DIL to be gift ideas

[eenymeenymineymo]

I'm hoping that some of you can help me think of a nice gift for my 2 x DIL's to be. Each of these women are engaged to my sons & have been around for 4 or 5 years :) & so I dont consider them to be short term guests that I can just get a token gift.

Last year I bought them each a Molton Brown shower gel bauble & a tiny Swarovski Crystal sun catcher thingy (I stressed for weeks looking for "perfect gifts") & Ive since heard that DIL #2 doesnt "do" stuff like that & she gave them away. I dont live in the UK either so it took a bit of time for delivery - my choice entirely I know, but.

Now part of me thinks OK, I gave the gift & after that its hers to do as she wishes - but this year I thought - start early, dont stress & maybe buy something more practical & a houseware sort of thing.
So I thought about getting one of those chiller carrier bags with fold down handles for the boot of the car. It flattens down completely for storage too.

Both of these women are 30 yrs+ & work earning much more than me. But I care for them both very much & wonder if a chiller bag is too much of a Not Christmas sort of gift.
Thanks everyone

Ask your sons what their partners like..?

I would not be impressed at the chiller bag for the boot of the car...

I would just ask them. It’s nice that you’re putting so much thought into it.

It’s weird that you would buy them both the same gift. Presumably your sons would both like different things, their partners would presumably also like different things.

I would ask your sons what they like. I would much prefer consumables, stuff that isn’t designed to stay in my house long term - wine, chocolate, gin. Many women on here would find that a cop out and a cheap or lazy gift. I wouldn’t like a chiller bag for the boot of the car, I’d have no idea when I’d ever use it.

A soft cashmere scarf in a colour that suits them or nice quality gloves. Taking into account the size of their hands. A pair of quality wine glasses if they drink wine.

Just thinking about lovely gifts my mil got me - Clinique skin care set, Swarovski pen, really lovely good quality scarf and gloves set.
I’m not sure about the bag if I’m honest, it’s the sort of thing that would sit in my car and I’d never use.
I would have been very happy with your previous gift though

Afternoon tea voucher
Theatre tokens
Magazine subscription (if you can find out what magazines they’re into)
Pasta Evangelists gift box

Don't do the chiller bag for the boot.

Ask your son's for some suggestions

Have you thought about giving them a "couple" gift? Something for both your son and DIL that they can do together? E.g. membership of something like National Trust or voucher to local restaurant

DH and I both end up giving away the tat that MIL gives us for Christmas most years. She doesn't know our taste at all and never asks. It's all very awkward as she would be offended if she found out, and, it's such a waste of money and effort.

You either need to ask them directly what they would like or go for a voucher. Afternoon tea, as pp suggests, or a store like John Lewis where they can choose from a good selection of things.

I'm in the same position this year with a new daughter-in-law. I'm just going to ask my son what she would like rather than think of something myself.

Last year I got her a pendant from Etsy. My son and I chose it together and she wears it all the time.

I would think you didn’t like me if you got me a chiller bag sorry!!

You sound lovely. On my list (in my 30s and working FT) is: nice scarf, local produce/specialities from your local area, a book, nice pen, fancy tea collection, bottle of fizz, nice socks, personalised chillys water bottle. The chiller bag for the boot could be another risky hit or miss I think (she might have one already, or have no use for it).

My MIL always gets me 'women's presents' too. I get smelly stuff, it's obvious I don't use stuff like that. Or I get house stuff such as a peg bag. Or things like scarves. Oh and things like to do lists or home organisers. Meanwhile my husband is bought books, nice treat food, hobby stuff etc. Yet it is me that reads far far more (and this is obvious). I like treat food too, and have hobbies they are well aware of. It tells me exactly what my MIL thinks of me, and is detrimental to our relationship. So I 2nd/3rd/4th the suggestion of finding out what they like rather than buying them presents just about them looking/smelling nice, or being responsible for the household. Nourish their brains, interests and tastes.

Thank you SO much ... some lovely ideas to think on here. And did I mention that I'm a bit of an over thinker haha, so yes asking our sons should be my 1st step.

Oh & the chiller bag idea will be tossed out for sure

So far this year I've bought my DiL a L'Occitane gift bag, which contains a lot of travel size toiletries. She's due in January so it will be fine for her hospital stay.. Why not ask your sons what they'd like. Do they have any hobbies that you could get supplies for.

Definitely consumables and something for both of them together - wine, cheese, chocolates, gin, house plant, plant/tree for the garden.
Or an experience - afternoon tea, comedy tickets, cinema or theatre so they can choose themselves, dinner or lunch vouchers at a nice restaurant.

M&S do lovely cashmere scarfs which aren't too pricey and something useful.

I think most people in their 30s have a lot of stuff and what they don't have they can buy themselves - so will either want something really specific (ask your sons) or you are better off going with a consumable type thing eg. Nice wine, a cooking subscription thing, chocolates.

I am not ungrateful but I feel bad when
I am given STUFF that I don't want / won't use because it will ultimately end up charity shopped and I'd rather DH's family didn't waste their money. My family don't really do presents which others would find sad but it suits me!

I am a similar age to your DIL I would agree ask your sons and don't necessarily buy them the same thing. Although my DP is useless at gifts so Mil would probably be better of not asking him.
Consumables are always a good idea, find out if they like wine, gin, chocolate, cheese etc. and go for fancy of whatever it is they like.
Over the years presents from mil I have loved have been
A simple but lovely quality jumper in a dusky pink (a colour I wear a lot)
Some boutique gin
A lovely hat and scarf and fancy rope dog leads in the same colours (bit random but very me, I love matchy matchy things and my dogs)
a wreath making course (Given before christmas)
Some wine and a box of really lovely biscuits (this was the first gift and I had only met her a few times at this point, I thought it was very sweet she had found out what I liked to drink and eat)
All the presents have been quite simple but thoughtful and tailored to my taste in regards to colours, flavours etc.

Cashmere socks. You simply can't go wrong with a cashmere sock (or two).

Definitely not the chiller bag.

Also I would be buying them each something different

What do they like - ask your sons or even better ask your DIL to be what would be on their "wish list" & take it from there.

I would love any of the following:

Cashmere scarf
Those fingerless cashmere gloves
Books
Aromatherapy Associates selection of Bath oil or any of there Christmas boxsets
Chanel compact mirror
Merino bright red jumper
Clarins handcream
One of those Tom Martin painted from the inside out tree baubles

So I'm a DiL in this scenario and I always end up bath smellies and "things for my house" which are definitely not my style and I don't have a bath so tricky to use bath bombs.

I would not personally like a cashmere scarf only because I have loads of scarfs and a main one I wear. Gloves maybe but check size on hands.

Definitely agree with speaking to your sons. My MiL did that last year and I asked for a specific book and box of malteasers. Which means I'll definitely read and eat it and it's not too expensive and wasted on me. We also have done "couple" presents in the past as we were moving into our own home. My mum bought us a nice new duvet and his parents but us a nutribullet. So definitely a good idea because it's between two as the money can be better used that two cheaper individual presents if that makes sense.

If you go for a joint gift, make sure it truly would appeal to both.
For a few years, MIL would buy ‘us’ a joint gift of men’s socks, red wine (which she knows I don’t drink, but DH loves), DH’s favourite chocolates, (which again, she knew I didn’t like), and men’s toiletries. It always came in a gift bag with both our names on it, but was obviously just a gift for her son. I didn’t mind not having a gift, but I did mind the pretence that she’d bought me something when clearly she hadn’t.

I handed over the job of buying her gift to DH, and she stopped putting my name on the gift tag when the thoughtful, personal to her tastes gifts off us stopped.

I think it's sad they were given away or at least kept for a while and dil was more discreet.

I would buy anything for them individually but a gift voucher for both of them. Eg. Favourite restaurant

You sound lovely and kind.