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Christmas

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Original poster

If you don't have a huge extended family and lots of friends like all the Christmas ads on TV

62 replies

Monr0e · 06/11/2021 18:45

Then what does your Christmas look like and do you enjoy it?

I am an only child. DH has a sister but we never see her. I just have my mum, DH's dad and step mum live miles away. We usually see them for an afternoon in December. So Christmas is just us and our 2 dc's who are now 11 and 15. I have some lovely close friends but not enough to fill the house.

It doesn't usually bother me, but this year, when I see all the Christmas ads with houses bursting at the seams with family and friends and massive Christmas parties, it just seems to remind me how small my circle is. Probably not helped by the fact I've tried to arrange to meet up with one of my closest friends and she is fully booked with activities, friends and seeing family until the new year.

I know I am very lucky to have what I have
I guess it's just making me a bit low this evening.

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 06/11/2021 22:07

Me and dp, dp especially, do have big families but we don't spend Christmas with them. Our Christmas consists of dragging the kids out for hours to visit his family and exchange gifts, and then it used tk be back tk my mum and dad's for dinner with them and my brother, bow they have split its very awkward but mum still makes the dinner so we will go to her and my brother and my dad will have to ckme for breakfast or something. Honestly I love the festive period bit I actually hate Christmas day.

bigbluebus · 06/11/2021 22:35

It's only been our household on Christmas day for about the last 15 years since my parents decided they didn't want to travel to us for Christmas any more. So it's just me, DH and adult DS. We usually have friends round for a glass of fizz for an hour in the morning (obviously not last year) then DH & DS crack on with cooking dinner. After dinner we go for a walk then collapse on the sofa and watch TV. It's a lot less stressful when you don't have to cater for and entertain other people.

Hollyhead · 06/11/2021 22:38

I do have a family big enough for an advert style Christmas but we never do it as the reality is nothing like the adverts! Nowhere to sit, hot stuffy rooms, moaning children, spilt drinks, crisp crumbs on the carpet, an uncle droning on about Brexit etc etc! Best gatherings have a maximum of 8 in my experience but preferably 6.

Bagadverts · 06/11/2021 22:44

@Holidaytan

You can’t possibly be serious in thinking an advert is reflective of real life!
Not exactly, but ads are seductive. Also it isn’t just the ads. A lot of Christmas films also portray happy families and gatherings.

I live alone (do go to small family for Christmas). The size of things increases - massive tins of sweets, a bag of carrots or pack of chicken that will feed 6 or 8 rather than 4 (which is already big for me).

CyberPumpkin · 06/11/2021 23:00

I'd love a house big enough to host loads of people for Christmas but I wouldn't want them to actually come! Grin

neamchimpsky · 06/11/2021 23:13

Don't watch the ads! Seriously, we stopped watching ads years ago and all our lives are happier for it. In terms of christmas, we have made our small family christmas be what suits us and bugger what "everyone else" does. Not too many, but thoughtful presents, board games, food everyone likes, a film or two, a walk if it's not raining, and (for me) a steady supply of bucks fizz. It's always a lovely day.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/11/2021 00:40

Single parent with family miles away who'd sooner fly to the moon than spend Christmas with us, so it's just me and DD. They 'don't do Christmas presents' either which means I haven't had a Christmas present for years but at least I don't have to spend money on them either!

I do feel sad that I can't give DD an exciting family packed day but she doesn't know any different and when I hear friends are catering for 14 people I thank the lord I don't have to do that!

sheerclear · 07/11/2021 07:52

There's me, my DH, my sister, her DH, nephew, my Mum and step-dad. It's all really relaxed and I don't think anyone has offered/bothered about hosting this year. We do our own thing but still fit in time together, not necessarily on Christmas Day.

Getting my group of close friends together is a challenge though. We booked a Christmas date 2 months ago.

dancinfeet · 07/11/2021 08:13

Just me and my two DDs every year. No other family visits us, and we don’t visit them despite all of my extended family living 45 mins away, it has been like this for the last 15 years.

Blurp · 07/11/2021 09:11

DH is from a big family, so Christmas is about 15 people in the house. It's never remotely like the ads. It's kids screaming and bickering, stressed-out adults, mountains of dishes to do and a heap of plastic (noisy) toys.

Growing up we had 6 at Christmas and it was much nicer (IMO).

cobblers123 · 07/11/2021 09:19

I will probably be on my own this Christmas, my dad is in a care home now. It used to be him, me and my brother (his family "don't do Christmas").

I'm ok with it, I will visit my dad in the morning, then go to my cousin's house to see my aunt and uncle - he has asked me to stay to lunch but I'm not sure that I will.

I don't mind being on my own, I can have more than one drink if I want, don't spend lots of money on food and sweets and other useless junk, it will be just me and the cat. I can watch crap on the TV or read my book or just do absolutely nothing at all.

Quite looking forward to it ....

TheOneWithTwoParties · 07/11/2021 09:24

We could have big family Christmases but have chosen small ones, us and the kids, as the noise and craziness doesn't work for our kids. It's lovely. We volunteer at our local parkrun so we'll be out for the Christmas Day parkrun which is a really cheery and lovely way to start the day. Then home for breakfast and presents and a nice chilled out day doing whatever we fancy. It's never felt unspecial and I'm really glad parkrun will be back this year as I missed it last year.

lollipoprainbow · 07/11/2021 09:50

It's just me, my dd and her dad on Christmas Day. My dad died when I was 14, my mum is in a home with advanced dementia. My dd's other granny is in a care home and her grandpa died 2 years ago. My lovely sister died 5 years ago. My brother and children usually visit on Boxing Day. My dd has four other cousins on her dads side but him and his brother are estranged and don't speak so we have nothing to do with them! We used to have big family Christmases when everyone was still here and well so it's very hard now it's so small. My dd still enjoys it though.

lollipoprainbow · 07/11/2021 09:51

@Farcry66 same !! Lost my sister five years ago, that advert makes me sad.

Original poster
Monr0e · 07/11/2021 10:01

Wishing everyone a wonderful peaceful Christmas when it comes, however big or small 🎄

I know we will have a lovely day. Going to book a few extra activities in for the run up and enjoy and be grateful for what we have.

OP posts:
jjj321 · 07/11/2021 10:32

We have fairly large families on both sides. I appreciate we're lucky not to be on our own. But another vote for it not being like the i
idyllic Christmases you see on adverts. The more people, the more it becomes an event of mass catering, whether prepping, serving, clearing up, unstacking the dishwasher etc.

The bit I enjoy the most is sitting down for half an hour with a cup of tea and having a proper chat with people before the madness starts again with food, presents, games etc. Then there's the usually underlying family tensions, whether with divorced partners who have been invited but didn't really want to come or my parents making rather blunt remarks about weight etc to my siblings.

And the negotiations on who hosts and on what day. I know I'll miss it when our family events contract in size but it is exhausting and has its downsides. My favourite part is when it's just us and the kids, watching a film or playing a game. But our parents love seeing their grandchildren and I don't want them to feel left out.

Pasithea · 07/11/2021 10:41

My family hate me, I hate them. Don’t care live on a farm. Animals don’t know it’s Christmas neither will we. Probably spend the afternoon in the top fields with a shotgun shouting get off my land, the world and her husband automatically thinking it would be a nice walk across some crops on Christmas afternoon and losing their dogs in with the pregnant sheep , who really love it when a dog comes to play. Cos that’s all they do , play. Fucking hate Christmas.

DustyMaiden · 07/11/2021 10:47

Give it a few years and add DIL/SIL. DGC x 4 .

CookPassBabtridge · 07/11/2021 10:50

The adverts are like facebook, instagram.. absolute bullshit and a perfect fake image. Don't buy into it! Days with lots of family and friends are stressful.

lollipoprainbow · 07/11/2021 10:51

The adverts are like facebook, instagram.. absolute bullshit and a perfect fake image. Don't buy into it! Days with lots of family and friends are stressful.

This

Beakerandbungle · 07/11/2021 10:52

I think it’s OK to feel a bit sad about having a small Christmas though.

I know for some a small Xmas is/sounds great but that isn’t everyone. I am sociable and love to be in big gatherings. I had small Xmas as a child ( just the 4 of us) and didn’t enjoy them ( although mainly because they were quite stressful as still had to dress up, do the formal dinner etc). We had two that were part of bigger gatherings and I loved them! Also my kids would love to have more family in their lives. I’d like to have another adult to chat to on Xmas day as well.

Obviously I don’t sit and dwell on it and still try to make it fun but equally thinks it’s ok to admit that for some of us a small Christmas isn’t what we’d like ( whilst acknowledging it would be for others!!).

Ariela · 07/11/2021 11:02

Small family here nowadays, and I am thankful I don't have to cook for the masses.

Unescorted · 07/11/2021 11:13

Our Christmas used to be running around to have Christmas dinner at 3 different times because of various warring factions not wanting to be in the same room. For some reason I was always in charge of all 3 Christmas dinners (none in my own house). One year I saw my arse with it all - so until last year we went away on Christmas eve and back on NYE.

Last year it was Me, DH, DD, DS and our bubble friend. It was blissful - best Christmas we have ever had. This year we are planning blissful Christmas mark 2 - DH, kids, bubble friend and DD's friend and no turkey.

bananaboats · 07/11/2021 12:09

Every year it is just me & DH with possibly a visit from FIL later at night. We always have a lovely day doing exactly what we please but I do understand the feeling of missing out. I would love to have a big family filled day but that just isn't the reality for us.

viques · 07/11/2021 12:22

What all those huge family Christmas ads don’t show :

The three days of cleaning the host family does before and afterwards

The mountain of rubbish the host family has to sort and cram into their bins

The washing up

The washing up

The endless drinks, cups, glasses, plates, the washing up.

The fridge crammed with mysterious foil packages piled on top of each other like a metallic avalanche waiting to crash down.

The traumatised pets who just want to be left alone

The tearful overtired children

The sleeping guest blocking the tv screen/ snoring so loud you need subtitles

The tearful overtired hosts

The uncomfortable seating arrangements for everyone apart from the snoring guest (see above)

The piles of coats and shoes that everyone keeps tripping over.

The unnamed Tupperware boxes that are never reclaimed

The unnamed Tupperware boxes that need to be found and washed now because the Aunties are setting off.

Small Christmases are best. I am having this made into sparkly badges for next year : S.C.A.B.

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