DIL to be gift ideas

[eenymeenymineymo]

I'm hoping that some of you can help me think of a nice gift for my 2 x DIL's to be. Each of these women are engaged to my sons & have been around for 4 or 5 years :) & so I dont consider them to be short term guests that I can just get a token gift.

Last year I bought them each a Molton Brown shower gel bauble & a tiny Swarovski Crystal sun catcher thingy (I stressed for weeks looking for "perfect gifts") & Ive since heard that DIL #2 doesnt "do" stuff like that & she gave them away. I dont live in the UK either so it took a bit of time for delivery - my choice entirely I know, but.

Now part of me thinks OK, I gave the gift & after that its hers to do as she wishes - but this year I thought - start early, dont stress & maybe buy something more practical & a houseware sort of thing.
So I thought about getting one of those chiller carrier bags with fold down handles for the boot of the car. It flattens down completely for storage too.

Both of these women are 30 yrs+ & work earning much more than me. But I care for them both very much & wonder if a chiller bag is too much of a Not Christmas sort of gift.
Thanks everyone

Wouldn't

You sound like a lovely thoughtful person! But honestly, don't overthink it, just ask them. I love it when my MIL asks me because then I can ask for very specific but inexpensive things that are really easy to get in France where she lives and impossible to get here. She doesn't spend a fortune and I'm delighted!

Something nice but useful, nice socks? I wouldn’t thank you for cashmere, I’d rather have a couple of fun pairs from Joules. How about alcohol my mum always buys my SIL a nice bottle of gin, she always appreciates it with a box of hotel Chocolat. I wouldn’t over think and I’d definitely toss the boot bag idea away.

This year I'm asking my in-laws for some heart shaped plates and bowls. I like practical gifts.

I would have loved your previous gifts too.

Start by asking your sons or even your daughter in laws if there's anything they'd like

Also, don't buy the DIL something for her and your DS

Cause that's a present for them

You're either buying for her, or not. Don't dress up a couple's present as a singles present.

See I would love chiller bag for boot, picnics, shopping in summer.

Anyone got link

You sound lovely OP. Your son shouldn’t have told you that - part of the compromise of DIL and MIL is pretending love for gifts

My MIL got me a £50 Liberty coin once which I loved. I am more girly than she was (neither of us especially girly!) and I found her a challenge too - used to make sure she was kept in wine, chocolates, flowers (my DH never sent Mother’s Day flowers) but I think my biggest hit was a really good dressing gown.

I don’t like “stuff” either so would love anything consumable and luxury. I’m not sure of your budget but a flower subscription, restaurant voucher or luxury hamper with pate/champagne/chocolates would all be very much appreciated.

At risk of sounding stalkery, if your son has no ideas would it be worth looking on their Facebook or Instagram for ideas? Might be some products they have liked, or you notice they always wear blue or they have posted something like "I love my local cinema / gin / cooking Mexican food / people need to use more eco beauty products" that would help.
Although I say this as someone who uses neither FB or Instagram.

My dd would like a chillèr bag.
My dil ...I find it really difficult to know. She got a new coat last year, but i think she bought a new scarf and gloves then. I don't buy clothes much for my daughter, unless she has specifically asked for something.
Daughter's boyfriend is equally tricky!

I'd get consumable stuff - so that if it's not to their taste it can go away quickly. I hate being given things that I then have to store for a few years before finally passing on to the charity shop.

Would a flower subscription work ? I like Areba flowers (no plastic packaging, gels etc) so the whole shebang can go in the green bin.

We have the same problem with DS's partner, never quite know what to get her. I ask DS but he always says he doesn't know either 😀
Last year we got her an Oodie. Various other presents have been Olaplex, Selfridges voucher, cashmere socks, Molton Brown, Jo Malone.
This year I'm really struggling, I wonder if she'd like a Vogue subscription or a nice pen and notebook?

If you got me a chiller bag for the car I'd think your thought process involved the words "cold" and "boot" . So no!

Seconding the look on social media to see where they like to go locally. A voucher for a meal somewhere you already know they like. Saves on the postage too!

@altruistictendencies

Only go for Vogue/magazine if you've ever seen her read one. Things like Vogue are just big glossy adverts. I like fashion and love makeup etc, but hate Vogue. A makeup counter lesson voucher would be much more suited if you get me.

Same with a pen and notebook. I love to write, but pens are so personal.

I really just suggest the idea of asking for a list of 10 ideas, with a budget and then a) you can take your pick for Xmas and b)it's there for her birthday and c) it gives you ideas of things they like

You're buying for a part of the family, how are people so clueless as to what they like?

"I really just suggest the idea of asking for a list of 10 ideas"

No don't do this! I can't think of 10 things I want, never mind 10 things I'd be happy to ask MIL to buy me.

I don't think it's necessarily being clueless. In our case, DS's partner has eczema, so no body products, doesn't much wear makeup, prefers designer stuff - out of our price range, doesn't have any particular hobbies. So it's difficult. If I ask her I know she'll say nothing - because I actually don't think there is anything she wants/needs.

My own adult kids tell me what they would like. They tell me what they are buying for partners. But not what I should buy!
I'm aware how often mils do the wrong thing on mumsnet, overstepping the mark etc. My own mil has never bought me a present, i have no role model!
Also the adult kids live in small flats so storage is an issue. And i don't like vouchers, restaurants can close suddenly.
I know what Easter eggs they like!

Personally I’d love the chiller bag for my boot, but I already have one haha

It’s nice your thinking of them, but definitely ask your sons or even them.

I regift my gifts from my mil every year, but I’d never tell her as it’s the thought that counts plus I’ve dropped in conversation hundreds of times I don’t use the types of things she buys me and it’s never registered with her. I know she thinks she’s giving me something nice and I know plenty of others who would love the gifts which is why I regift them, it dose save me quite a bit of money 😁. She goes ott on my DCs and always checks with me first so I don’t particularly care if she buys things I don’t use.

This may sound left field but I once had ( after years of things which just went to the charity shop after a decent period of time ) a bundle beautifully done with a bow round them of really nice face cloths which could be used for make up removal etc & were mine, all mine , not for sharing . I agree skin / bath stuff can be tricky because I am prone to reacting to things I do not know . Or If you do know she has a perfume she likes and wears regularly - even if that is too expensive the body lotion ( but you would have to know what it was ) . Other than that I personally always like things like diffusers or candles because they seem an indulgence to buy for oneself but I like them.

I would bypass your son and just ask them.

In your shoes I would love a new handbag.
And a purse to match.

But last year for My Dil,son and gc we bought them an airfryer.
They don't have the room for a lot of stuff and it's what they needed.

This year thinking of giving them a yearly zoo pass.

Was out with friends the other day, and this came up - one friend buys her sons' (adult) girlfriends a bottle of the Xmas gin from M&S that lights up. I thought that was brilliant - I don't even like gin much, but would be delighted with the gift, and could share it with friends who DO like gin. Similarly, champagne/other fizz or chocolates will always be eaten or useful to pass on as other gifts if necessary.

Otherwise, as mentioned above something in their line of perfume- I'd love to have the body lotion or a smaller travel version of my perfume.

Books - OMG I adore books - particularly the Penguin classics with the beautiful binding (I've asked my family if they're ever stuck to please buy me one fo those for birthdays/Xmas). Or a great non-fiction book about feminism or economics. But I wouldn't be so happy if you bought me the latest Richard Osman. So if you can, look at her book shelf, does she have a lot of one writer? She'd probably appreciate their latest in that case. Or a travel book to support a trip they're thinking of?

And finally - couples gifts are great - our best from PIL were vouchers to local posh restaurant. It was a true treat, and an excellent gift.

One daughter has a boyfriend who reads, which is handy. One has a boyfriend who might like posh wine or whisky, but should i encourage drinking?
Daughter in law doesn't read, son does. She likes scented candles, but they seem a bit meh.

Hamper for both of them? There’s lots to choose from that suit varying price ranges. Hotel chocolate, fortnum and mason, M&S, John Lewis…..

I would have loved the molten brown gift. And although I'm not sure what the sun catcher was I'm sure I would have put it up.

I always ask for a nice bottle of shower gel as it feels indulgent and a treat.

I would ask your sons what they drink and get a bottle sent. Alternatively the joint hamper sounds great...Aldi do some nice ones (believe it or not....), as do the others mentioned above.

A hotel chocolate gift of chocolates, booze and hotchocolate is quite often given among my friends (40 somethings).

Co-op also do great quality wine and chocolates....although I don't know if you can mail order. They often have prize winning wine and champagne in their own brands.

Definitely ask them directly or at least their partners! Even if you have a “category” you know they like it’s helpful - like do they appreciate jewellery/skincare (what brands?)/make up (again which brands?)/kitchen type stuff/bedlinen etc. I don’t have a MIL but if I did I would probably really appreciate nice stuff for the house like good quality bedlinen or even towels or kitchen stuff but that’s me! Other people would probably be like “what the hell, towels?!”. I’m glad you are doing away with the chiller bag idea, I think that’s so practical it could come off as uncaring and also the sort of people who would love this already have one lol. I’d have loved your previous gift personally! Perfect! I get that you’re a bit upset it was given away after putting so much thought into it, I have a sister who is like this, an absolutely ruthless declutterer and it is frustrating when you carefully pick gifts for the kids and she has given them away almost immediately, sometimes before they’ve had a real chance to play with them and see if they really like them or grow into them. However I also think it’s ok to give away things you definitely won’t use or appreciate even if they come from a loved one. It’s good you’re trying not to take it personally as I’m sure it wasn’t intended that way. I never used to think this was ok but am trying to retrain my brain which tends toward being a hoarder and remind myself I can’t hold onto stuff just because of who gave me it if I don’t actually want it or use it. Our family now do lists of things we would like for Christmas ranging from very cheap to very expensive on an app called . It’s great because people can buy off it and then mark it bought to everyone who isn’t that person so they don’t know what’s been bought but other people can do they don’t get the same thing. There is sort of me that thinks that these lists are “cheating” and take the fun out of buying and also receiving presents a little but these days none of us have money or space in our homes to waste!