tasty menu / certain themed decor etc). Im sure you go for lunches with her anyway so this isnt costing you anything and she may be happy with putting the effort into this

Throughabushbackwards · 26/11/2021 20:18

I'd just get her a really nice card this year, write something meaningful in it so she knows you've thought of her but don't buy her anything. She can't get snippy about that IMO. I'd never judge a friend for simply giving a card or some handmade trifle. It's nice to be thought of at all.

Moon22 · 26/11/2021 20:45

Could you not say, lets go out for a bite to eat/ bottle of wine this year instead of swapping gifts.. you've always been super generous but I think after covid it would be so nice to spend some time togethers instead of buying material things.
OR...just accept that she's your mate and get her something small... chocolates and wine from supermarket would do it.
Possibly turning into a bigger thing than necessary..

Beautiful3 · 26/11/2021 20:51

I think its not too late to send a message, " hi, because of finances, we're not exchanging presents at Christmas." Nothing wrong with that at all.

Lovelymincepies · 26/11/2021 20:57

I hate this too. I’m a single person with a single child. Other people’s families are bigger than mine. I can’t afford it. I tell people not to get me presents. It gets ignored and then I end up feeling guilty.

I can’t afford anything really decent and so crap gifts just gets passed around. I hate it. I don’t need anything and Christmas should just be for your families children.

So much pressure x

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 26/11/2021 21:13

[quote BillyBarryBoo]@EineReiseDurchDieZeit yes, you are right. She is vulnerable and probably measures her self worth with the amount of friends she has = the amount of presents she exchanges.
Which further puts pressure on me[/quote]
It's too late for this year. After Christmas thank her for her present, but say from now on you'd really like to do something different, instead of buying each other presents set aside some time to go out fir dinner/lunch/theatre/gig/walk/whatever instead as you're really wanting to be more environmentally friendly blah blah blah...

tearinghairout · 26/11/2021 21:18

I think you need to spell it out to her. I don't think it's too late - it's still November ffs! When SIL decided she didn't want to buy/receive family presents any more she just announced it, and it was a relief, tbh.

EllieLucy · 26/11/2021 21:21

, a breezy " Hey, just to say I'm keeping presents to family this year". Would it suffice? How else to word it? I also don't want her to get a present for my DC. Literally a card is what I'm happy with.

Do it and don't feel guilty. She can get you what she wants. Say "oh thanks, you didn't need to", smile and hug. Ignore sad faces, it's manipulation, you told her, her choice not to listen.

boymum88 · 26/11/2021 21:23

Never get friends gifts now, we have all agreed that we go into London for the day and watch a show and have some drinks, a nice girly day out, ( we try and do it twice a year) why not suggest that you don't do gifts and have a nice time out together ?

EllieLucy · 26/11/2021 21:24

@Lovelymincepies

I hate this too. I’m a single person with a single child. Other people’s families are bigger than mine. I can’t afford it. I tell people not to get me presents. It gets ignored and then I end up feeling guilty.

I can’t afford anything really decent and so crap gifts just gets passed around. I hate it. I don’t need anything and Christmas should just be for your families children.

So much pressure x

Tell them you're broke and can't afford anything else present wise except your own DC. Brush off sympathy, you're fine just can't afford extras. Never, ever tell them if you're no longer broke. Be broke forever.
MMAMPWGHAP · 26/11/2021 21:31

Just tell her and be done with it. Use some sort of COP26/Greta Thunberg moment of enlightenment as an excuse.
It is definitely not too late for this year. She’s probably one of those people who finishes buying a load of generic gifts in March each year. She can recycle whatever she has bought to someone else.

I have a friends some of whom when we get together have a tendancy to get something for the kids. I have made it very clear over the years that I don’t want to do this and I am steadfast in this. Kids are now teens and gifts are 3 for 2 Boots gift sets that end up in the Charity shop in January.
I’m not a massive Green, but ffs this giving of unwanted tat has to stop,

MMAMPWGHAP · 26/11/2021 21:33

PS I reckon 90% of this unwanted gift giving is initiated by women. Don’t think there are many men friends agonising over these problems. Why do women make such unnecessary work for themselves?

BootsScootsAndToots · 26/11/2021 21:39

I don't think it's too late for this year. And if she's bought you something she can always take it back?

But I'd definitely being sending that text, so that it's clear if you do have to go ahead this year, that you're over it and not doing it next year.

I'm with you on this one though OP. There's only so much of me I can give at the moment and I'm also running low.

DameFanny · 26/11/2021 21:43

Get her an Oxfam goat or make a donation to Care for Calais in her name. Either way someone benefits, and if she takes offence and stops wanting to exchange, your problem is solved

EIIa · 26/11/2021 22:02

Blame it on landfill

I only buy people fun experiences

Life’s too short for tat

Pawprintpaper · 26/11/2021 22:12

@XiCi

Shes your friend and this is clearly important to her. Would it really be a huge imposition to just buy her a small gift. It doesn't sound like money is an issue just that you can't be arsed which is pretty mean really
This… maybe it’s her love language? It matters to her to mark your friendship in this way
Luredbyapomegranate · 26/11/2021 22:41

@RobertSmithsLipstick

You could say you aren't doing presents for anyone but family, but suggest that you both go somewhere nice for lunch after Christmas and pay for yourselves, in lieu.
This is a good idea
Original poster
BillyBarryBoo · 03/12/2021 14:43

Thank you all for the advice. I have decided to get friend a book and a bar of chocolate. And discuss again in the new year that I would like to stop exchanging presents.

OP posts:
CactusLemonSpice · 03/12/2021 14:54

What's the specific issue? Cost? Or just hassle?

If it's hassle why don't you just bulk buy a few gifts for the next couple of years so each year you just get one out of the box and put it in a gift bag?

SecondClassmyass · 03/12/2021 15:40

Take her for a Christmas lunch as a present

Gearedtoyou · 03/12/2021 15:46

You just have to tell her and if she's previously ignored you and got you something despite agreeing that you wouldn't, you should have said Oh but we said we woudln;t do presents anymore and left it at that.

However, if she's a Christmas person, who's been thinking about it for weeks, it's too late for this year. I exchanged presents with a friend for our children for years. As they got older it got harder and harder to think of something suitable and it was all a bit of a nonsense. When she said "shall we not bother anymore?", that was good news to me, except I'd already bought the presents for that year!

2bazookas · 03/12/2021 16:35

Tell her you are not buying or receiving presents this year.

You will be making a tax-free donation to your favourite charity, and if you receive presents you'll be sending them to a charity shop.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 03/12/2021 16:59

"hi, I don't want to do gifts anymore, I just don't have the mental energy. so please don't buy me or my kids any from this year onwards. thanks"

speakout · 03/12/2021 17:19

Thank you all for the advice. I have decided to get friend a book and a bar of chocolate. And discuss again in the new year that I would like to stop exchanging presents.

It all sounds very exciting!!

Gilly12345 · 03/12/2021 18:18

It probably is too late for this Christmas, this is a direct conversation you should of had back in the Autumn.

In the future just go out for a meal together or afternoon tea?

Swipe left for the next trending thread